So where to begin... For the last year or so I have been questioning whether I am a lesbian, I have has these same thoughts when I was 23 but I just pushed them to the side. The only way I can explain it is that when i started dating guys properly around the age of 17, it never felt right even when i kissed them...so much to the point that I haven't even had sex with guy. I spoken to my mum about it, and she just puts it down to me not trusting men because of something that happened to me when I was little. Which confuses me even more, because my mind is conflicted with so many thoughts of what my mum is saying and how I feel when i think about women. I dream always about having sexual relationship with a women, i get butterflies when thinking about even kissing a women. Half the battle is that i try suppressing the feelings that I am having, and also worried about if I am lesbian the consequences it will have within my family. As My aunties are strict Jehovah witnesses, and some times when I go to see them they say to me please don't become a lesbian. Even though I have never spoken to them or indicted that I am interested in women. My no immediate family are no really overly religious, but I know my rest of my family are. I really have no idea what to do, how to try and process my thoughts. Help and advice is greatly needed.
You sound really similar to me! I never really dated guys and I've never had a boyfriend or even kissed a guy (and I'm 21) but I had a date with a guy once when I was 18 and the whole idea of dating guys didn't appeal to me after that. It didn't really help that he was really into talking about sex when we went out, but that got me thinking that I didn't want to ever be with a guy like that. So here I am, 3 years later, finally realizing that my crushes on girls and never really having feelings for guys makes me lesbian. I would say you're most likely a lesbian too. I know the family issue is a hard one to approach, especially when your family is very religious. My family goes to church as well, but my parents are pretty open-minded and liberal. I don't think you have to come out to anyone you don't want to, so if you'd rather not come out to your extended family, that's up to you! You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable for your attraction to girls, which you can't change. Personally, when I come out, I don't think I'll come out at all to my extended family, because some of them are judgmental and we're not close enough that I feel I have to. Just do what feels right for you!
I really relate to how you're feeling, especially with religion thrown in the mix. My parents in my early twenties were basically like your mother, trying to put it down to other things. This then made me really doubt myself and my feelings for women. I'm now 30 and only now I'm letting myself acknowledge my feelings. All scary stuff, but I really hope things get easier for you, and you feel the courage I didn't have for many years to acknowledge the reality of your feelings. BTW, it sounds to me you are basically a lesbian.
Thank you for your help. The hard thing though about my family is that we are all very close, and especially with my Nan...so they would find out. I hope that I can find the courage and strength to acknowledge my feelings.
All in all, who you are is who you are. Not having family acceptance is hard, but don't let that hold you back from accepting who you are. It's not going to change. I do hope that you get some support at home, though, once you do figure out who you are
You sound just like me. The butterflies when thinking of kissing a cute girl and being ''intimate'' with them. Being a lesbian is nothing short of beautiful. I see two girls together and all I can think is.. That is love. Really, really beautiful love. I know you are scared of your family and their judgemental religious ways but it isn't healthy to surpress your feelings. It's not healthy for me to believe I haven't found the right guy yet.. Because I really doubt it will happen. Girls complete me. If they complete you then you shouldn't deny yourself that luxury.
I know can't change who I am or what I am feeling etc. but I just have no idea how to move forward, and start trying to find out who I truly am, and to accept the feelings I am having. It's just that some days my feelings are so strong, and the next I have dismissed my feelings and just pushed it to the side....feels like a one scary roller coaster ride. I think that is the most hardest part to it all, and makes me doubt everything. I know surpressing my emotions isn't good, but it is a coping mechanism I have learnt from a very young age to block emotional pain. Also how do you deal with people I.e mum or sister constantly saying about dating guys or finding a man. As sometimes it annoys the hell out of me, and then I also feel distant from my twin sister and get annoyed with her sometimes.
My mom and sister are the exact same way! I'm hoping it's just because my sister is with her first boyfriend and they're both excited about it, but I feel like they think something's wrong with me because I'm not dating guys. I want so much to tell them I like girls, but I keep thinking they'll just think I'm confused or not want to ever talk with me about girls I think are cute. I just get annoyed every time they talk about how hot they think some guy on TV is and don't care that I never join in. It's annoying having that shoved in my face all the time.
One of my sisters is in a serious relationship and all she talks about is marriage...which is totally fine as I love her and want the best for her. But at the same time I am screaming inside when my sisters talk about guys and getting married etc, plus when they are like oh "he is cute what do you reckon?" My response is I make out like I didn't hear what they said. Oh the other annoying thing is just because I am big fan of David Beckham, my mum the other night was oh you lust over his body....I cut her the dirtiest look ever. As clearly as becuase I am a fan of man I want him...not...what a joke. Anyway that is my venting out of the way for now I am so glad I found this forum and this community, just helps so much to know that there is support out there and so may are going through the similar thing as me. It takes a slight edge of my confusion, and also I'm not bottling it up inside me.
