In Search of a Label

It's been nearly 3 months since all of this began, and I still don't have a label. While in many ways, I'd rather keep it that way, I search for a label as a sort of security blanket - something to call myself.

I've had crushes before, but I don't know how to classify them very well. I'll give it a go, though. I always think of crushes in 3 spheres (physical, emotional, and sexual attraction) in addition to a 1-3 intensity level in comparison to anything I've ever known.

1st guy, 4th-6th grade: emotional, 1.5
2ndguy, first half of 7th grade: emotional, semi-sexual, 2.25
3rd, 4th and 5th all distractions in late 7th/early 8th grade; one was semi-emotional, 0.5; 4th was emotional, semi-physical, 1; 5th was physical & 0.75
Then came the girl, from November to now. She occupies all three spheres, and for me, she's a 3.

I used to be so sure I was straight because I have a ridiculously active sex drive for my age, but as I've since realized that the thing that enthralled me most about intimacy was never actual penetration.. It's oral. And no, I have no desire to give a blowjob. I don't know that I like the penis at all.

(And no, I'm not gonna go out and experiment; I'm 13, for reference)

My fantasies mostly involve the girl I have a crush on (or occasionally a close friend of mine who I find extremely physically attractive, but I don't actually desire a relationship with) an basically kissing and perhaps going further than that, though I am fully aware that anything more is impractical at my age. However, I have this sort of fantasy-like thing about in the future (like when I'm 18) experimenting with a guy in my grade who I don't really have emotional, physical, or sexual attraction to, but he makes a lot of sex jokes, and he's not ugly or anything, thought something of an ass sometimes.

Onto the orientations. Obviously, one of the widely accepted ones would be easiest, but I may end up with something else.

I can cross off straight - unless phases really are a thing, I'm not straight.

I can cross off pansexual - I'm most definitely attracted to someone determined by their sex and not their gender.

I can cross of demisexual - I don't know this girl, nor any of the distractions, very well.

So if we're sticking to the mainstream labels, that pretty much leaves bisexual and lesbian.

I could be lesbian - the connectivity of the attraction I feel for this girl is incomparable to any other sense of attraction I have ever felt. It's electric. I don't know whether or not any of the others actually meant anything at all.

The most obvious choice, though, is bisexual - and consequently, I am completely bambozzled by the intense aversion I have to taking on that label. It just feels wrong, and i don't get why, but I am completely in denial about such a label.

Thanks in advance for reading this, and (hopefully) responding with any helpful insight

 

Not worrying about it isn't going to happen. As I said, I know a lot of people aren't big on labels in this community, but I feel almost unsafe, and definitely more insecure, without one.