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(this is probably a generic title but) I feel so confused...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Opheliac, Feb 4, 2014.

  1. Opheliac

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    (long rambly post alert)

    I'm an 18 year old girl. I've been quite sure I'm not straight for a couple of years now, maybe a little more. I had pretty much no crushes at all when I was younger (as in, in middleschool which was when all the girls in my class could talk about nothing else) and when I got older, I started realising I had feelings for girls more than boys.

    I'm just finishing school. One exam in a couple of weeks and then I'm out. I go (went?) to a girls' school, and there's a boys' school just across the road which is essentially the same school with the same name under the same administration, and we do a lot of activities as a single unit, but the classes are separate.

    Anyway, last year in July we performed a musical as one school, and my character in the play had a love interest. The guy who played the love interest is a really cool person and we became really close friends very fast, and because a lot of the rest of the cast were silly and immature they kept pushing us together and teasing us and things. I told him right from the start I wasn't straight and he understood and we're still really close friends.

    Recently though, I've been thinking about him a lot, thinking strange cheesy things like how he's so nice to me and how warm his hugs are and what a sweet person he is, and things like that. I know it sounds like a silly movie and stuff but I keep thinking these things. But at the same time, I'm very sure I don't feel any kind of sexual attraction towards him at all. It's really confusing me and I don't know what to think. Every time I meet him I overwhelmingly want him to hug me and warm my hands and cheesy things like that. But I'm very sure I don't feel any kind of sexual attraction towards him. Definitely not the way I've felt for girls before.

    At the beginning we were adamant that we were not going to do anything to provoke the silly people in the cast of the play. Now I don't even care about them anymore but I don't know what to do. I'm extremely sure that I don't ever want to have a sexual relationship with him but I really really do love him as a person. I'd even trust him enough to talk about this with him but I don't want to make things needlessly awkward.

    I really don't know what's happening, whether this is just a phase and I should wait for it to go, or what. I've felt like this for a couple of months now. I know this is a long and probably cliche or boring post but I really really don't know what to do :/
     
  2. LovelyBunny

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    Do you find him attractive? It might be your just not attracted to him in a sexual way...
    Have you found any man sexually attractive?
    If not- you might just preference women?
     
  3. wanderinggirl

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    Don't take my advice. But what i would probably do in this situation is hang out with him and when there is a "moment" ask "would it be weird if we kissed?" and if he goes for it you'll feel whether or not it's right. If it's not, I'm sure the friendship would bounce back. I actually had a similar moment with a friend, but I ignored the alarm bells in my head clearly telling me I wasn't into him after we kissed, and as a result I regretted everything we did. But that's because we were inebriated and i was ignoring my instinct. If you stay sober and in tune to how your body is reacting, everything should be fine.

    Or, just enjoy this beautiful friendship you have with him that's nonsexual and therefore uncomplicated. I'm so happy for you that you've found a friend like this; they are rare indeed.
     
  4. Opheliac

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    You know, wanderinggirl, that's actually kind of a plausible option :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I might try that.