I like to watch coming out stories on YouTube. It makes me feel less alone like I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've had boyfriends before and I'm always the one breaking it off. I haven't fallen in love with a boy, that has yet to happen. They're just not enough. Maybe I haven't found the right one? Maybe I'm just dating the wrong type? But I really can't any longer. I feel like everyone around me knows. I'm literally an unhappy person. And today I came to the conclusion that in fact I am interested in the same sex, whether I deny it in front of everyone. I'm tired of denying it to myself. I feel sick, I don't feel normal. I don't like feeling this way. I had to come out to myself today. But acting on how I feel is something I can never do.
Hi Ceci! I am sorry to hear about your dilemma. Being confused about one's sexual orientation can truly take a toll on a person. All I can say is you take as much time as you need to really figure things out. But one thing is for sure, you ARE normal. Don't let yourself fool you into thinking that you are not.
I wish more than ever to be straight and in love with a man. But I just can't commit. I've had boys called me heartless. And its like I just can't seem to care about them in that way. I can't fool him. And when I'm with a guy all I want is for it to be over.
Have you heard of the Serenity Prayer? God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Life will be a lot easier once you begin to accept your sexual orientation, something which you cannot change. It's no use wasting your life wishing for something that is not possible. It's time for you to start loving yourself once again. You are a special and unique individual and deserve to be happy.
Thank you for your kind words. I needed to hear them. Hopefully I can build up the courage to be myself!! I hate having to life this fake alternative lifestyle that isn't what I want at all.
