I've always felt different about sexuality than others. In searching for my sexuality, I came across the lithromanticc--which sounded exactly like me. I found a blog post by someone who identifies that way which describes my experiences close to a T. The Girl Made Of Stone : I Am A Lithromantic Story & Experience Please read the whole thing, as they outline how I feel much better than I can explain. My question-is this even legitimate, or am I just a screwed up in the head commitment-phobe who should go to therapy? And if you are a lithromantic, how have you had "relationships" with people? I know that when I'm older I want to have kids and some sort of family.
Sorry the title is so negative! I cant figure out how to edit it. I don't mean to imply that all people who identify this way are wrong. I'm just not sure where I fit in... My main question is to anyone who identifies as a lithromantic: have you dated someone, and how did it happen/work?
Well, it seems that by definition, if you are lithromantic that you won't ever desire to enter into a relationship. A family and kids honestly doesn't seem too likely if that is how you truly feel and never want to be in like a real relationship with someone. Perhaps another lithromantic but that would be more of a friendship? I don't know, it's a new term for me, sorry. Regardless though, you aren't broken, or screwed up in the head. You are who you are. You have just as much right to the self agency in your life that everybody else enjoys. Society likes to place a lot of rules on us. In my opinion, society can go fuck itself. Just do you. If actually entering into a relationship with someone would make you unhappy, then don't do it. Stay in that sorta limbo state if you can, if that is what you enjoy and what makes you happy. Honestly, I think it's a bit poetic.
I identify as lithromantic with respect to men (and gray-aromantic with respect to women and non-binary people, for what that's worth). I have gotten a couple crushes on guys in the past, but I've never wanted to act on them and frankly would have been put off if they had been reciprocated. I've never dated anyone, mostly because I haven't wanted to (though the one woman I did ask out declined). You could still have a family with kids if you're lithromantic or aromantic; you just may have to re-imagine what that family might look like. There are things like queerplatonic relationships that aren't romantic in nature but are still "more" than friendship.
Folks, labels like this do an enormous disservice to people. They're bogus, "special snowflake" labels that don't help anyone or anything. "To be romantically attracted to someone yet not wishing for those feelings to be reciprocated", as that author says, isn't a sexual orientation, it's a psychological problem stemming from attachment and intimacy issues that could most certainly be resolved with therapy. What that person is talking about is, in terms of Brené Brown's work, someone who is invulnerable and unwilling to open up to love, for fear of being hurt. And she's so numbed out that she's convinced herself that this is a normal sexual orientation. It's not. And with that level of numbing and invulnerability, it's pretty much impossible to be truly happy and wholehearted and, for that matter, to experience joy and happiness, or to truly be open or creative. Not a good place to be. And not a legitimate label.
