Ok, here's my deal. I found out I was not straight about one year ago. Since I was 13, I thought I had something wrong. The thing was I was sexually attracted to cool guys wearing polo shirts. What was weird and I thought to be wrong was that only when they wore polo shirts I felt sexually attracted to them. Now seven years later I understand that this could be some sort of weird fetish I have. The problem is I really like guys but when they don't satisfy that fetish condition or another condition I discovered, I don't get any sexual arousal. Physically I like both boys and girls, but there's no way I feel sexually attracted to a girl. Plus I'm still a virgin and I'm not interested in sexual intercourse. I mean, I don't think about sex, but rather about cuddling and snuggling. I'm out only to person important to me and I've been saying to people who ask me that I'm bisexual. I can still label me as it? I'm questioning and I can't figure out anything. Can you help me? Also I'd like to know what's that feeling of heat I sometimes feel when I look at cool guys.
Hi. First of all, I'd like to tell you not to worry too much about labels. If they provide you with some security or peace of mind, then you can select whichever label best suits you but, to be honest, you could also say 'I am myself'. Either way, you can be whatever kind of person you would like to be, regardless of whether or not you have found the correct label for you. If you are most comfortable telling people that you are bisexual, then you can do that. I noticed that you said you weren't 'interested in sexual intercourse'. Just putting it out there as something to think about, have you thought about asexuality (having no sexual attraction to either gender)? It's not unusual to prefer cuddling to intercourse though. I do as well so you're not alone on that one I'm not really sure what to say but please remember that you are only 20 which isn't very old. There is still plenty of time for you to figure things out. Also, what do you mean by a feeling of heat? Is it like the feeling you get when you blush and your cheeks go all red? Or is it more just a kind of warmth?
Thank you for answering. First, I'd like to say that it's not the label that concerns me, rathen than my honesty. I'm proud of being a guy who's always true to himself and never lies to people who do no harm to me. What makes me feel uncomfortable in making things clear with people I care o I want to know is that I can't tell what's the real deal with me. That said, I don't think I'm asexual. Maybe I need to have sex with someone to be able to establish if I'm asexual or not. About the feeling of heat, maybe I said it wrong. But you got it somehow. I feel warm like I'm blushing, but I feel it in my chest and my abs.
Oh OK. Sorry if I misinterpreted anything I've only ever had a crush on one guy and I used to get butterflies in my stomach whenever I was with him. I didn't feel a heat but maybe this is a similar thing. I don't know.
You're welcome. I don't think you misinterpreted anything. Maybe my English is a little off since I haven't speaked with non-italian for a while
i believe you are being honest as you are evolving as a person and am not quite sure yourself. as for warmth i feel my breath catch in my chest and it does feel warm when i take another breath.if i'm attracted to her she literally takes my breath away.
Nik, I think you're asking a great question. I lived most of my life as an authentic person--except for that one very important detail that I'm gay. So I very much admire your concern, because it comes from a desire to be authentic in every way. I hope that, in your part of the world, being gay or bi doesn't have the stigma that it used to. If so, I think you can just be honest with people. I assume that if someone came on to you very strongly, you'd tell them that while you want physical intimacy, you're just not ready for sex. So I don't see this as any different. You're young, the people you might be interested in are young, and you don't want to pretend you're one thing or another when you may not be. Doesn't have to be black or white--grey works just fine. As long as you're upfront with people that you can't tell yet "what's the real deal with me," you're being true to yourself. As long as you're honest, you're not hurting anyone. And if that prevents some people from getting close to you, maybe it's because you don't want people like that getting close to you right now. Lots of people much older than you are now are still figuring this out, and that's fine. You take as long as you need. The answer will come in due time. And as to the polo shirt thing, there was a thread here at EC just recently about fetishes. I think mine are ears and white socks. Go figure. That's part of what makes everybody interesting. An old American expression: No harm, no foul.
Ok, sorry for answering now. Teen Wolf New ep was literally tearing me apart. Back to the topic, thanks for sharing your opinions and helping me out. @StillAround, you have a point, dude. In my part of the world, etiquettes are not on the surface (in high school, I mean). I think that I'm lucky being born here when it comes to this so called problems. But even if a gang approaches me on the street yelling about my sexual orientation, I can handle, both talking and the hard way. About the fetish, I have a soft spot for ears too. I found out some years ago. I still hate if a girl do this to me: I find it annoying. But if it's me or another dude, it's something else. You know about the ear flicking thing? It's nothing to joke with in Italy, since in the twisted heterosexual mind it's to define people as gay.
Nik, OK. So you can handle yourself if gay slurs come your way. You are so way ahead of me! And by the way, thanks for calling me dude. I may be old, but that word is such a symbol of acceptance that it moves me to tears. It explains a lot why so many people who are important to me are your age... And about the fetish... I never knew that about the flicking of ears as defining gays. Do you suppose it's unique to Italian culture? My fetish about ears is different, 'nuff said... And the white socks? I think that goes back to Tom Cruise (an otherwise detestable human being in my mind) in Risky Business. A movie before your time, in a scene where he's preparing to party when his parents leave him alone for the weekend, and he slides across a hardwood floor in only his tighty whitie briefs and white socks. And that's all I'll say on the subject. Feel free to post on my wall if you like. I don't want to hijack this thread. /Ed Oh, one more thing... My first crush was at 13, with another 13-year-old... A beautiful Italian-American boy with olive skin, the most beautiful complexion, and the darkest eyes I have ever seen. TMI. Sorry.
