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confused, not questioning

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by NotSureWhatIam, Jan 19, 2014.

  1. NotSureWhatIam

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    I've done this before but I feel like my description wasn't adequate.



    So I've recently accepted my self as either being gay or bi. I've always had a sexual attraction to the same sex as long as I can remember having the capability of sexual attraction. Even when I was a younger boy I did things with other boys (innocent kisses, hand holding), I don't remember ever kissing or holding hands with a girl until high school. I've had one real girlfriend and I remember being very unenthusiastic about the relationship and when we broke up I shrugged it off like nothing happened. I've never been in a relationship with another guy but I have fallen deeply in love much to my own peril. I can still get a sexual attraction to women but I have never been able to feel any sort of connection beyond that in fact in a lot of ways women can repulse me. The idea of a relationship with a woman doesn't feel right to me, but the idea of a relationship with a man terrifies me. I've been told I can be bi and prefer men, but I've also been told that I could just be denying being gay. To me the word gay is more comfortable, but the label doesn't quite fit either. Anybody else experience anything similar, or have any insight? I know it's just a label, but to me it's a very important one.
     
    #1 NotSureWhatIam, Jan 19, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2014
  2. TJ

    TJ
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    I know what you're feeling. I used to feel the same way - unsure, not wanting a relationship with a man, but not comfortable connecting to women.

    The truth is that rarely is someone 100% gay or 100% straight.
    We humans are so complex. We have so many feelings and so many conflicting feelings, and it feels scary not knowing how you truly feel about something.

    If I were to 'classify' you (I don't typically like classifying people, but you seem to be searching for just that), I would say that you are most likely gay, but you're subconsciously scared about being gay, which is why the idea of a relationship with a man scares you.
    I think you are gay because I've felt what you described.

    I can be attracted to women, but I don't want a relationship with one. I'm more attracted to men, and while it took me a long time to realize that a relationship with a man is okay, I now accept that being with a man is something that I am happy with.

    I describe myself as gay, but I could say I'm bi because women can arouse me, but hell dude, I'm 17 years old, and you're 19. I'm sure anything young and sexy could arouse us.
    I describe myself as gay because it feels right to me, and really that's all that matters.

    Hope this is somewhat helpful.
     
    #2 TJ, Jan 19, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2014
  3. NotSureWhatIam

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    That does help, even knowing that some one has felt the same way and come to terms. It makes sense that people are rarely 100% anything, I need to remember that, even though society likes to put a label on everything. Just typing out how I felt gave me a hint. To me gay is a more fitting description than anything else. (btw I'm from Overland Park :grin:)
     
  4. TJ

    TJ
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    Haha, awesome! Always cool to meet neighbors on here.
     
  5. hatiko

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    That's very natural. Your story is about the same as mine, except I grew up in homophobic society overseas and still an idea of having sex with a man terrifies me. Not to mention there is no way I can come out back in my homeland. If there is a woman in the world who could accept me, I will totally run to create a family, but I will probably never truly love her...:tears: