Hey Guys and girls, I would like to begin by saying thank you if you can help in any way and I am 20 as I am an emotional wreck right now with this problem. I have been for about the past 3 years going through some rough times identifying what has been going on. It all started when one of my straight male friends had touched my leg as a joke. This joke sent this somewhat of a rush through my body and from that point on started wondering if I had enjoyed that rush or not and I began to freak out and question weather I was no longer the straight male I once thought to be. I began having crush on girls when I was in first grade and always had a different crush years after till this day I think I still get crushes on girls but they are not as strong as I recall them being. For example a crush in 7th grade would have me thinking about the girl nonstop and just because she was the prettiest girl I would come to know now its more of a this girl has a lot in common with me she would be a good girl to bring home to mother some day, hey now she looks pretty I should try and talk to her. I cannot recall a time I crushed on a guy in any way but I can recall many guys whose physique I wish I had or just liked to look like. To continue this worrying would bother be for a month or two then go away for another few months then something would cause me to start worrying about my sexuality again usually it was me noticing an attractive male but I guess thats where I'm stuck at, do I notice these men because I want to have relationships emotionally/sexually with them or is it because I just admire how attractive they are or jealousy? My recent worry started because I was at a friends house and was introduced to a roommate of theirs who I thought to be very good looking I was astonished at how handsome he was from the face and how well built his arms were but I'm stuck at whether I would want to jump into bed with him or if Im just trying to say I wish I had that guys looks or, man girls would be all over this guy. I cannot recall ever having a crush on a guy feeling the same way I have crushed on girls before. I have had three long lasting relationships each about two years all of which I soon became just bored with or feelings faded which also worries me because it always happened around the same time where I sometimes didn't want to have sex or kiss my gf. This worry started with my second gf and affected my school and my relationships because I let it consume my life and makes me feel depressed because i do not know what is going on. I have always preferred watching straight porn rather than lesbian because its pretty boring and well gay porn never really tried to get of to it but when I watch it I feel neutral about it like no disgust but no turn on what so ever. Usually when I find a guy attractive its because he has nice facial hair or hairstyle or clear skin or good facial structure or ill say man that guy has really nice abs and biceps or a really muscular chest. Ill usually just automatically say man that guy is hot or ehh he's cute or good-looking but not sure I'm just noticing he's like that or if I'm actually wanting to approach him? I know i have fantasized about women but my mind is starting to tell me are you sure all you fantasized about women or was their some men? I don't recall fantasizing about men but my mind tells me I'm lying to myself even though I am not. I even question weather I am attracted to my best friends who are all good looking men but I feel very close to them in a brother way but when they like mess around and lean on me or try and hold my and messing around I don't know what I feel i feel very scared and confused I don't really like it but I feel like my mind tries to tell me other things. When Im going through these types of things ill spend tons of time on the internet searching things so I'm not sure whats going on if you can help me understand whats happening that would be great.
Hey! I don't think you need to be alarmed that you can tell if another guy is good looking. All guys, gay, straight, or anything in between, can tell if a guy is attractive. If someone says they can't, they're lying. This is similar to me (a gay guy) being able to tell when a girl is attractive. I can recognize that a girl is good looking and may even do a double take, but I'm not going to get turned on or anything. When I see a hot guy it's like, "DAMN, you're hot. I WANT YOU!!!" However, it wasn't always that way. When I was still in denial, my thinking was more like, "I think you look good. Why can't I stop looking at you? Gosh I shouldn't be staring and thinking like this: I'm straight." So I have a few pieces of advice for you: 1. Try to not worry so much. I know this can be incredibly difficult. Even if you are attracted to other guys (not saying you are), it isn't a bad thing. 2. Try to focus on how you FEEL. When you see an attractive girl, how do you feel? Do you feel sexually attracted to her, or is she just a pretty face? When you see an attractive guy, how do you feel? Do you feel like you recognize his good looks, but nothing more? Do you feel sexually attracted to him? Are you changing your answer to these questions because you want to be "normal?" Do you not know how you feel (a very real possibility)? 3. This sort of goes along with #2: don't try to think about labeling yourself. I know this can be difficult. Just focus on the feelings. It can be hard to fit yourself into a box like straight, gay, bi, etc, when you don't know how you feel. When I first came out to myself, I just realized, "Hey I really like guys. I'm attracted to them." When we focus on the label, we lose the focus on ourselves and our feelings, which are much more important than a label. I'm not going to try to label you or anything, but if you have any questions for me about how I found out, etc., or anything else you want to share, just reply.
Thank you so much for replying skov. That really helped me understand a bit more but I'm still confused. My question is how were your actions towards women when you were in denial? Usually when I'm not thinking about it so much I find women attractive I always want to approach them and talk to them I don't stress about my orientation I want to find a girlfriend but as soon as I see a guy who is good looking and I say damn he's really good looking I start questioning myself, but it's like I don't know if I would have sex with a guy ? I don't think I could do it not that I find it repulsive or anything sex is sex men and women or men and men but I think I would prefer to have sex with a woman . See but as I said that last sentence my mind tells me that I'm just lying to myself and just trying to find an excuse but I don't think I am it's like I doubt myself? So when I say man that guy is good looking I get this like rush of I don't know if it's attraction or anxiety but I don't think I have ever said man he's good looking I want to jump in bed with him. I have said man she's beautiful or she has such a nice body part I would do her. It's all very confusing to me why I have his stress. ---------- Post added 4th Feb 2014 at 05:37 PM ---------- I think what also freaks me out is that with my past three gf's I have a good relationship but once I get comfortable around them I stop trying in my relationships like I loose interest know them and those butterflies seem to float away sex is still fun but not as good as the first few times and lately I haven't been able to crush on girls like theirs this beautiful girl that I have been talking to but she gets around but tells me she really likes me and I don't know if it's because I'm slowly realizing I'm gay or just that because she gets around I'm not really that into her the reason why I don't feel mutual about her just really to have sex and that's it.
My actions towards women felt very forced. I did have a girl I had a thing with on and off for years in high school. I dated her because that's what I felt like I was supposed to do. I knew she was a good looking girl and that she liked me, so I did what I thought guys were supposed to do and dated her. I didn't want to date her though. She wanted to screw my brains out, but I just didn't feel the same way and I could never figure out why. Making out with her felt like a chore. I had no idea why at the time. Now I know that the issue was that I wasn't attracted to her (or any other girls for that matter) in a sexual way. All of my emotions and actions were done because I felt like I had to, not because I wanted to if that makes sense. To me, it sounds like you are attracted to women. I've never wanted to talk to a hot girl, but I've felt obligated to. You seem to feel that you want to, which leads me to think that you are attracted to women. That's just my 2 cents on that matter. Now onto guys. I still cannot tell from your posts whether I think you are also attracted to guys or not. I can definitely relate to the "rush" you are talking about around guys. I remember a situation similar to the one you described in your first post. Honestly, it's taken me a while since I realized my attraction with guys to be comfortable about the idea of having sex with one. Almost all of my fantasies have been about guys though, which doesn't seem to be the case with you. I'd just try to focus on how you feel around an attractive guy (someone you don't know very well; not one of your friends) with an open mind. I think you may also want to start another thread in this forum titled something like "Advice from bisexuals" or something. I'm not saying you are bisexual or anything, I just think they may be able to provide a better perspective on your situation because they are attracted to both sexes. If you make that thread, I would try to shorten the original post a bit and make some paragraphs so it gets more attention. A lot of people won't take the time to read big walls of text. I hope this helps!!
