I'm in love with a girl. There, I said it. I am totally, 100% head-over-heels in love with her. I hate myself. I feel like this is so wrong. My parents have raised me to hate anything LGBT related, being super religious, and I have no idea what I am but I'm not straight. I'm so in love with the most gorgeous, brilliant, talented, and friendly girl on the face of this earth and I can't stop thinking about her. I'm going absolutely CRAZY!!!! I don't know what to do. I desperately wanna shout it out and tell everyone--but I don't want ANYONE to know. NO ONE can know. Oh god I've totally lost it now, haven't I? I hate myself. I feel disgusting. I've never had much of a problem with LGBT people myself because most people at school are fine with it (although they make lots of hurtful jokes) except I've always felt uncomfortable when I'm around them and I think THIS is why. I'm just so tired of hiding this part of me. It's always been there, but I'm so scared to admit it to myself. Well now I've got it in writing. I'm fairly sure that I might be a lesbian. Oh my GOD that felt really weird. Does anyone have any advice? I feel so lost right now! I don't know what to do but I'm feeling really suicidal right now. I CANNOT feel this way. This CANNOT be happening. NO. Me of all people? Gay? My whole family will HATE me. I don't know what to do. All I can think about is how she makes me feel...I'm hopelessly in love with a girl who will NEVER love me back. Why me? Why do I have to be gay?!!?!
It's going to be okay. I'm going to take a guess and say you're in middle school or high school - probably never had a relationship with anyone before, and may or may not have had a crush on a guy in the past. I'll base stuff off of that, but please forgive me if I'm wrong. I, too, am still hurt and confused by the possibility that I might not be straight (okay, I'm not straight. But I'm still halfway in denial). I'm lucky, because I was raised in a gay-loving family (though I can't think of anyone we know that is gay). However, at the schools I attended, it took years for me to learn that gay was a sexual orientation and not just a put-down. A close friend of mine came out to me as bisexual last year, and i was totally fine with it- I supported her all the way. However, when I developed a crush on a girl in my grade, I was paralyzed with fear - it was NOT POSSIBLE that i was anything but straight. I was sure of that. Yeah, right. It's been two months, and slowly, I've begun to accept that yeah, I'm not like 'everybody else'. If I want a way to fit in, I'll have to find another. But anyways, give it a week or two. Assuming this is fairly recent, things will slowly calm down, if not going back to normal. Keep frequenting here. EC was the epitome of my self-therapy. It'll be okay. I promise.
