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am i gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by AmIReally, Jan 12, 2014.

  1. AmIReally

    AmIReally Guest

    Hey, I am a 17 year old boy and I'm really questioning my sexuality. ever since I was a little kid, I've always stayed away from the boys in school, instead of playing soccer or any other sport with boys, I would hang out with girls and chit chat or do some other girly things. things really started shaping up when I became 15, I started watching gay porn and masturbating to it. the first time i did it, I felt so guilty and promised to myself that i'd never do it again. My mom is a very Christian woman and so am i (kinda) so porn is a definite no no...but the porn watching and masturbation only got worse, I still do it now.
    But the thing is that I've never really accepted that I'm gay, I just brush it off whenever the question of me being gay pops into my mind. today i watched a documentary about gay athletes on TV and it really inspired me and made me decide that I should do something about my sexual orientation or whatever you call it.. am I really gay? okay, I find a guy or two in class attractive, but that attraction is only of a sexual type. when it comes to bring emotionally attracted like just talking or being in a relationship with, hands down I prefer girls (maybe it's because I havent met the right guy yet :/ ).I have ZERO sexual attraction to girls, sometimes i encounter webpage popups of nude women and it completely turns me off but if it were men instead..well..let's just say I wouldn't be.
    I really don't want to be stuck in between and be a bisexual or anything, it's either men or women, not both. so... what do you guys think?

    •I'm really awful at writing paragraphs, so sorry if I got you confused•
     
  2. UIOP

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    OK, so you're saying that you're sexually attracted solely to men but feel like you're more attracted in a romantic way to women, right? Maybe you just haven't met a guy that you particularly like (in the romantic way) yet. I'm not sure. The only reason I'm thinking this is that you said you're sure that women do not turn you on sexually. You sounded very certain of that - are you certain?

    Pornography can be a bit confusing sometimes as well. For example, I am a 100% gay guy but I absolutely can't stand gay porn and like lesbian porn the most - it's confusing :slight_smile:. I'd recommend taking a closer look at the people around you and seeing if there is anyone who you are sexually attracted to.

    The thing about your sexuality is that only you can discover what it is. Perhaps it would be a good idea not to completely avoid other guys and maybe even to speak to some of them. Or to meet new people (both guys and girls) so you can 'look around' a bit more. That way you can develop a deeper understanding of exactly what it is you are and are not attracted to.
     
  3. mat996

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    Hey :slight_smile:
    I'm 17 years old too and I'm in the same situation :/
    I came out to my mother yesterday and she was very supportive, but upset. I think she didn't sleep at all last night :frowning2: But I felt like something heavy fell off my heart. So I'm glad I came out. However, I know my life will be quite difficult in a society that doesn't see being gay as "normal", but as something "wrong" or "sick" -.- (why??)
    I think we have to find the right guy to be emotionally attracted. But we have to search for him, not to stay at home and think of our problems and feeling depressed. Then we'll see if it works for us. It will, probably :slight_smile:
    Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  4. AmIReally

    AmIReally Guest

    yes, I am a 100% sure that women don't turn me on sexually. there's this guy at school whom I'm sexually attracted to, if I'm bored in class and just don't want to listen to the teacher, I stare at that kid instead. I find him really cute and honestly very sexually appealing..as embarrassing as it sounds, I've even masturbated to thoughts of him. to be honest, I actually want myself to be gay. I just don't know why but whenever I hear the word "gay", I get a feeling of guilty pleasure, even the word itself turns me on.
    i've never been in a gay or straight relationship, but I have had encounters where I knew that a girl had a crush on me and frankly it creeped me out, I just can't imagine myself with a girl. me with a dude? I've never given it any thought I guess..does wanting to be gay make me gay?

    Sorry if I seem to reply a bit late even though I'm online, its cause of the awful internet + slow phone

    ---------- Post added 12th Jan 2014 at 09:26 PM ----------

    thanks :slight_smile:. good luck to you too, very brave of you to have come out, I would never be able to do that, if I told my Mom that I'm gay (?) she would take me to an exorcist (I'm not kidding, she is THAT religious)
    maybe i will find someone someday =) anyways thanks for the encouraging words, it means a lot to me
     
  5. mat996

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    thanks :slight_smile:. good luck to you too, very brave of you to have come out, I would never be able to do that, if I told my Mom that I'm gay (?) she would take me to an exorcist (I'm not kidding, she is THAT religious)
    maybe i will find someone someday =) anyways thanks for the encouraging words, it means a lot to me


    Thaks to you too :slight_smile:
    I didn't have problems with religion because my mom isn't religious, but it was hard anyway. It was a lot easier to come out to a friend (a girl), so my advice is to try to come out to a friend first, when you'll be prepared :slight_smile:
    You're welcome (*hug*), I'm new here too and it's very nice and supportive to talk to people that have the same problems as I have
    Hope you'll find support here too :icon_wink
    :smilewave
     
  6. MarcelGB

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    I got the same problem, I watch straight porn and I like it but when I watch gay porn I can't stand it....does that mean I'm straight or what?
     
  7. mat996

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    I can't stand gay porn too, but when I think of kissing a hot guy or being in bed with him I get exited. So I think I'm gay even if I don't like gay porn (it's just not interesting, you can't see feelings there - mostly) :icon_wink
     
  8. MarcelGB

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    Thanks It was really helpful. This a long story but I had a cyber boyfriend from TN,US. I was very hooked by him and he was too, it was crazy not because I was trying a new thing only, I was crazy falling in love with someone who lives far away and it wouldn't work and it did not anyway through those years it's what still makes me not understand why I got this feeling of I don't fit when I see myself with a woman, I see it but in some way I don't it's complicated.
     
  9. mat996

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    I have a girlfriend (I know it sound very non-sense, but I've just recently realised I'm probably gay) that lives 150 km away and it was not so difficoult at the beginning, when we saw each other every week-end. But now we've met just twice in a month and more! So it can't work like that. And I never felt attraction to her or women in general so... :eusa_doh:
    You (and me too) have still time to think and try and then decide I think...
    So think of it, try new things and good luck to you! (*hug*) :icon_wink
     
  10. TheGuardian

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    I'd say you are probably gay, if you don't want the label of bisexual.

    With what you said here I'd say you probably are gay, it's nothing to be ashamed of. That said, I would NOT tell your mother AT ALL. If she would do those things to you, I would wait until I'm through with college before I said anything, that way she can't revoke your college funding or something.
     
  11. AmIReally

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    I plan on not telling anyone I know of my sexuality ever. I'm might be going to the US next year. if I do go , i want to start my life afresh, cut ties with my family back home and become a new me.
     
  12. TheGuardian

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    Well, don't NOT tell anyone ever, but wait until you feel comfortable. I've told 3 people so far and it felt really good. I'm considering telling my grandparents (I live with them)
     
  13. AmIReally

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    I don't think they'll ever accept me for who I am. just the other day, we were watching the news and they started talking about gay people and my mom told me to change the channel because she didn't want to hear about filth. I kinda got offended and asked her how she could call god's creations filth and she mumbled, the point is I can NEVER come out because no one will ever talk to me or go near me, I just know it. I grew up in a hardcore christian family and if ANY of my relatives catch any word of me being gay, they'll slaughter me. what I plan to do is be gay but not be open about it, its not like I have any choice, gay people in my country are put on death penalty.
    soooo thats why I have my hopes set on the US, go to the states, try out a relationship with someone see where it goes
    if I don't go the us and stay here instead, I'll never get married/ have children, just do some christian stuff instead.
    maybe i'm getting way too ahead of myself, oh well..
     
  14. TheGuardian

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    omg, yea you should really try to get citizenship in the United States.