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In need of help and advice

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Daydreams, Jan 24, 2014.

  1. Daydreams

    Daydreams Guest

    Warning, this is probably going to be a jumbled up mess, but I'll try my best to stay on track. Ever since I was old enough to know what gay was (which was pretty young) I always told myself that I couldn't be gay. I didn't want to be, and I always worried about it happening. Once middle school hit, a new girl came to school and we became best friends. It confused me every time I would stay the night at her house and we would sleep in the same bed as friends usually do. I was extremely aware of her and the distance between us under the covers, which had never happened to me before. I didn't think too much into it then because the thought of me being a lesbian wasn't something I thought about around her, but I realize now that I had a crush on her. Looking back now at the times when I was younger, I realize how many experiences I had that pointed to me liking girls. All the awkward uncomfortable moments with guys (which is normal, but this was excessive), the fascination with girls and their bodies while having little interest in guys or their bodies.

    I've gone out with guys 3 times and girls 5 times. The first guy I went out with I had zero feelings for; he was a friend that liked me and my friends pressured me into going out with him. After that relationship ended I started going out with girls. I fell very hard and very fast for my first girlfriend. All I wanted to do was cuddle her, be around her, and help her through all her issues. My first kiss with a girl was electrifying. All of my relationships with girls have been wonderful. My last relationship with a guy is what got me truly thinking about my sexuality. I loved him as a friend, and when his friends pressured me into going out with him, I thought that maybe that friend love would turn into boyfriend love. I tried to go along with it and be a "normal" girl, talk about kissing and cuddling, being close. But it was so uncomfortable. The thought of being close to him or any guy, kissing, cuddling, completely unsettles me and makes me feel a little sick. Ever since that ended I've been struggling with my sexuality.

    I know deep down that there's a big chance I'm gay. But I don't want to be. I can't even say "I'm a lesbian" out loud. That sounds awful, sorry. I want to be normal, make my mother happy by bringing home a boyfriend eventually a husband. I don't want to be gay. I know that I wouldn't be happy bringing home a husband one day, but everyone else would. If I knew for sure what my sexuality was I could come to terms with it. I just don't have a definite answer. I know I may not get one, but even someone else's advice and opinion would help me figure this out. It would help to hear someone else's take on this, if you don't mind.

    Stay strong
     
  2. jargon

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    The most definite answer you're going to get on the question of what your sexual orientation is will have to come from you, not from us. That said, it might help you to be able to compare you're experiences with other peoples'. It does sound like you are pretty clearly stating that you're attracted to females. When you follow that up by saying "I know that I wouldn't be happy bringing home a husband one day," that sounds to me like you do already know the answer.

    In my experience, lots of people who now identify comfortably as gay have gone through a period that sounds very much like what you've described. I don't think anyone one this site will think you sound "awful" by saying that you don't want to be gay, because most of them have been there.

    Anyway, welcome to EC! This place has helped a lot of people - whether gay, straight or anything in between - to figure out their sexual orientation. I hope it does for you too!
     
  3. Daydreams

    Daydreams Guest

    Thank you for the help, and thanks for the welcome jargon!
     
  4. Noelle

    Regular Member

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    It definitely sounds like you are struggling with who you are and who your family wants you to be. But like Jargon said, only you can truly figure it out for yourself. It takes time to come out (if you are lesbian/bi/whatever) to yourself and then you have to accept it on your own terms.

    I had accepted my sexuality for the most part but watching videos by this girl really helped me accept myself once and for all because she is so open and honest about her experiences, accepting herself and coming out.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP_9h37ExSM&list=TLW_X92CptykE9lmlsv_8LWx8jctzmxO87
     
  5. Naunet

    Regular Member

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    Hi!

    I am not gay or bisexual. But my husband is transgender and I completely understand the need to not disappoint the people you love.

    I have gay friends, they are wonderful people. But to a parent, (and to me, as wife of a transgender person) that is the death of a dream, the death of a hope. And coping with that is hard.

    And it will be hard for your loved ones to accept that, but right now you can't even accept it yourself. I feel for you.

    Are you sure you're not bi? I don't think being gay is wrong though, as long as you are a good person in your heart your sexual preference means nothing negative on my mind.

    If you need to talk I'm here.
     
  6. Daydreams

    Daydreams Guest

    Noelle thank you for the link, I think that girl will help me accept myself a bit better.

    Naunet, I'm glad you understand. I'm pretty sure I'm not bi. I thought I was for the past few years, but I know now that I'm not. The thought of having to be in any kind of sexual relationship with a guy is so uncomfortable and puts me off so much, I would be surprised if I ever went out with or fell in love with a guy.
     
  7. YuriBunny

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    Accepting yourself is more important than other people accepting you. It can take a lot of time to accept yourself, or a very short time, depending on your personality. In my case I was quickly able to adjust to the fact that I'm gay, but it seems it will take longer for you.

    My mom is constantly making me feel pressured to like guys, but I just can't make myself straight, no matter how hard I try, and no matter how many difficulties it has caused me. Whatever you do, don't date guys just to make other people happy. Do what feels right to you.
     
  8. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    I felt the same way you did and could not imagine myself being a lesbian I didn't even want to be a lesbian and I wanted to do good and bring a man home . The first time I realized I liked girls I was crying and depressed and thinking everyone will hate me now . I think accepting yourself is the hard part but when you over come that part you start to feel happy and enjoy life . It takes time for someone to accept themsleves and it won't happen over right but admitting that you like girls is the first step and also if you don't want to label yourself you don't have to til your ready .
     
  9. faustgoethe

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    The best thing to do is not to worry about it. Figure yourself out. The answer is simple, you either are or you aren't. But most importantly, don't worry about what your folks say or think. This is your life. Be yourself. For yourself.