I had a realisation today; I think I am at least homosexual biromantic ( but i really am not sure if I even believe that that is a real orientation ... ) I used to be able to have epic fantasies about the men I desired, an old teacher I had, a guy I crushed on, fantasy characters, and they were risqué and racy. I was trying to fantasize about this man I do like, he handsome, rugged, my perfect 10 and I realised that I was trying to force myself to have this to feel arousal. If I think of the opening scene to a girl on girl action I start to feel aroused instantly ... like a "i know where this is going". It made me so sad because I can enjoy sex with Mr. Perfect 10, but I don't come unless I relax and think of nothing ( and in one way i like that because I thimk it's more spiritual ) whereas when I come to girls it's more.... just sex. There's no love attached. It's quicker and more intense? I can form great relationships with women as friend but I don't really want a relationship with a woman romantically, and I want that with Mr Perfect 10 but it's never going to happen. It's like the cycle of all my relationships...and I even think the guys I go after a closetcases too..... I just feel so down and I think it's because the reality of this hit me. I think if I don't face this I will run away so far that I will become completely detached from reality. Is it really possible to be bi-romantic, homo-(sometimes hetero)-sexual?? And even though I am more than likely a flaming dyke, I don't really feel like acting on it....
I feel the same as you. When I watch porn I usually watch the woman in the porn instead of the guy but in real life I'm more romantically attracted to men.I've never actually have had a crush on a woman. You can be biromantic homosexual. Just because you want to be romantic with someone doesn't necessarily mean you want to have sex with them. That's perfectly normal. Do what feels comfortable to you. I think fantasying about women sometimes is easier because we know what they want because we want the same things, and we can relate to that feeling.
Fantasies and porn may be some good indicators/clues of your sexual preferences and orientation, but I do not believe it is the "be all end all" of figuring it out. You said you were feeling down, and are worried about becoming detached from reality if you don't face it; to me it sounds like you are feeling really overwhelmed by all of this. I know how eager we can all sometimes be to have an answer right away but sometimes, it is a tremendous help to just take a breather and let things be for a tiny bit. It is only a suggestion of course In my experience, giving my mind a break often helps to clear it I understand you though, wanting to just "know" is a big deal. We all want to know who we are right? We want to know this so we can be ourselves and be free, so how can you do that if you don't even know/understand a huge chunk of yourself in the first place? I totally understand. From what you wrote, and this is just my initial impression, it seems like you might have some type of denial going on there about something, I'm not sure what though. When you said "even though I am more than likely a flaming dyke, I don't really feel like acting on it" that to me indicates you already know something you are not yet willing to admit/face. Then again, it could mean something altogether different. I know how frustrating the confusion can be believe me, I was there for several months but it is starting to clear up now, so keep your faith up. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down about this as well, try not to be too hard on yourself about it hun. Don't worry, you'll get there! *hugs & support*
I know you probably don't want to hear stuff like this, but even though you feel like your sexual orientation is limiting I'm sure someday you'll find someone who gives you everything you want in a person. It's alright to be afraid, and you're sexuality is probably still developing anyway. I'm not that into my sexual orientation either, I don't feel like it will bring me happiness, and I'm having trouble getting to the point where my desire overpowers my denial. I hope you're alright!
