1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Been questioning a long time...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by gardensolitaire, Jan 20, 2014.

  1. gardensolitaire

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2014
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm 28 and have been questioning my sexual orientation for a long time. Frankly, I cannot figure myself out. I have gone from thinking I am gay, to asexual, to "sort of straight, I guess?". Most likely I am some sort of bisexual.

    I know that no one but me can decide what I am and who I am attracted to, but I would love to see what other people think.

    I have never been in a relationship. I've gone on a few dates with men; some of which I didn't know were dates at the time (yeah, I thought "hang out" really meant "as friends" :rolle:slight_smile:; but I never felt any attraction.

    I have never been comfortable with female gender roles. As a kid, all my heroes/ people I pretended to be were male. In fifth grade, I switched roles in the school play with another kid so I could be King Arthur (my lovely school let me do it, but had to change some of the lines to make them less awkward). That said, I don't mind being female... I just don't like the traditional roles.

    I don't notice guys, but I do notice girls. I will unconsciously notice a girl's body and think she is hot before I catch myself. On the other hand, my fantasies involve males, and I enjoy male/female porn. Though I concentrate on the girl.

    I feel awkward and masculine around other women (despite being petite and cute -- I'm told). I relate to men more as "like me" rather than as potential romantic interests. I can be flattered by flirtatious guys, however. Although what they take as reciprocation is really just me blushing from embarrassment and awkwardness.

    Honestly, I've been very slow waking up to any of this, and much of what I now see as meaningful signs were only recognized in distant retrospect -- King Arthur, for example. Or that time when, at the end of a long phone conversation with my best friend, I almost said, "I love you," before stopping myself in horror and feeling a seriously literal chill run through me. :confused:
     
  2. Mogget

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2,397
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New England
    Yes, it sounds like you're probably sexually attracted to women.
     
  3. gardensolitaire

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2014
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks for the validation :slight_smile:
    People (my parents, friends) tend to discount the possibility that I might not be straight due to my lack of experience... (;-_-)