Sorry I'm asking this question again I was thinking back today and I remember my mom use to give me these random articles to read that were about lesbians one was about this lesbian couple that lived in secret for years and they explained how they met each other and became a couple and grew old together , I remember saying how she was disgusted by it and she didn't understand how two women could love each other another time she read something in a magazine about Bill de blasio's wife and how she was a lesbian and she married a bill and fell in love with him . I remember my mom was saying I don't get how a woman can say she's lesbian then be with a man maybe she wasn't really gay she was doing it because it was cool or to get attention . I didn't answer but thought it was an interesting article . Now I'm looking back and thinking did my mom know I was gay and is this why she gave me these articles to read . I remember one time she threatened me and ask me if I was a lesbian and she said if you are I want you to call everyone right now and tell them your a lesbian . I ended up crying and asked her to stop and told her I was not a lesbian . I wasn't ready to come out then and today I'm not ready either . I've even heard my mom say to my dad's cousin that she can not stand how gay people wait til later in life to tell their parents that their gay and that they should do it right away and save them the punishment and suffering later . Now for some reason my mom thinks I'm with men but hiding it from her and told my dad she thinks I'm having sex with guys ? but she seems to no longer give me those articles . I'm glad for now that she thinks I'm straight it gives me a good hiding spot and she no longer questions me anymore but one thing that I forgot to add is when I was a teen I didn't dress very feminine because use to be pretty depressed back then and didn't care about how I looked and also I was made fun of by a guys for dressing feminine because I had small breasts I guess my mom thought I was lesbian because of this and now I dress very feminine and she never questions me anymore .So I'm thinking was those articles her way of showing she's not ok with me being a lesbian ? __________________
If you think about it, showing you those articles was the equivalent of any random father showing his son how to use tools or go fishing, or any mother teaching her daughter how to cook. She has this set idea of what people should be - straight. Doesn't matter if she suspected it or whatever it's just her way of putting the idea in your head that you probably out to be straight 'just in case'. Think of the way some parents scold their son when he tries on mums heels or won't let their daughter try out for football. What I find particularly strange is that your mum will never appreciate the irony of this phrase: "she can not stand how gay people wait til later in life to tell their parents that their gay and that they should do it right away and save them the punishment and suffering later" How could you tell a parent who thinks this your sexuality as a child?
Yeah and she was all upset and crying saying how could they do this to their parents . I was thinking how selfish could she be she's not even thinking about anyone at all but herself . I know if I came out she would send me to church more so I would be straight and call her friend that's a pastor to talk to me or worse make me go to the bible study or have him talk to me and tell how my lesbian ways are bad .
Yeah I do but i get silenced in my house so much that I forget and I get punished severally I stand up to her on a lot of stuff but It's scary when your alone and no one is in your corner and people mostly my parents are telling me I'm wrong for standing up for myself and acting my age .
But you're not wrong, you KNOW you're not wrong and anyone in their right mind (aka NOT your parents) will tell you the same. I thought your dad was slightly more...you know...NOT crazy that your mum, what does he say when you stand up for yourself and point out that you're a grown woman not a child?
he takes my mom 's side and calls me a liar sometimes . he'll say " yOu know what you did was wrong just ignore her , and I agree with what your mother said the way you behaved was out of line . You should apologized to your mom ." "you maybe be 25 but you have to respect the rules of the house , or your not acting like a woman the way you talk your being disrespectful " that's what he says he takes her side on everything even though he knows she's wrong .
He told me drunk once that he's fine with me being a lesbian but he has a habit telling my mom my secrets . I would have came out if he didn't .
Then you need to get that man on your side, because unlike all the other times when he can side with your mother, if he's said he's OK with it, this time he can't and you can hold that over him. You haven't DONE anything, they can't invoke rules of the house because you aren't dating anyone. You haven't SAID anything to her, so you've not broken that rule, you've kept good and quiet. You've not tried to force it on her, or even suggested it to her. All you've done is existed. Personally I would want to go somewhere alone with dad and talk it through, explain your fears about what mum will say and see what happens, but I realise that's a difficult thing to do - but on the other hand it NEEDS to be done, you can't let your mum force your life...if she's mad, she's mad. If it's a choice between pissing your parents right off and getting your own adult life back then I'd take (and have taken repeatedly) the chance to piss them off. It's scary as hell, it is, but it's better than sitting there knowing that the only reason you can't do the things you want to do is because your mum never learned how to be a real human being.
Do you think I should come out to my dad ? or just tell him how I feel when my mom treats me like a crap ? I'm trying to make sure I fully understand .
Both...either...one then the other? Whichever you feel you are able to do! If you start telling your dad that you are concerned that your mum is treating you like a child and list some example, like not letting you go out without telling her where and why, not wanting you to have a job or whatever, I gather you have a bunch. You might find that coming out to him then comes naturally, because actually one of the biggest things is that you are scared to be YOU around her. You are scared of being the outcast of the entire family. Remind him how he once told you he would be OK with it, and tell him how you really hope he meant that.
I'll try but i only feel comfortable right now about how my mom keeps treating me like a child . I'm not ready to tell him I'm a lesbian .
Then thats all you need to tell him. But you need to tell him something, because this whole situation with your mum is becoming more if an issue than coming out is (from the outside at least).
