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Panicking about being bi

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ChromeNerd, Jan 29, 2014.

  1. ChromeNerd

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    I'm panicking about being bi right now. I've been kind of identifying as gay for a bit. It just feels very good to identify as gay. It just makes me feel stable and at peace. Today I met a guy. I thought he was cute. I started panicking and blushing a bit. I hope this is just a panic attack. I've been feeling quite anxious and sick lately. Maybe it's just that.
     
  2. Querying

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    Again, I'm in a similar boat - unable to accept that I might be bisexual. I'd be pretty much okay at this point with any other label... But I can't take on that one. I used to feel shame as i looked at girls in that way, but now, if i find a guy even slightly attractive, I feel as if i am betraying my self-identity.

    Good luck to you, though - you're not the only one.
     
  3. ChromeNerd

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    I actually have identified as bi before. It felt ok sometimes, but then it felt like a very shaky identity. I just felt like I was crazy when I identified as bi. Is rather not feel like I'm crazy.
     
  4. MistressSurya

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    Dear ones - i understand your dilemma all too well! For me, being bi has always been a two-edged sword.

    On the one hand, I was very good at acting the part of being straight in the homophobic culture I grew up in - I just showed my love for men while I hid my love for women for over 20 years.

    On the other, during that time period I felt depressed & like I was going insane - I just couldn't stop thinking about women & having crushes on my best friends. The LGBT community was in its infancy when I entered college. In fact, it wasn't even called LGBT at the time, just the Gay Alliance - and rightly so because they were not tolerant of bi & trans people! Then the only lady I took a risk going out with decided, in the middle of an intimate moment with each other, that she was really only curious & wanted nothing to do with me again. I was completely crushed.

    Needless to say, this caused so much turmoil for me that I figured I was this horribly wicked person who needed to be cured of my sexuality.*Enter my 'conversion' to Christianity & the even bigger messed up life I lived under that cult, hoping that if I just pray enough, read the bible enough, etc, that those thoughts & feelings I have for the same-sex would go away.

    They never did.

    And on top of that, I was now the mother of 6 children & was in a horribly abusive marriage. Thankfully some people came into my life in the past 4 years who were bold enough to say "Behind your smile, you don't seem happy. Like a deep sadness in your soul." and "Are you ok? If you want to talk about anything I'm a very open person." instead of just assuming my life was all hunky-dory. Those people were the life line that helped me to finally say "No, I'm not ok & I need help" & put me on a path to a healthy view of myself.

    Please, don't make the mistake of rejecting your identity just because you don't fully understand your feelings yet - you don't need to label yourself, as sexuality can be very fluid. Just take it a day at a time & trust in the process - you will eventually figure out how to define yourself. :slight_smile:
     
  5. EleanorHunter

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    There's nothing wrong with being a little confused here and there. If you really don't think you're bi, or are panicking about it, then maybe your romantic orientation might be different than your sexual one. Just a suggestion.

    Even if you figure out your sexuality later on, you aren't "betraying your identity" or anything like that. It can be hard to figure these things out.
     
  6. WeWillOvercome

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    We fear that which we cannot control, but can we control our fear?

    Don't panic. I am bi and identify as bi. If you asked me which sex I prefer more (and when I say sex I mean male/female not the act in itself) the answer is it is like comparing apples to apples. If you like men, great. If you like women, great. You are who you are and if you think you are betraying yourself, you're not, you are just figuring things out at a proper pace and dissecting the situation.

    You say you hope you are gay? I am not sure I understand. I don't wanna make any assumptions as to what you mean, so if you could elaborate on that I would greatly appreciate it ^_^

    Your age says 17! 17! My goodness, I flip out at 24 about my bisexuality. We must take it all in stride my dear. In good time, the more we learn, because no knowledge is wasted, we will have the answer we are looking for.
     
  7. doglover44

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    I was confused at first and thought liking both sexes was wrong but learned that it was alright and not a bad thing to me being bi is good cause I have more variety of people I can date.
     
  8. paranoidkid

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    RELAX!!! I SAID YOU ARE NOT! IT IS ANXIETY! I kmow that for fact! Do not worry! I'm 110% sure it wad anxiety! You sound just like me being all ocd about this with every little thing! Ik it is terrible! You should feel better knowing you are not alone! I freak out at the smallest things! And if there is nothing to freak out about, then I make something to freak about! Do not worry!! :slight_smile:
     
  9. ChromeNerd

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    Warning: This post probably won't make sense.
    I hope I'm gay because it feels better to identify as gay. I've tried identifying as bi before and it felt like my world was constantly being turned upside down. When I identify as gay I feel like there is somewhere I belong. I feel calm and peaceful until I feel like I might be attracted to a guy.

    I am quite conflicted because I'm not that happy about being attracted to girls. It makes me feel like a freak and outsider. I've tried making myself straight, but it didn't work. I still suppress my attraction to girls. When I don't suppress it I feel like a perv.

    The side of me that wants to be gay thinks that gays and lesbians are strong. I want to be strong. The idea of me being attracted to guys makes me feel weak. The idea of being bi makes me feel like a pervy, weak outsider.

    I want to date a girl, but I only feel like I have permission to if I'm a real lesbian. I feel like if I'm bi dating girls will just be a "bad choice" or experiement.

    I also remember being around 10-14 and being interested in the female body and having no interest in guys. I just thought it was because I was emotionally retarded. Then I started getting more interested in girls. I suspected that I was a lesbian when I was 14. It was a relief. I didn't have to feel like a retard anymore! I was just a regularly developing lesbian! I decided to come out. No one believed me. Then I started getting paranoid about being straight or bi and emotionally retarded.
     
  10. paranoidkid

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    Hey well when you are younger that's when true sexuality shows. So if it was only girls then that'd all who it is. Your in your head too much. Keep on fighting. You will work it out and feel better one day.
     
  11. treespoon

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    I feel the exact same way, actually!
    Meg Turney is a bisexual youtuber who really makes me feel good about bisexuality. One of her best videos on the topic (please watch it all the way through) is here: Bisexuality: Dear Meg - YouTube
    I'm struggling with my orientation right now and she always makes me feel a little happier. A little mantra I like to repeat in my head is 'you do not have to fit in any box'. A lot of the time I stress about labels, and I need to take a step back and remember that I can feel whatever I feel for people and those feelings are okay.
    Good luck!
     
  12. WeWillOvercome

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    One thing that you must always remember is that you are never weak! Whether you identify as bi, straight, gay, trans, furry, whatever - It is not your sexuality that defines your strength, it is you as a person and how you accept it. Please do not suppress who you are. Allowing those thoughts to fester in your mind continually will only lead to more negativity.

    I do feel you on this subject 100% - I love women, everything about them. There are several aspects to women that turn me on and keep me going like an energizer bunny. With men though, I feel as if sometimes that feeling is intensified. Personally, I could never see myself being in a life time commitment with a dude. I have always wanted a wife and kids.

    Nothing about figuring out our sexuality makes us 'pervy' We are who we are and it's all that we are. You cannot worry about society and their bullshit views. What is seen as a 'societal norm' is just nonsense. Sure, straight people outnumber the gay population. So what, it doesn't mean we are any less normal than the next person.

    The only reason people put us down is because they believe they are doing 'God's work' by humiliating gays, or they do it (especially at a younger age) because it gives them the sense of authority, or they do it clearly because all they know is their heterosexuality. You cannot worry or even consider somebody's opinion of you. The only thing that should matter is what DevilKisses thinks about DevilKisses.

    EDIT: And what you think about yourself should be positive and upbeat. ^_^
     
  13. katwat

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    My 12 year old daughter says "I love being bi. It means I can crush on hot guys and hot girls. I get to drool over them all."

    Let yourself feel. Attraction is normal. Quit beating yourself up for the normal reactions of your mind and body to an attractive human being. Remember you only need to act on those attractions that you are comfortable acting on.