Hi. To start with, I have always considered myself straight. I am a 22 year old male. I can remember back to my childhood getting hold of straight/lesbian porn and instantly becoming aroused. I fantasized about girls in my class all through highschool, and even before puberty too I would think about naked girls which was a very pleasant though. I have had various girlfriends/flings all of whom I have enjoyed extremely satisfying sex lives with. I have been in love with two girls, (one of them I am currently in love with and still seeing who before this I was convinced I would marry). I have had a few failed one night stands with girls where I couldn't get hard, but I just put that down to either alcohol, or performance anxiety - I definitely like to know the girl, and be sure I am interested and comfortable before I have sex. Heres what has been happening: I am on a study abroad program, After an extremely sexual and romantic summer with my Girlfriend (we would do it 3 or 4 times a day), I had to leave for America from England for the entire academic semester. I am in contact with my girlfriend every day, and even do sexual stuff over skype, which is extremely satisfying and arousing also. I even slept with a girl last semester here (dont tell the girlfriend!!) although It wasn't that satisfying and a couple of times I couldn't sustain an erection - I put this down to not really being into her, and probably weirded out as it was the first girl i tried to sleep with after being with my girlfriend. One evening when I was out partying in November I suddenly thought what if I am attracted to other men. This led me into a huge downwards spiral of doubt and confusion. This came to an end as I went back to England for Christmas, spent it with my girlfriend and was extremely satisfied. Now that I am back in America I am starting to feel confused again. I don't know if I am legitimately attracted to men, and because I am so panicked about the idea, it is definitely warping my judgement - so much so, that I don't even know who or what I am attracted to anymore. I have asked my roommate (a Bi girl) and she says maybe I am bi. I just can't tell. I have tried to masturbate to gay porn, and to solo guys masturbating, but I can't really get hard, or that interested in it. I am kind of indifferent/grossed out by it! And once I switch back to watching a girl masturbating, or straight, or lesbian porn, I become instantly aroused. When I watch straight porn, I actually find it a turn off to see too much involvement from the guy, if he is going down on the girl, or he is too loud, I dont like it. This has led me to believe that maybe I am simply a bit curious? But if i was just curious then I don't know why it would be causing me so much stress. There has been a few times when I just want to lye in bed because I am feeling so low. Growing up, I have never been aroused, had fantasies, or had crushes on any of my male friends, and I definitely have a lot of male friends, many more than friends who are girls. One thing I have noticed is that I can make friends with girls much easier than guys though, but my dad has always said he was the same, and he is 100% straight. When I see guys around college, I can't stop but look at them and question whether I am attracted or not. I just can't tell, and as I said, because I am so panicked, I can't discern legitimate feeling from forced ones. I definitely turn my head when a hot girl walks by, and check her out too. I should add that I have never ever fantasised or had an erection over a man. I also have a tendency to blow things out of proportion in my head, I have obsessive thoughts, and after I failed to get an erection with that girl, it plagued me for a very long time and was a huge hit to my confidence, however when I went back to England and saw my girlfriend, I would be rock hard as soon as she entered the room. Something is definitely up, but I can't tell what. I have tried to picture myself with a guy, but I can't really imagine it, and because im so stressed, I don't know which thoughts are real and which I am strangely forcing on myself. I also have a tendency to think strange thoughts in certain situations, like what if I jumped infront of this train, although I would obviously never do that. Is this just an amplified obsessive thought? Whatever it is I am incredibly anxious about it. The most difficult thing is, the person who I talk to about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING (my girlfriend) I dare not say a word of my predicament to her, because she will freak. Before this confusion occured, i have NEVER questioned anything. I just want to be resolved, please help!
Alcohol can cause temp. ED, or make it harder for you to climax. but anyways... you're 22, I think you're going through a self-discovery phase, it happens to alot of people in the "college" years. or maybe you're just demi-sexual! =p which means you only really get aroused around people you have a close emotional bond with
Just to add - Because I am thinking about it so much, I have started to notice becoming awkward when talking one on one to another male, I can't tell if im attracted, or that my paranoia is causing a falce or forced sexual tension. All in all I am terribly confused and low. It is like my view of myself has been turned on its head, but as I say I get obsessive thoughts, so maybe this is just an obsessive phase, which will fade like my other ones do. I just want some clarity I am also terribly conflicted about what to do about my girlfriend, who I won't see for another 4 months. I am almost feeling guilty talking to her, because of all this going on in my head. About this Demi-sexuality.. I don't know if I fit into it, as with my current girlfriend, and the one I was seeing before, I definitely got aroused with them before forming a strong emotional bond. Thanks for the responses
Okay, your straight. I am going through the exact same thing. You will start to calm down and weave out the useless junk you make up in your head. Go and get a therapist or counselor to talk to. Sexuality isn't so black and white. Your freaking out too much. Just because u weren't hard don't mean shit about your sexuality. Don't freak out so much, I know this is hard but over time you will just start to care less and realize how stupid some of the stuff is that your worrying about. There have been numerous people here like you. I am one of them, and everyone else will tell you the same thing as me. Just say your curious, it gives what you obsess about a place to go instead of being a jungle mess in your head and you will soon realize how dumb stuff kt that your obsessing about. You may have to go.on medication. I am on it and just started it. I would freak out about anything and everything, including many other things. And if your having gay fantasies Don't worry, it won't mean your gay or bi or anything. They could be happening for a number of reasons. It may mean you are bisexual or gay tho. But if you ask me you defiantly like girls. So I woudl rule out gay. Take your time, relax and good luck. As of right now I identify as as straight, Kinsey 1. And most guys are like that. No worries. Now go.on and enjoy your days and don't freak out like me!!
Thanks for the feedback. I'm pretty sure I don't need meds just because I'm feeling a little confused...
From what you've written, I'd say you're probably straight (sorry, but none of us can get inside your head and know what you are with 100% certainty). A common thread in everything you've written here is that you react to women on a 'gut' level (actually a spot a bit lower than your gut), while everything you're thinking about guys sounds purely mental. You don't describe having an urge to do anything with a guy or getting any kind of pleasure or arousal out of either checking out guys or thinking about doing stuff with them. Instead it's all 'but what if I'm gay?' . So other than the fact that you are capable of intellectually comprehending the existence of gay feelings and gay sex, you don't give any indication to me of anything more. And in my experience if you were non-straight or even just a horny guy wondering if sex with a dude might feel good or get you of harder or better than with a woman, there would be more feeling there. I don't think you're gay or bi. Todd
You sound definitely straight to me, but maybe I'm not the person to ask because I've been going through pretty much the same thing. The people on here didn't think I am gay either. I've had the exact same questions, like once in a while out of the blue that thought 'am i really gay' and that leads to selfquestioning and the testing to see if you're attracted to guys and what not. I have a similar story as you. From as early as I remember, it was naked girls, buying the first porn mag, fantasizing about girls in class, I still remember that sexy older girl in the wardrobe when I was a young teen etc etc. I was a shy kid and took a while to get going. Since then I've had many sexual experiences with women and thoroughly enjoyed everything about it. I mean, with all the boners I've had with women and my obvious lack of sexual attraction to men, you'd think there wasn't any reason to even question my sexuality. Perhaps some other things are going on? I've had low libido for a while and possibly been depressed too, which probably led to me questioning my sexuality once again. Then my brother recently saying he was gay or bi quite influenced me, because we are close. When I talk to him though, it seems like his is another story than mine without the same strong sexual attraction with girls. It doesn't seem like his worries are of the same nature if you get what I mean, it's more about how society deals with homosexuality and such. My brother and I are very similar, but also very different, it is probably why it is so difficult to say what defines sexuality both genetic and enviroment. In any case, I don't think you're gay, because you enjoy women much too much. As I said, maybe something else is going on, your relationship, something else unresolved? Or it is the remnants of the 'gay gene' that didn't fire, I don't know
Yeah, I don't exactly know what it is! I think because I have quite an obsessive and irrational mind (everyone always says that about me), If an unwelcome and uncomfortable thought enters it, I obsess about it, and it becomes a self propelling spiral. I have tried a few times to see if guys arouse me and they dont.. even yesterday I was sitting next to a girl in class and got hard thinking about her naked... but the questioning remains. Very strange. It disappears and I won't think about it for a week, then suddenly out of nothing, the unsubstantiated thought "am i gay" returns. You mention the depression, low libido then questioning thing.. maybe my experience is something similar. I am completely infatuated and sexually obsessed with my girlfriend, to the point when not many other girls come close.. I also happen to be in a different country from her for 4 months so this has led me to get a bit down, and feel sexually unconfident. I think my lack of attraction to other women, coupled with the fact I can't access my girlfriend, has maybe led me to question things.. and as I have an obsessive mind, when one tiny thought comes in, it gets blown way out of proportion. Whatever is going on, hopefully one day it will be resolved
