Don't Know Why I'm Like This.

Hey OneLittleMango, Welcome to EC =)

I'm afraid I'm not much of a help here, but I wanted to tell you that you're not alone. I can in a way relate to what you're writing.

I think you answered your question why you don't think about dating a girl with the ease of thinking about a guy yourself:
You grew up in an environment where being gay is considered 'batting for the wrong team' as you stated it. You say people have a certain expectation of what your lifestyle should be like and you don't want to disappoint them. Your experience with coming out to friends didn't go well.
I think that makes it really understandable that you feel uncomfortable with the idea of liking other girls.
But I hope you yourself know that there is nothing wrong with being LGBT, no matter what the people around you say!

About the thing with never having a shot at your type of girl: Don't belittle yourself, you never know Give it a chance and don't tell yourself your not good enough anyways, that's not true.

I'm sorry that I'm not much of a help, but there are lots of people here on EC and most of them can help you much better, so hang in there =)

 

Many will read it, some will comment, some will scroll on, few will admire it.

Trust me, I am a bi-sexual strict Roman Catholic....oxymoronic isn't it?

Batting for the other team? We'll just say you got traded because your team was running above the salary cap ^_^

We are raised a certain way, but there comes a point where we can make our own decisions; Do not let a certain way of thinking be imposed on you. You have the decision. The ball is in your court. If you wanna be a lesbian....be a lesbian. If you wanna be bisexual....be bisexual. Don't worry about what other people think, and don't think in terms of the environment in which you were raised. We have certain 'ideals' imprinted in our minds that they have become the truth, but what is truth?

As for the type of chick you like, why do you say that 'type' won't like you back? The world is full of mysteries and surprises, never let anything hold you down, especially your own mind. If you constantly focus on what the little negative bastards in your brain say, you won't succeed in identifying who you really are. Focus on yourself, not on others, not on their views or opinions. You must satisfy yourself first, then worry about the others. ^_^

Also you state that you are at the age when people are getting into serious relationships, so with statistics showing that men settle down around 28 and women at 26 (give or take a year or so) if you fall into that age group I have one word of advice - DO NOT CARE ABOUT IT! How many people don't find love until their 40s or 50s+ Sure we want to find that one special person STAT, but love cannot be rushed. Take your time, make it happen

 

There are so many straight people out there who have never been with someone of their own sex and know they are 100% straight. And there are so many gay and lesbian people out there who have never been with someone of the other sex and know they are 100% gay or lesbian.
So why does one need to experience both in order to know you're bisexual? I get that question, 'cause I feel the same way somehow. (For me it's: How can I be sure I'm a lesbian if I've never been with a guy?) But apparently a lot of people can be sure, so there's not exactly a need to experience it, you know how I mean that? Don't know how to put it better, sorry...

And as far as I have read here on EC, there are lots of interstages between gay/lesbian - bi - straight, kind of it's not a matter of black and white but lots of shades of gray. Based on that I don't think bisexuality has to be 50/50 and apparently the level of attraction towards one or the other can change. (well, that's what I took from the other posts here on EC)

"It's like when I try to picture a girl, this automatic wall comes up and is like NO!":
If it doesn't feel right or you don't feel comfortable with the thought of being with a girl, don't force it. If your thoughts drift towards a guy, that's fine, and if your thoughts drift towards a girl, that's fine too, but I wouldn't force myself towards one or the other, know what I mean?
To overcome inhibitions instilled in someone through upbringing, culture or religious beliefs is in my opinion pretty hard and even if you've accepted your attraction towards girls on a logical level (as it seems you have since you said you can't deny your attraction) you don't seem to have on a subconscious level (since you say it's like an "automatic wall comes up"). I don't know if that makes any sense, that's just what I think...

I totally understand that feeling of not being sure and wondering how to be able to know (and I kinda envy everyone who's sure from a very early age on or never questioned their being gay or straight...). I would imagine, a good advice would be something along the lines of 'don't care for a label, whatever feels right is right, just go with the flow'. But I totally understand the longing for a label, wanting an identity that fits a category. (I for my part accepted that I have no idea for the time being and took the label 'not 100% straight'...) I guess if you feel bi, then identify as bi, no matter if you've got experience or not!

 

I don't think you need experience with both or for that matter either to know who you like. I'm also 21 and I've never been kissed or had a relationship so I just go by my feelings of who I like. That's not to say you can't or shouldn't get experience with guys/girls if you feel like it would help you figure things out, but it's not totally necessary!

 

You don't need to have sex with both to prove your sexuality

 

You don't need to do anything with anyone to know your sexuality. This isn't unique to anything gay, if you notice the world assumes everyone's straight unless stated otherwise, whereas if you needed to have any form of contact with someone to "prove" your sexuality then the world would assume everyone's bisexual unless stated otherwise. People begin to notice their sexuality when they reach puberty, well before even first kisses. Heck you'll probably find a lot of people here who are gay despite only having encounters with the opposite sex, or no encounters whatsoever.

As for your situation, you shouldn't worry to much about labels. You are what you are.

 

That person broke your trust dramatically. Telling someone is a huge step, no wonder you ran back into the closet.

Being in denial is completely normal by the way. In fact denial can last years, or in some cases, decades. People generally go through the 7 stages of grief when they realise they're attracted to the same sex, and that's only after you accept it, it can even take years to finally admit to yourself you're attracted to them.

So basically, everything you're feeling and thinking, that voice telling you no, is completely normal. I don't think you'll find someone here who hasn't gone through what you're going through.

And finally, what you said about being attracted to really feminine girls, you'll probably discover that there's a lot more of those than you think who are gay/bi.

 

Are you close to your cousin? She would understand what you're feeling.

 

Facebook?

 

Not so much shocking as admirable, to be honest. Not too many out there who resist the peer pressure of joining facebook

But answering your post: Yeah, to me that makes perfect sense...
I actually have some of my cousins 'added' on facebook, but still have no contact to them, and after years of silence just kind of blurting out to them a sensitive topic like that feels weird somehow. Understandable. It's hard enough talking about it with people you are really close to...

 

It is what we are here for. I am still new to this site as well, but I have never seen ANY sort of bashing thus far. The moderators do a great job which continues to allow us genuine forum posters to confidently relate to your situations.

You say you had a shitty day? If there is anything else you would like to talk about, I don't see a reason why you couldn't say it on here, if you wanted, even though it doesn't concern sexual orientation. I think this site's main focus, yes, is to have a community who struggles and overcomes the tough obstacles in life, but also a community that has your back no matter what the situation.