I just posted a thread in the later in life about being Trans feminine, when it was brought up that there's no real difference in feminine and Trans feminine. My is this; how do I know if I like guys, gals, both? I'm married for 8 years and have 4 kids. My wife and I are facing divorce. Irreconcilable differences with my gender identity. I have consciously acknowledged to myself that I can't see myself with another woman. Maybe Trans as she would more likely understand me. But I've also found other males very attractive. And I'm confused as to whether that would make me straight (liking guys) or lesbian (male body but feminine internally). Or am I feminine and gay? Would a gay man be interested in a feminine guy that dresses in misses attire? Or mix-and-match men's and misses? I'm all confused :bang:
As far as your orientation label is concerned it depends what you consider your gender to actually be, and I can't work out from this if you've decided that yet! (Sorry if you have and I've missed it, it's late!) If you're a girl and you like guys (only) you are straight, regardless of how little transitioning you do. If you're a guy and you like guys (only) you would be gay, regardless of whether you walk around in a dress. So it really depends, are you a girl or a guy INSIDE?
So basically I need just to be treated as the feminine in any relationship. I definitely identify as feminine, so yeah girl, but i don't care what gender I fall for. Or whether they're Trans, Cis, genderqueer, agender i just need to be the feminine in the relationship. So I guess I'm like you, Ellia, and pansexual. and Trans. We'll see about transition later on!
To be honest, providing you find the right kind of people, if you assert that you are female regardless of how you look then that is how you will be treated. But I do have to emphasise 'the right people'. But then, I can't imagine you giving the WRONG people the time of day so...
By seeing what they do when they get it wrong. Most people when meeting a stranger won't have too much of a problem for example getting your pronouns right most of the time if you tell them what you want them to use. See what they do when they get it wrong. The right people are the ones who feel bad, or who correct themselves or show any sign what-so-ever of trying to get it right for your sake. The wrong people blunder on regardless. Obviously not a stead-fast rule but it does make weeding people out easier. Basically it's about seeing who respects you as a person enough to treat you as you ask them to.
so in this vein, I would gather that my wife is the wrong people. She can't bring herself to treat me as feminine. As I've said countless times, she needs a man and I can't be that for her. I'm still trying to wrap my head around my Trans nature. Maybe I just need to let myself be, well, me. See who I feel right with and go from there. I'm actually ok with any pronouns, but probably prefer feminine or neutral. I remember filling out a form for my CDL and had to literally FORCE my hand to mark "M"so I do know that much. Guess it's just a matter of finding my orientation. Perhaps I really am more genderqueer and pansexual and panromantic. Sorry I'm just finding myself, and need to get all this out.
"She can't bring herself to treat me as feminine." Compared to the average stranger, your wife has a lot more invested in you. If your wife is REFUSING, and I mean sitting there saying 'Nope, I can't be bothered with that, I think you're a man so that's how I'm going to treat you' then she is 'the wrong people', if she's trying and struggling, but is definitely making some sort of effort, the perhaps she IS the 'right people'. If you are having to FORCE yourself to write 'male' on things and would prefer female or neutral pronouns, then that tells us so much. At the very least we know that you just can't deal with being 'male', and that's fine, that's one thing we know for sure. You can take all the time in the world to find out and accept what you ARE because at least we know what you AREN'T. As for your orientation, it's obviously going to be different for you than it is for most people, just like it was for me. At the moment, you aren't sure quite what your gender actually IS so unless you realise you have to potential to love someone of any gender, then we can't really give you a label! I mean it would be difficult to say you are gay or straight for example since we wouldn't have your gender as a point of reference!
Fair enough. Maybe she IS the right people. Maybe she is struggling, and finding out she can't be with someone not "male" but she's accepting that I AM feminine. Guess the probable divorce has me skewed on my prescription of her.
