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About feeling womanly

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by hatiko, Jan 20, 2014.

  1. hatiko

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    I am curious.

    It is a common knowledge that a woman will seek for a partner who will make her feel safe (beside the feeling of being loved). But how about women who are more lesbian than straight?

    Can somebody describe what it feels to be a girl and be in a relationship with a girl? Or maybe a man could still be better at providing security?

    I know for men it matters a great deal to feel "manly", to be in charge, maybe. That is probably still possible in a man-to-man relationship. But I can't get it for women...:rolle:
     
    #1 hatiko, Jan 20, 2014
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  2. stocking

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    I've never been in a relationship with another woman but yeah I would like it if my partner that makes me feel safe but i wouldn't seek it out but i would like it I guess
    and why not a big strong man well i'm not sexually attracted to men so that's not gonna work for me
     
    #2 stocking, Jan 20, 2014
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  3. MossyCave

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    What do you look for in men then? Why don't you date girls so you can make them feel safe like straight men do?
    Women can make women feel safe too. It's not just about security, it's about attraction and love plain and simple. Lesbians still feel like women, going out with other women is still feminine, and nothing is going to be missing just because the stereotype of a "big strong man" is there.

    I've dated men and I can tell you that not all men make us feel safe. Also, some women want to be the one to make another person feel safe.
     
    #3 MossyCave, Jan 20, 2014
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  4. willycubed28

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    I know for me, even though being a man I want to be the one to feel safe, and to feel loved. I want to feel like I am the woman in the relationship even though I am a man. With two women it can be the same way as well. It really depends on the relationship though and what each other wants and expects.
     
  5. BookDragon

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    If I were looking for a girl I wouldn't be thinking 'she better be able to keep me safe' and I sure as hell don't intend to fill that role...
     
  6. thekillingmoon

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    What do you mean by "security"? Being able to walk the streets at night and not worry about being ambushed by someone? It's not exactly important to me. I'm fine with not walking the streets at night.

    Women can take charge too. Some couples are more or less equal with gender roles, in some relationships one likes to play the feminine role and another masculine. For me, I'd want it to be equal. I don't want to be someone who needs to be protected all the time, I can take care of myself. Sometimes it can be sweet, but I also want to do those things for her.

    Masculinity is actually a turn off for me. One of the things that I found was missing for me when I tried dating guys was that they didn't seem fragile enough to need my affection. So I didn't feel affection for them, like wanting to cuddle or protect them. Instead I was set to play a standard feminine role without any diversity. I can be feminine, I just don't want it to be completely one-sided.
     
  7. hatiko

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    Thanks guys...

    That's the big problem for me too... I would grab a woman, give her everything, protect and provide for her... but I am not physically attracted, and I cannot lie :tears:

    Good question :slight_smile: I physically cannot get attracted, and thus I am not motivated, and whenever a girl will try to turn me down, I won't try to pursue. That's why I am still single:bang: Plus, despite having accepted being gay, I still cannot accept dating with men. I was just raised this way...

    You probably too tried to be normal, just like me?:icon_wink

    Everyone is both genders a little bit... I can get annoyed when nobody pays attention to me, just like a girl! :grin:

    You should meet the KillingMoon! :lol:

    I noticed some women asking their men "Should we go there or there? What do we do? Or Do you want this or this for dinner?" It's not only physical security, it can also be in making choices, for example. Whenever there is some difficult decision. When I was 20 and I had to make a life-determining choice of whom to trust my treatment, I kind of felt that way: I am too young to face choices like this!

    And yeah, I agree not all women are like this... I used to know a karate girl who would totally take charge!:slight_smile:
     
  8. fortheloveoflez

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    I honestly think that for the most part, in my opinion, it is a blessing that (on average) women tend to try to be at equal footing with each other rather than one trying to dominate the other. I really don't like the idea of some one trying "to be in charge". When I am with any one, I tend to always be looking out for their needs and would like to find a partner who does not feel that she has to push some one down to make herself feel "in control". What I have noticed is that women (again I'm generalizing) tend to be overly sensitive to other people's feelings, I never felt the need to talk super loud to get a point across or try to make a big scene. In fact, a lot of the time I don't even need to say too much and she just tends to know what's the matter. I enjoy that sensitivity and calm non-bragging selflessness from a woman. Again, I'm not saying all women are like that and there are men who are of course selfless...but that doesn't change the fact that on average women do tend to have this care-for-others-over-myself motherly tendency to the ones they care for. To me, that is strength...the strength to put others before you and to be OK with not always having to be in control.

    As for the "protected" thing, honestly, I think that's a bunch of mumbo-jumbo created to justify forcing women's dependency on men for thousands of years. Ya, sure. It's true that men on average are stronger and can theoretically fight off some magical beast that comes my way....but when is that going to happen in an industrialized society? With all this technology nowadays it's not even necessary to be super strong in order to defend yourself.

    Anyway, I am perfectly fine with protecting myself, I don't want to feel like I am too weak that I have to be escorted every where. The bottom line is that I love women...just like you love men and you likely don't feel that men are "lacking" in some department do you? Similarly, I think women are not lacking in any department and feel incredibly fulfilled with one.

    I didn't want to make this sound crass, it's just my personal views.

    ---------- Post added 21st Jan 2014 at 05:08 PM ----------

    I noticed some women asking their men "Should we go there or there? What do we do? Or Do you want this or this for dinner?" It's not only physical security, it can also be in making choices, for example. Whenever there is some difficult decision. When I was 20 and I had to make a life-determining choice of whom to trust my treatment, I kind of felt that way: I am too young to face choices like this!

    And yeah, I agree not all women are like this... I used to know a karate girl who would totally take charge!:slight_smile:[/QUOTE]

    You're right. Women do tend to be passive, but I think that has a lot more to do with the fact that they are socialized/expected to be that way and also tend to care a lot about people-pleasing (again, this might be due to socialization). It's not because women can't make decisions, typically even when women have ideas they sit there quietly and sacrifice their own voice to do what every one else wants to do or what their loved one has to do. Again, not every one is like this but I'm sure if you spent a lot of time with women you'd notice this.
     
  9. hatiko

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    That wasn't at all crass; I am curious to know what everybody think. It seems like women who partner with women usually don't feel as much need of having a protective "stronger" partner... Again, I am not convinced that it is a social stereotype that women are more passive (sorry, fortheloveofflez). But you got me, I am not spending as much time with women :eusa_doh:
     
  10. stocking

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  11. fortheloveoflez

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    I guess I'll ask you a question in return. Do you personally prefer to have a more competitive relationship where you and your partner try to moreso put effort in trying to prove which one should be in charge or alpha? Just wondering since you mentioned some thing about your perception of men in your initial post
     
    #11 fortheloveoflez, Jan 22, 2014
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  12. Estraven

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    <<I noticed some women asking their men "Should we go there or there? What do we do? Or Do you want this or this for dinner?" It's not only physical security, it can also be in making choices, for example. Whenever there is some difficult decision.>>

    I think sometimes men misunderstnad how women communicate. So women sometimes seem to ask questions, not because they don't know the answer, but because they want to start a co-operative conversation. Asking a question is a way of saying 'we work together'. In my opinon, when men misunderstand this and think that women need direction, it can set up a situation where the man feels they have to take charge and women lose self-esteem; or to a lot of resentment.
     
  13. Seagypsy

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    I agree! When I look at my crush when she's feeling down, I just wanna sweep her up in my arms and protect her....
     
  14. hatiko

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    I think I would hate it. I don't stand anyone who try to push themselves forward... But I can say it happened several times that I would walk down the street with a woman, and some situation arise, like where do we go, and I can feel she hesitates, or not going to decide quickly, so I say calmly and confidently: "Let's go this way", and it works great. She seems happy. And it flows so naturally.

    If it's true, it probably doesn't replace situations when women want to rely on someone. I guess it's case by case.
     
  15. Ebro1122

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    You're right. Women do tend to be passive, but I think that has a lot more to do with the fact that they are socialized/expected to be that way and also tend to care a lot about people-pleasing (again, this might be due to socialization). It's not because women can't make decisions, typically even when women have ideas they sit there quietly and sacrifice their own voice to do what every one else wants to do or what their loved one has to do. Again, not every one is like this but I'm sure if you spent a lot of time with women you'd notice this.[/QUOTE]


    I couldn't agree with you more sister! All I need is a good woman to nurture me and shower me with love :icon_wink

    As for needing to feel "safe", I don't understand this. I take pride in being self reliant and want a partner who is the same. I want to feel equal in my relationship. If I want to feel more secure I'll just buy a gun :lol:
     
  16. Claudette

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    Well... When I was a guy... I would over-compensate this role... My therapist said it was a mechanism I used to try a prove masculinity... but as a woman... I would want to feel safe(aside from being loved of course)... I know another woman could provide it for me, however I wouldn't seek out a man to do this, as I am not interested in them