The inner-struggle

MY EYES! AAAAARGH! SO GREEN!

Anyway. This is a difficult one because from where I'm sitting it seems either you need to reinterpret the bible, which I appreciate you don't want to do, live alone and miserable, which I'm also pretty sure you don't want to do, or force yourself into marriage, and having spoken to many people who tried that I can assure you, you really don't want to do that.

Do you actually find yourself attracted to women at all?

 

Well there are plenty of women who don't care if you're bisexual (which from the sounds of things you probably are), although if all the ladies near you interpret the bible the same way you do I'm thinking they might not...

As for the dating thing...to be honest I'm not sure. Personally I hate the idea of dating someone new every week, it sounds awful so I completely understand your feelings in that respect...but I wonder...

How often do your "sexual interests and desires" come up exactly?

 

Male or female friend...

 

Hi SpecialK!

First of all, I appreciate the disclaimer. Its somewhat reassuring to know that the statements made are those of yours and yours only and not to be misconstrued as judgment or attack to other sexual orientations outside of the so-called norm.

Personally, I think if you are having inner-struggles and questioning your own sexuality, then there must be something there that needs to be explored more and not be suppressed [though I don't think you're suppressing it since you have been having casual encounters with the same sex already]. 28 years old is still young. You still have all the time in the world to really know what you want. Maybe it would be best to try and explore BOTH sexes and not just focus on one for now. Date both genders and see where you lean towards most. The move forward with one once you figure everything out.

I feel that it wouldn't be fair to the woman [the future wife and mother of your children] to be with her when deep down you strongly feel otherwise.

Just explore more before you think about settling down. If you strongly feel the desire to be with a woman, then go for it. If you strongly feel the desire to be with a man, then go for it. If you're bisexual, then you can plan your life around it in the future. Don't worry, once you figure things out, there's a big chance that everything will fall into place.

Cheers!
Cigsmoker [Sam]

 

I also dated a guy who was in the closet and was having inner-struggles. In the end, it was too much for me to handle. Its hard to love someone who doesn't love himself enough to be true to who he really is. In the end, I had to break things off with him. And I got hurt in the process. Just sharing what I have been through [hope you don't mind].
And you are right, its not fair to both parties if one is struggling with his/her sexuality. And I am glad you are aware of the re-precautions of your future actions.
But that leads me to my next question. Where is the struggle coming from? Are you apprehensive because of how will your family and friends react? Because if you're main worry is not being able to have a family in the future? Because you can be with a man and still have a family of your own.

 

Yeah, I understand where you're coming from on this. Having come from a Catholic background, I know what its like because its very contradictory to what you desire and I am not in the right position to tell you what to believe. Its difficult, right?

But as I've said in my previous reply, everything will definitely fall into place for you as it did for most of us who figured ourselves out. Cheer up!

 

Hi SPecialK,

I think that you are gay and you just need to accept it or maybe bisexual and you also need to accept it. I am a Christian myselff and I tell you that what you read in the Old Testament is not really relevant, given all the horrible things you find in it.

Now, in the New Testament, we do have a reference in Corinthians 6:9 as you certainly know, but there are two caveats:

1. The teachings in Corinthians 6:9 do not come straight from the mouth of our Lord Jesus, therefore we are not sure how much importance we should give them. We have enough good teachings in the 4 Gospels coming straight from the Lord's Mouth. They are confirmed across 4 versions of the same Anectodes/Teachings. Those are the ones you should try to live by, those are the ones that really count.

2. Translations of the New Testament (as well as the Old) are done by people, who, at times, try to serve their own agenda. So, when we read Corinthians 6:9 in English the message is clearly against homosexuality, but, when we read it in the Luther's Bible which is quite older then the King James Version, we read:
"Wisset ihr nicht, daß die Ungerechten das Reich Gottes nicht ererben werden? Lasset euch nicht verführen! Weder die Hurer noch die Abgöttischen noch die Ehebrecher noch die Weichlinge noch die Knabenschänder", which, translated into English reads:
"Don't y'all know that bad people will not inherit the Lord's Kingdom? DOn't y'all be misled! Nor those who use sex for money or personal advantage/gain, nor the idolizer (of worldly things), nor people who cheat on their spouses, nor the ones whose weakness allows bad people to perpetrate their evil deeds, nor the pedofiles/child molesters."

In other words, SpecialK, be a good person, try to live by the Word of the Gospels of our Lord Jesus Christ, forgive as much as you can, do not cheat on your spouse, be it a man or a woman, do not even think about having sex with a child, and stand up for what is right. If someone mistreats a Woman, a Jew, a Black Person, a Muslim, a Homeless Peson, etc. stand up for what is right and bear the Lord in your heart while doing it, because HE will be behind you 100% and bless you in your words and actions.

Avoid casual sexual contacts with both men and women because you never know what the other person feels, and enter a romantic, committed realtionship with whomever you are attracted to the most.

Just let people like Bill Gates and others worry about burning in hell for eternity, because, if they keep it up, they probably will.

Take care, follow your heart, and good luck,
Andrea

 

I think a lot of Christians go through this. I grew up in a Christian home and school. The thought that I truly was gay was something I wouldn't even allow myself to think about.

When I finally came out to myself, I had to go to God and, in my heart, get answers to this struggle. The thing I always felt he was telling me was "Be yourself." Of course that doesn't mean that everyone around me agrees with this, but as long as I have my peace about it, I'm okay.

Good luck to you!

 

I am curious to why you want to "have a wife?"

If you lived in a hypothetical place where gay marriage was just as encouraged, supported, and seen as a straight marriage, would you still want a wife? If your family unequivocally supported this, as well?

I tried the marriage thing while I was in the closet. I could even perform in the bedroom quite well. I did it for way too long and lost many years(and so did my ex-wife which is difficult to reconcile). At this point in my life, if I had to choose between acting like a straight person and staying around the comfort of familiar surroundings, family, friends etc. VS be openly gay and moving a place where I was alone but could start over? I would move away. It's just me, but life is too short to stay in a place where I never get to be myself. It would be more heartbreaking to live the rest of my life for others prejudices.

Lastly, I could never bring a child into this world and be able to raise them while being in the closet. What if they were gay? What would I be teaching them? My wife divorced me because I wouldn't have a child with her because I knew that couldn't live that lie. i am pretty sure that my dad is a closeted gay man, and I would never, ever repeat that cycle. It almost killed me.
I also believe that my mom dying of cancer was directly related to being married to a closeted gay man for most of her life.

 

SpecialK, I went through a similar personal battle. Making the choice was not easy but it had to be done because I cannot give in to what the "vanilla world" expects me to be because that would be worse than a death sentence (for me at least).