I just feel like such a wannabe. I want to identify as a lesbian, but I probably can't. I sometimes feel like I'm attracted to guys. I just hate myself for that. I wasn't attracted to guys when I was younger. Why the hell wasn't I attracted to guys when I was younger? That would have made my life a lot easier. I've been attracted to girls for my whole life, but I've never really felt like those feelings counted. I've never been able to act on those feelings. I also suppress my feelings for girls. This probably doesn't help with my confusion.
I kinda know how you feel. I often find myself "wishing" to be gay, not 100% sure why, perhaps because it would be a lot simpler than this big gender/sexuality confusion I have. Then again, practically all of my sexual fantasies involve men, so I may be gay after all. Yet, I too feel like a "wannabe", like I'm some genderfluid phony trying to be something I'm not. (I seriously wonder if this shows through in my posts here at EC.) Right or wrong, I get the impression that simply being gay is a lot more desirable than being genderfluid. Dunno, wish I could have some encouraging words for you. But I see you're 17, I'm more than twice your age and I have yet to figure things out for myself. Best wishes to you.
There's been a few times where I wished I could just say I was a lesbian. Although I'm bi, I lean towards girls. I'm not sure if it's just a swing or something, but it's been like this for quite a while. Heck, I even got a 4 on the Kinsey scale (I don't really take that test seriously though, some of the questions were weird). It doesn't help that a lot of people don't understand bisexuality, and I don't exactly help break the stereotypes. My friends even asked me about celebrity crushes at a party last night, and I was able to think of a few girls, but no guys. At the same time, I know my attraction to guys is still there, I'm just picky when it comes to who I find attractive. Doesn't help I also have a little bit of demi in me, and I can't fall for anybody unless I connect with them in some way. The most I can do for people I haven't connected with is say something like "Good sir, you have been graced with some fine genetics." I wish I could give better advice on this. I'll say this though, you're not a "wannabe" or anything like that. If you're attracted to girls, you're attracted to girls. Whether or not you're attracted to guys doesn't affect that. Not only that, but you don't even have to decide on a label if you don't want to. If homoflexible or homosexual or bisexual don't sound right to you, you don't have to identify as any of them.