Should the sex that finds you attractive determine your sexuality?

I'm just a tiny face in an ocean of them here at EC, so not sure if anyone has noticed my posts regarding my sexuality confusion. (Also posted at length about my gender confusions, but that's a whole 'nother kettle of ambiguous fish.)

In short, I was raised to think I was straight. In fact, most of the time, I still think I am. However, a few little "irregularities"--particularly the facts that my sexual fantasies almost exclusively involve men and that I seem utterly incapable of becoming aroused imagining or even physically being with a woman--have increasingly led me to question this conviction.

However, complicating this dilemma is the fact that, out in real life, men simply don't seem to catch my eye; whereas I could make visual love to the female form all day long. Problem is, though, I can't hardly even get the time of day from women, despite the fact that I feel like I'm not exactly socially retarded or physically repulsive.

On the other hand, gay men have shown interest in me repeated times over the years, always making me feel uncomfortable. How much this discomfort may have been due to latent feelings of my own, I have no idea. I had kind of a sexual experience with another little boy when I was in elementary school and the memory never strays very far from my thoughts. Similarly, I've had many, many dreams of men coming on to me, whereas I have practically no dreams to relate involving similar attentions from women; though I've been with women, even marrying one (separated now).

Since I can't seem to really make heads or tails of my sexuality from who I'm visually attracted to (women), should I instead take my cue from the sex that always seems to be attracted to me and haunts my fantasies (men)? Can the females of the world smell the latent homosexuality wafting off of me, which is why I'm practically invisible to them; while at the same time striking the interest of so many gay men who cross my path? Am I setting off gaydars all across my hemisphere, in spite of myself? Is visual attraction everything? How much of that visual attraction to women is really, purely sexual, and how much of it is envy and/or simply my own abiding obsession with femininity (I am gender-fluid)? Would my apparent disinterest to the male form change in the bedroom with clothes off? (I know I'm asking for clairvoyance with that last one.)

Please help a very confused, sexuality-confuzzled soul. :eusa_eh:

 

To paraphrase a paraphrase, it's not the message that's confusing, it's the messenger. :lol: Just a little despaired that, if I can't figure out my sexuality 25 years since the onset of puberty, when will I? Maybe, just maybe, the world knows something I don't? :newcolor:

 

Aw, give yourself some credit, biwinning, you web-footed, duck-billed sex machine!