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Trans and losing hope (about dating)

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Tayb24, Jan 26, 2014.

  1. Tayb24

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2013
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Washington (state)
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So this is kinda gender related, but probably more sexuality related so I am posting here instead.

    Basically, I am 22 years old, attracted to females (mostly) and I am also trans. I have never been in a relationship (never even kissed anyone), partly because I detested having to have been the "guy" in a relationship if I were to ever get into one, and partly because I just plain suck with girls.

    I have been full-time since last summer and had been passing fairly well where I used to live, but I just moved to a different city/university a few weeks ago and have been pretty hit or miss in the passing department, probably due to a culmination of factors. This makes me feel really shitty, especially since I was HOPING to be able to enter into the LGBT community here and start dating. I feel like a fool for even thinking this when it is becoming increasingly obvious that people can tell that I am trans, especially within the gay community. I just don't see how any gay girl could ever be attracted to me if I can't even consistently pass as female.

    There is one person though who I thought might have been interested in me who I met shortly after my classes started. I would later learn that they are a FAAB gender variant person who prefers gender neutral pronouns. They could also tell that I was trans. To be honest though, I really don't even know what their sexual orientation is besides that they have a history with men and are heavily involved in the LGBT community.

    They also have an account on this board so it's going to be pretty embarrassing if they see this, but I'm just kind of taking a gamble that they won't see this since they said they weren't that active at all. If you do happen to see this (addressing my friend) then...um, sorry haha. Kinda hoping that doesn't happen.

    I'm pretty attracted to this person, but also, they are the ONLY real friend I have been able to make since I went full time, which means a hell of a lot to me. It's not like I can just stop liking this person though.

    We were able to spend a day together that was just the two of us last week and had a great time. Basically I just as awkwardly as I could texted them to see if they wanted to hang out, and they seemed quite willing, saying multiple times that they were up for anything. We went for a long walk around the town, watched a movie and then had dinner, where we ended up staying there for a few hours just talking. Eventually we realized that it was almost midnight (with school the next day) so we called it a night.

    I want to make it clear to this person that I like them, but I feel like it's not worth losing the only friend I have here (so far at least). Also, because I am so inexperienced, despite being a few years older than them, I don't even know what I would do if I asked them out on a real date. I also don't think I'd even have the confidence to ask them out in a dignified manner (i.e. Actually in person instead of texting it to them...) because I feel like I'm an idiot for even THINKING that someone could possibly be interested in me.

    If I were to express my interest in them, and they didn't share the feelings, wouldn't that just makes things far too awkward for us to hang out anymore?

    I guess I don't really have many particular questions to ask you guys, just kinda wanted to get some things off my chest.
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2013
    Messages:
    4,605
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Personally I find it a bit hit-and-miss if it's awkward after confessing feelings...I confessed the biggest crush (she was and still is one of the best friends) and we've stayed close for 6 years since with no reason to think that will change. On the other hand the person I had a crush on before that I don't think I've spoken to since then.

    I guess the difference was I actually cared about the first person as a friend, so even though I knew nothing would ever happen I actually wanted to put the effort in to stay friends and move on...maybe that's just me though :slight_smile: