Hello. Guess I will introduce myself first. My nickname is Castiel, I am a female, and I am confused over my sexual orientation. I first started to become confused over this was a while ago, actually. I have a friend, who is also a girl, and I remember one day I had a Halloween party with her. It was a lot of fun, but something kept bothering me. Every time I looked over at my friend, I just wanted to hold her hand, rest my head on her shoulder, have her run her hands through my hair, and just be around her. I ignored these feelings, and just continued on with my life for a while. Then, I started to notice that these feelings were happening at school. I would see a girl and have these thoughts that you are normally supposed to have around guys. This started to happen more frequently, and I got these feelings today as well. It was with a different friend than the one stated above, she as hanging over at my house, I was laying down and she was sitting up. I wanted to put my head on her lap and just have her hold me. I almost did it too. Something that confuses me is that I originally thought I was Asexual. I never found anyone attractive enough for sex, let alone a relationship. I just couldn't see myself in a relationship. Now though, I want to be in one with some of my closest friends! Just nothing sexual, mostly just cuddling and holding hands other stuff like that. Could someone help me please? I don't really know what to think at the moment. On one hand I think that I am Asexual, but then sometimes I have these feelings towards women, and sometimes men (though not that often). Thanks, and sorry this was kinda all over the place. ~Castiel
Hi Castiel. First off, a warm welcome to EC. I'm still quite new myself. I'm sure some of the members with more experience and/or knowledge will add some helpful information soon. From my side, I just want to let you know that you are definitely not alone in this. We obviously have different perspectives being opposite sexes, but I can relate to what you are saying. I'm not sure how old you are, so this could perhaps be a part of your teenage sexual development. Regardless of that, my advice would be to keep doing what you are doing now - build a support network and find people to talk to. When I started having same-sex feelings there was nobody around. It was a truly scary and depressing time. Fortunately that isn't the case anymore and doesn't have to be for you either. So in short, keep strong and welcome to the family :icon_bigg
Assuming you're looking for labels right now, I'm happy to name a couple that may be fitting to your predicament. Obviously, you could be lesbian, but given the situation you have described, I do not believe that is the case for you. I'm going to assume you know what a lesbian is. You also could be demisexual. Demisexuality is effectively only developing sexual attraction after previously forming a strong emotional connection with a person. It's sort of representative of not quite asexual, but somewhere in the gray area surrounding asexuality. You can learn more about this here. The term I feel applies most directly to you is not a sexual orientation that is widely accepted, but I have come across it multiple times, and so I think it is certainly worth including. You might find yourself at ease identifying as homosensual. As I understand it, this label applies to those who are not asexual in the way that they have no desire for intimate connection at all, but rather they crave touching, kissing, and cuddling. Good luck!
You said it happens with men sometimes though not very often so you could be bisexual but I'm not sure you could also be a demisexual
