Helloo I'm Chris. I'm not sure if I've put this in the right section so apologies in advance. I'm gay which I hate and I think I've pretty much come to terms with that. But recently there've been more issues I've been thinking about and I can't get them out of my head. I'm turning 24 soon and more and more of my friends are getting engaged or having kids and starting to settle down. It makes me worry about where I'm going to be in the next 10-15 years. I always wanted kids and a family but it's becoming increasingly obvious that isn't going to happen. My friends have always said that there is always adoption or a surrogate but I feel neither of them are options because the core issue will always be the fact that I am gay and kids get bullied for that shit. I wouldn't want to put a kid in school knowing full well they'll be bullied for having a gay dad, I don't feel I could be that selfish. I like to think that by the time I would be ready to have children that the world will have changed but the odds are never really in my favour. I blame being gay for pretty much all the major issues in my life, why I lack confidence and motivation but i'm scared that one day it will all be too much to cope and hating myself won't be the biggest thing to worry about anymore. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same and how they would deal / have dealt. Feel free to PM me! Chris.
If it matters, this "I wouldn't want to put a kid in school knowing full well they'll be bullied for having a gay dad, I don't feel I could be that selfish." doesn't need to be the big thing that it seems like. Yes, they might get picked on for it, but the worst thing about being bullied is thinking that the bullies have a point. Part of a parents job is to build up a child's confidence in themselves and others that when someone laughs because their dad is gay, that child knows there is nothing wrong with that. Although that's probably a way off for you, but don't right off having a family on that account!
Also keep in mind that bullies don't just zero in on this aspect of their targets. They'll look for anything that deviates from the norm to warrant harassment. I speak from experience, as I have been bullied numerous times during middle and high school due to my nerdy appearance and intelligence. Apparently, getting good grades made me a target for hate >_> I just learned to ignore them. To reiterate what ElliaOtaku said, regardless of the circumstances, it is the parent's onus to raise their kids so that they hold their heads high, without feeling ashamed. It's definitely easier said than done though... If potential bullying is a serious concern for you, then perhaps an option could be to research a school known to be more socially liberal and have your kids attend it. I would do this as a last resort, especially if it's inconvenient due to whatever circumstances you are faced with.
Just replace gay with "black" or other discriminated minority, and your fears would seem way out of proportion. That's because ultimately you can be a successful father and gay. You should also remember that young people are the ones with the lowest rates of homophobia and highest rates of acceptance of gay marriage. I don't see it getting worse.
Hmm those are all good points. I guess my brain is so fried at the moment I don't really see the good or hopeful in situations. Thanks!
The point you brought up really is interesting. It's something I'll have to consider soon enough. If a child ever gets bullied for having gay parents, I think it's just wrong. I don't really feel that it is selfish that you have a child of your own or adopt one. I mean as long as you treat the child the way get should be, which is to be loved, I don't see much selfishness in that. Know that you are giving that child a life, being able to see the world, no doubt it can be an ugly one. So you shouldn't really feel that it is selfish of you as long as you truly love the child
