Hi everyone! This is my first post, I never really expected to find myself on here, but I've had a look around and you seem like a good bunch. So a slight background story, I've always identified as straight and always felt comfortable with this up until roughly six months ago. Before this, I would say I've had a string of guys and one serious relationship. I'm at an age now where I'm surprised this has cropped up as I thought all my sexuality discovery was complete. I would say at the moment, for a first time in a long while, there is a guy I know who I am really starting to like. I'm attracted to him both physically and emotionally. However, in the past six months on numerous occasions I've had several friends directly ask me am I gay. At first I found it funny, but now I am feeling accused. They say they are worried and want me to be comfortable with myself. I tell them I am straight, then don't seem to accept it. They think this latest guy is a way for me to prove that I am straight. These people are my closest friends, one even stated they think I act like I am in love with her. I asked why they think this, they said they just get the feeling, don't really offer explanation beyond that. An extra point is that I don't have close ties with my family so my friends have always been the substitute for that. Prior to this most recent guy, I had not been interested in anyone, but this was due to working through problems of my own. Anyway, it has left me questioning myself. Am I in such severe denial that everyone sees this but me? I tried to think about it logically, I can't say I feel a strong physical attraction to women, I mean I'm affectionate with my friends but not beyond the realm of friendship. But then I wonder is this me not allowing myself to. Then I thought about emotional connection, and yea there a few girls who are very close friends that I have a deep connection with, but I don't know if this is attraction as a friend or more. As you can see, I'm rather jumbled. This has been quite hard to talk about, so if anyone has similar experiences of themselves or others, or you have been that friend worrying about another friend. I would greatly appreciate the advice and such Thanks!
Hey Adastra, welcome! Can I just say first and foremost: despite the fact that they say your friends and family know before you do, no one has the right to tell you how you feel. If you like men, like men! If you like women, like women! If you don't feel any sexual or romantic attraction toward the same sex, it's likely that you are in fact, heterosexual. This is, however, something that is entirely your business and people shouldn't be telling you about yourself and your emotions, which way or the other. If your friends are close to you (as you said like family) then they should love and support you however you feel about your orientation. The fact that you said that you feel 'accused' has me a little worried though - are your friends being aggressive with their questioning or are they concerned that you're suppressing something (whether this is true or not)? If you're feeling uncertain perhaps you should experiment a little with other women and find out for yourself? Try kissing another girl and see what happens. No one really knows these things about you apart from you, anyway. I hope you find this helpful.
If you have a history of fulfilling relationships with guys, and you still find yourself becoming spontaneously attracted to guys (or one particular guy at the moment), then you don't sound like you're gay. So certainly don't let this interfere with your romantic pursuits with guys. Perhaps you're attracted to both men and women, but if so I'd be quite surprised that you never even questioned this on your own until someone pointed it out to you. If I were you, I would talk to your friends and tell them that you sincerely haven't considered being attracted to women before, and that hearing this from your friends has been really confusing for you. It seems a bit unfair of them to cause you that kind of confusion or distress and then not give you their concrete reasons for thinking you're gay, so tell them you really need specific examples of exactly what makes them think that. Your friends may not realize how confusing this is for you!
