Its really hard for me to speak about this.. but I feel like I have this need. Since I can remember I ve always been straight...and hd no real reason to question it. I remember being aroused by a woman's breast in the beach when I was 12, I remember being arused by a magazine with girls with open vaginas when I ws 14, and even more boobs when I was 17. I might have had one or two gay moments during my teen years, like getting off to a bi story and getting a slight groinal response to a girly looking guy but nothing that would make me question my heterosexuality. I still have a hard time telling f a guy is good looking btw... With my 1st gf when I was 18 I remember jizzing on my pants and coming even more than once with just foreplay. Touching her vagina was an amazing sensation.. Yet I couldnt penetrate her, we were both virgins and it ended badly. When I started dating my 2nd girlfriend I started getting some "am I gay" thoughts which resulted in a panic attack. I got over it and with more foreplay I started jizzing in my pants again, I enjoyed it and truthfully having extreme orgams is awesome. Yet when she gave me oral and when I penetrated her I cant say I enjoyed it. I was extremely nervous and the one time we had sex wasnt good. Several reasons might have interfered with my enjoyment like my nervousness, my extreme porn use, my smoking habits, insomnia and some am I doing this right - maybe I am gay thoughts... Long story shot she broke up with me and I only had sex with her once. My predominant porn use is like 97% lesbian and hetero and same with fantasies. The thing is that when I have a gay fantasy or get off to gay porn once in a while like once evry 5 months or something I get a great orgasm. I dont know if its an adrenaline rush or my true sexuality. I also got some random boners around guys it happened twice and stirred the confusion. Another probem is that I got hard to both lesbian and gay porn without touching myself in a span of a week... (Most of the time gay porn doent work, but when it does the doubt becomes even bigger than before )and supposedly gay men get turned only by gay porn and straight men only by lesbian porn whatever. Nowadays I am afraid that I am not aroused by women lke I used to. I am also afraid that I am not as straight as I thought I was and maybe I wll fail in satisfying my next girfriend. My sex failures might have to do with my extreme porn addiction and my extreme nervousness but I dont even know anymore. I know I must be somewhere in the bi spectrum but I just cant swallow it. I dont know if am attracted to anyone anymore...
First of all, since you said that was hard to talk about, really well done, you've provided loads of information to work with! " supposedly gay men get turned only by gay porn and straight men only by lesbian porn whatever." Not even close to accurate if that helps at all I know gay guys who HATE gay porn, there are plenty of things about gay porn some straight guys would really like (if they gave is a chance). Let's ignore porn for a moment completely, because as you've quite rightly said, "extreme porn use" can have weird effects that we aren't going to want to be factoring in right now! So outside of porn you've had some bad sexual experiences with girls, a couple of random erections which happened to be around guys and that one time as a teen with the 'girly looking guy'. So just a thought, but if you'd had those erections and there hadn't been a guy around, let's say it was just random while you'd been driving, what would you have thought the cause was? Probably the most important thing for you to consider here is how you feel about either gender just in general. If I asked you right now to pick your perfect partner, would they be male or female? For the purposes of this question just pretend you are the literal sex king and could pleasure them perfectly either way.
I'm lesbian and watch gay porn all the time I watch some lesbian porn but I like gay porn more I think porn despite people's sexual orientation gets people off . But too much of it can affect how you have sex in real life and your performance .
I would definitely go for the girl I reckon there might be some gay stuff I might like but there are definitely things I consider kind of disgusting and off putting. I definitely cant think of men while masturbating on a regular basis and same with the gay porn. There is a girl I am in love with right now, but the problem is that I am afraid to fail again in real life....:bang: even though I had some straight encounters were I came buckets literally.
Well that being the case, then you may well be on the bi-spectrum but you seem happily mostly straight! If you start feeling an urge to be with guys, then perhaps come back to it but for now try and let it rest, and perhaps turn your focus on to what appears to be the slightly more serious fear of failure that you are experiencing (unfortunately my sex knowledge amounts to remarkably little so I can't really help you there!)
I ve never lusted for men like I used to for women...and I dont recall felling the hots for a topless guy or something. Some of my friends used to show off their penis but I dont think it ever aroused me.. anyway who knows I might be in denial or just bisexual. I will give up porn , get more straight sex experience and see how it goes.
My question for you is, how come you haven't given up porn already? I think it really fucked my sexual life up. I was like you, was crazy about girls and lesbians. Now I'm numb and can go either way, but underneath the numbness, I think the guy stuff does not sit right with me. Anyway, let me know how it's going. And try to go with the flow. I've tried quitting porn before and then I would think I was doing ok and then the same fucking pattern. I wish it was easier. I was never aroused by gay fantasies and stuff. Even before porn as a kid, my fantasies were about girls only before porn (and gay porn too, the past couple of years, which feels like shit) and the past few years. And of course, like every other kid, I questioned. And I never took to gay fantasies about guys. And I've been like this for two years almost now. I hit a moment last week where I took a knife and threatened my life in front of my girlfriend. It was so bad. So then I started reflecting, and I'm committing to going with the flow, and quitting porn. I watched a little last night, and it fucked me up, but I haven't even had an orgasm from four days. And I'm going to snuggle a lot with my girlfriend, practice Karezza (non-orgasmic sex) with her, and most importantly, try to not let my thoughts get the worst of me. Just to go with it, and be kind to myself. Try not to convince myself of my gayness, because that kind of aggression doesn't work towards myself. I say aggression because its not taking my complex feelings into account, but just shoving myself into a box, which doesn't feel right, considering my history and what I think my feelings really are underneath my numbness. It also may be the reason I took the knife towards myself. I hate how porn can change our perceptions on a dime, once we allow ourselves to watch enough and become desensitized. I really hate it. Actually, I think it's the worst part. Once you're doing well, you can watch that stuff again, jack off to a hot girl, and then two hours later you're watching dudes taking it in the ass, not knowing who you are. And the worst part may not even be the uncertainty. The worst part may be doing something you suspect may go against your nature, but you don't know anymore because our brains have been numbed beyond tears. Anyway, I don't know what else to say. I wish you luck. I wish myself luck. I hope we can discover how we felt when we jizzed in our pants to hot girls. I had many moments like that. And I remember watching a lesbo porn even on tv at 15 or 16 and already wondering why I wasn't getting it up to sweet pussy the way I was previously. And this was before Internet porn ruled. So I want to practice tantric love with my girlfriend - because I know how porn can fuck with us, even before the gay stuff (for a straight guy - I have to mention as a disclaimer here: so nobody thinks I'm an ignorant homophobe, hopefully). And I love my girlfriend and I want to keep her forever, and I don't want to get tired of her. Anyway, those are my two dollars. Let me know how you're doing. Best, Musician
