Hi. I am 25, married, and I have for years questioned my sexual orientation. I know that I have been attracted to men, but I've tried for years to hide it inside. It is getting harder to deal with, but when I think about leaving my wife, it scares me beyond belief. Partially because I don't want to hurt her, because she is my friend and dear to me, and I don't want to lose my children. I do honestly love her as a human-being and the mother of my youngest daughter, but just not as a partner. I have haven't convinced myself that I truly want to be with a man, but I feel an attraction that just isnt there with my wife. I'm just so lost on what to do... I dont want to leave her just to find out that these feelings arent as deep as I believe them to be. I'm just scared and have no one to talk to about it...
Hello. You certainly are in a tough spot, but leaving your wife and family to pursue an idea, should not be the way to approach your situation. You probably need to have a better understanding of this attraction you feel for men as a first step. Beyond something physical, do you see yourself having an emotional attachment to a guy, having a relationship, having actual feelings? Why are you now finding this harder to deal with than in the past, has anything changed that is forcing you to question things? If you browse through other people's posts, you'll find there are many individuals in similar situations, that alone, will help you see you are not alone in this. Writing stuff is also incredibly therapeutic as it helps you organize your thoughts, so just use this Forum as a channel to express your thoughts and emotions... you'll see how much you will discover about yourself in the process. Just don't make any drastic decisions that will hurt a lot of people -including yourself- without even having a good grasp on the problem. Now you have someone to talk to, so that takes care of one thing at least
Dear lostinbetween, I have heard from many ppl ( and know from) that sexuality is a personal thing and not something to be rushed into... (like leaving your wife etc.) Just take it easy and consider it slowly, and get comfortable with yourself.. you may consider going to a therapist and talking about it, it has certainly helped me in discovering and accepting my own sexuality..
