ive been in multiple encounters with men, and i just can't enjoy kissing them, i just want to spit, i had sex with a guy who was a bigger type, and i couldnt get into it, i was soft the whole time. i've recieved oral from 5 men now, and only like 2 of them but couldnt stand any kissing, i cannot stand kissing men. i like kissing woman, i do. im not attracted to them sexually, but i find them to be dreamy, where as men, i like there bodies and am sexually attracted to, Except there faces, there faces are not attractive, theres maybe a few men i could kiss, but they tend to look like girls apart of me still wants to be straight for sure, even though all my friends and family accepted it, i still feel a pull like im goingto 'change' and become sexually attracted to woman, its a terrible minstate. there are times where i feel like im 'about to' be sexually attracted to woman and feel good about them for a second but then i overanalyze and get bad anxiety in my stomach. its terrible because i pass by beautiful woman everyday. i just wish i could pick my orientation:bang::bang::bang:
It sounds like you are worrying yourself sick by trying to force yourself into fitting some pre-made, well-defined label instead of taking a step back and letting your feelings lead you to the truth. There are as many orientations/attractions as there are individuals. What you find attractive can vary from person to person and even with the same person over time. I know I used to find some things attractive in my ex when I first was with him but after a year of his craziness I found those same things thoroughly repulsive.
