Hi I'm new to this site, and I'm glad its available. Lately I have been wondering about my sexuality.It's been very confusing and it's come to the point where it's become obsessive. I struggle with OCD so anything that pops into my head stays for a long time. Anyways I'm questioning whether or not I'm lesbian. For as long as I can remember I have always had crushes on guys. They give me butterflies and make my heart race. When I like someone I constantly think of them. However, when I see naked pictures of men I feel nothing. It doesn't turn me on in the least. I had a boyfriend for a year, and I knew going in that I wasn't physically attracted to him because he wasn't my type. Every time we experimented I felt nothing, and it was heart breaking for me. So we decided to break up. It made my fear of being lesbian seem very real. After my ex I decided to start seeing another guy. This guy I was super attracted to. He gave me butterflies and made my heart race. When we kissed I felt tingly down below and throbbing. (sorry for being explicit) however I didn't feel wet. When I watch porn I get super aroused very quickly, and I feel wet. I love hearing women moaning in porn it turns me on so bad. However, when I see women in person I don't feel aroused or think of them sexually. I've never had a crush on a girl. However I always have this fear that if I'm around naked women I will be aroused proving I'm homosexual. I know there is nothing wrong with lesbians or bisexuals but for me it's a huge fear. I also have always felt nervous around butch lesbians, but never looked at them in a romantic way and I don't know why.I have this huge fear of having sex with a man. As much as I like a guy when sex gets mentioned I almost go into a full panic mode, and I don't know why? It's like this wall goes up and a part of me wonders if it's because I might possibly be lesbian. So what do you guys think? I hope I didn't offend anyone. I'm also 24 so at this point the whole "you're young and your hormones are acting up" answer is not what I want to hear.
Sounds like you just need to do some serious dating with both sexes to find out what your orientation is. There is nothing to fear about having sex with a man, if he is the right kind of man. You can do this without having to "label" yourself as anything other than "normal". How you feel about it will then help you decide what your orientation is. If it doesn't feel right after doing it, then you can try the other side of the fence.
Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I'm in a place where I can't do that very freely though considering my parents are homophobic which is why I want to move out so bad. Thank you for your advice.
Welcome to EC! So I read through your post, and what really stuck out for me is that you have clearly identified that you have some fears regarding your sexual orientation, mainly that you are afraid of what it could mean if you are a homosexual. I think it is excellent that you have not only identified this, but have admitted that fear to yourself. What does it mean? I am not sure, this is only a question you can answer but you should take heart from it; admitting we are fearful of something is a hard thing to do because a lot of us are raised to be "brave" and "strong", we are taught that fear is a sign of weakness. I think that if something inspires fear in us, a lot of the time we want to avoid it, ignore it or pretend it isn't even there. I definitely agree that you need to explore your feelings through dating but as you have said, it is not really doable for you right now which I understand. It's okay to be confused though,don't stress about it too much. It might sound old fashioned, and it may not be for you... but I tell a lot f people to write in a journal. That is what is really helping me right now with my confusion. Just write everything you think, everything you feel, let it all out. Even if you think what you write down sounds stupid or silly.You will begin to see patterns in your writing and it helps ease the burden on your mind so that your thoughts aren't just all floating around in there in this huge mess, you can get them on paper where you can see them. If that idea isn't really for you, then maybe some other form of recording your thoughts, maybe an online journal? The online aspect of it also provides some protection in case you were worried about someone finding your journal and reading it (like your parents), this way you can remain anonymous and your thoughts will be safe. I think it's important to find some method that helps you organize your thoughts, the more organized you are the more it helps to sort everything out, at least in part. I don't know if any of that helps but at the very least, just know you aren't alone and many of us here can/will relate to your story. Good luck
Thank you for your advice. I think the only real way I will know for sure is through dating. I keep a journal but sometimes it's nice to have a person to bounce ideas off of. I appreciate your help.
