I've done this before but I feel like my description wasn't adequate. So I've recently accepted my self as either being gay or bi. I've always had a sexual attraction to the same sex as long as I can remember having the capability of sexual attraction. Even when I was a younger boy I did things with other boys (innocent kisses, hand holding), I don't remember ever kissing or holding hands with a girl until high school. I've had one real girlfriend and I remember being very unenthusiastic about the relationship and when we broke up I shrugged it off like nothing happened. I've never been in a relationship with another guy but I have fallen deeply in love much to my own peril. I can still get a sexual attraction to women but I have never been able to feel any sort of connection beyond that in fact in a lot of ways women can repulse me. The idea of a relationship with a woman doesn't feel right to me, but the idea of a relationship with a man terrifies me. I've been told I can be bi and prefer men, but I've also been told that I could just be denying being gay. To me the word gay is more comfortable, but the label doesn't quite fit either. Anybody else experience anything similar, or have any insight? I know it's just a label, but to me it's a very important one.
I know what you're feeling. I used to feel the same way - unsure, not wanting a relationship with a man, but not comfortable connecting to women. The truth is that rarely is someone 100% gay or 100% straight. We humans are so complex. We have so many feelings and so many conflicting feelings, and it feels scary not knowing how you truly feel about something. If I were to 'classify' you (I don't typically like classifying people, but you seem to be searching for just that), I would say that you are most likely gay, but you're subconsciously scared about being gay, which is why the idea of a relationship with a man scares you. I think you are gay because I've felt what you described. I can be attracted to women, but I don't want a relationship with one. I'm more attracted to men, and while it took me a long time to realize that a relationship with a man is okay, I now accept that being with a man is something that I am happy with. I describe myself as gay, but I could say I'm bi because women can arouse me, but hell dude, I'm 17 years old, and you're 19. I'm sure anything young and sexy could arouse us. I describe myself as gay because it feels right to me, and really that's all that matters. Hope this is somewhat helpful.
That does help, even knowing that some one has felt the same way and come to terms. It makes sense that people are rarely 100% anything, I need to remember that, even though society likes to put a label on everything. Just typing out how I felt gave me a hint. To me gay is a more fitting description than anything else. (btw I'm from Overland Park )
That's very natural. Your story is about the same as mine, except I grew up in homophobic society overseas and still an idea of having sex with a man terrifies me. Not to mention there is no way I can come out back in my homeland. If there is a woman in the world who could accept me, I will totally run to create a family, but I will probably never truly love her...:tears: