In September 2013, I slowly began coming out to some of my closest friends as a bisexual female. That December I began dating a man and am still in a relationship with him. I have never had a relationship with a woman. The thing is, I've been wondering for awhile if I'm a lesbian rather than a bisexual. I love my boyfriend, and I think I'm IN love with him. Still, if I'm not in love and never have been how could I know what that feels like? I was always "one of the guys" growing up & I played rough as a kid. I am not sure if that was because I associated better with traits that were typically more masculine or because I had a close relationship with my older brother & copied what he did. I also recently began to refer to myself as an asexual because I have no interest in having sex with my boyfriend. I also don't particularly enjoy kissing him- I'm not sure if I don't like the way he kisses or if I don't enjoy kissing him in general. I never really enjoyed kissing past boyfriends either. A few days ago a lady friend of mine caught me off guard by kissing me. I was not expecting it at all and was somewhat too shocked to react. I ended up laughing because it was so unexpected. But, I enjoyed it. She did it again a few minutes later then said she should stop because she was starting to want to have sex with me. When she said that I thought to myself that if I was not in a relationship I would consider having sex with her. This made me question if I am an asexual or if I simply have no interest in sex with men. I'm not sure where to go from here- can anyone relate or does anyone have advice? Any would be greatly appreciated. :smilewave
You can be in love with someone in the sense that you really care for them and love them unconditionally without being sexually or romantically attracted to them. Have you had previous relationships in the past with men? If so were you attracted to them romantically or sexually? If not, maybe you just haven't found the right person yet. You could be a lesbian but you could also be bi leaning on the lesbian side.
I say, since you enjoyed the kiss, this ladyfriend did you a big favor! There's nothing worse than being kissed by someone you don't enjoy kissing. What exactly are you getting out of being with your boyfriend? Why do you continue to date him? Is it really love or do you just deeply care for him? I have a lot of friends that I would do almost anything for but with whom I would not want to sleep with or make out. Conversely, I've stayed with people with whom the sex was fine but I felt nothing but platonic love for, but didn't want to break up with them for fear of losing them and feeling lonely. You should have an honest talk with him about where you are; you might find that things work out better when you are honest with each other.
