anyone heard of this before?

i'm male, 20 years old. for the better part of my life i've struggled with understanding my sexual orientation. as of right now i consider myself fluid but straight-passing in day to day life, so most people except for my friends have no idea.

i had several of "gay" experiences growing up (touching, showing, rubbing, stuff like that), all of them with consenting males who are all straight as i know them. i was also somewhat feminine as a kid and i was frequently harassed and pegged as gay by the people around me. curious, i started watching gay porn when i was in sixth grade.

i've watched all types of porn growing up, but for the most part i stick to gay porn. the only sort i can bring myself to watch regularly, however, is masc/bear/older man type stuff. if the porn is at all "feminine", i instantly become turned off and stop watching it. i feel like it's something of a mental barrier, but i can't really explain it.

in the same breath, i find it difficult to watch straight porn. in my own head i'm able to do it, but if it's porn i just can't. i know in my day to day life that i'm attracted to women. i've dated women and been intimate with women and when i picture my life, i can't imagine spending it with another man. i can't even imagine dating/being romantic with another man.

anyways, long story short, i'm pretty confused about exactly where i stand. i might be over thinking it, but has anybody else ever heard of or experienced something similar to this? i appreciate any sort of advice