I need help... This is going to sound so awful and some may not understand. I apologise in advance for anyone I may offend. I've been having weird feelings lately. Like I'm starting to like shemales and guy more than girls but I really don't want to. I really want to be straight but it's becoming like effort to be straight but I don't want to be gay. I know how awful all of this sounds but I don't know how to phrase it. I know that if I further explore these newfound feelings then I will be met with rejection and judgement from friends and especially family (very religious family, most don't agree with homosexuality). Long story short, I don't know what to do.
Firstly I'd like to say you have no reason to ashamed or embarrassed (or apologetic) about your feelings. I am sorry to hear that you feel the NEED to make an effort to "be straight". I recommend you put that effort into learning to accept, and be happy with yourself, rather then trying to change yourself. There is no need to want to change, there is nothing wrong with you or your feelings. Be free to be you. (There is something wrong with people who can not accept the happiness of others just because they don't approve (just a side note)) What you've said about family and friends not being happy or accepting with you/your feelings, well.... to put it bluntly, it's not really their concern. There is no reason to let them know about those elements of your life if you don't feel you want to. You need to live for yourself, before you can live with anyone else. Do what makes you happy first... worry about others second.
These things happen, you don't need to think about other people right now. Just try and focus on being happy. You can take all the time you need for this. Other people's opinions don't matter because it's your life and you deserve to be happy no matter who you're with.
I can't speak for Hexagon, but as a trans* girl, I just feel that words like "shemale", "he-she", and things of that vein are like calling a gay person a "f*gg*t". I personally want to be a female with breasts, but surgery is scary, so I don't know if I would have the reassignment surgery. I still think of myself as female. I think that a term I'd be more comfortable with is just simply "trans* girl". But that's just my two cents, because that word does make me cringe a bit.
The biggest part of your problem is right there. Religion. And family. I speak from personal experience. My dad, growing ,up always worried that I'd grow up and be a "faggot" or "queer." My mom always was saying I was "trying to be different." I never understood where all this came from until I was in therapy for bipolar. Being asked the probing questions about my childhood, I realized that I was a Betty feminine child. I tried to focus on being the stereotypical male. But I never let myself be me, and lived for everyone else's idea of what I was. I experimented with a guy; he treated me like a lady, really. Coffees, gifts, movies etc. It was nice, but I realized I wasn't into him. And, I was the other "guy" as he had a live-in but they were on the outs. I got disgusted, and went for the family "man" white pocket fence life. Married for 8 years, I started therapy because my wife thought I was bipolar. That's how I started questioning my sexuality, then gender. Long story short, don't let religion, or family, determine who you are. I suspect that your attraction to "shemales" (degrading term fyi) is your attempt at justification for attraction to persons with a penis, and you could hide that behind a woman. Thing is, a Trans woman is just that, a WOMAN, just assigned male at birth. A Trans man, same as a man born male. Genitals don't define WHO not WHAT a person is. I'm feminine, but have a male body. I'm ok with anyone's pronoun usage, but prefer feminine to masculine. I'm a female (actually genderqueer). And yes, DON'T use the term "shemale" as it is, personally, very offensive.
