Hi everyone, I recently came out as Bi to myself and people closest to me after being strait for most of my life . I haven't announced to the entire world as I feel its none of there business or it will change the way they look at me unnecessarily. But that's not why I am writing. I feel kinda nervous, excited and confused about all this. I would like to explore this part of me that is attracted to women but i honestly don't know how. I am afraid that out gay women will look at me like some newbie virgin or bi-curious ( which a part of me doesn't know if I am). I am clueless when it come to flirting with women and I don't know why but i feel the term queer doesn't apply to me. I am proud of being a sexual and sensual woman but this aspect of my life makes me feel like a 16 year old dweeb/ virgin all over again. I have never even kissed a woman! and just admitting that makes me feel a little mortified. There a part of me that doesn't even know if i would know HOW to have sex with a woman. What is fauz-pas and what isn't? what are cultural norms? Any advice or insight is much appreciated. Thanks
Hi I was in the same boat as you a while ago and still am to be honest! I feel like I'm going through this whole teen angst stuff in my 20's after supressing it for most of me life aswell, its hard but it does get better! The best thing is just to get out there be it online dating/, and I've just started doing so... And at the moment I'm a bit scared and it's strange but it feels so right at the same time. It's scary and some people will be skepticle but remember everyone started from somewhere. I'm still testing the waters with actually dating women properly - having only had a few sexual encounters but nothing more serious/proper dating as I tend to "run" easily and I get scared of my feelings towards women as I know some day I'm going to have to tell my family. I'd say just put yourself out there, it can be mortifying at times - but makes for some good stories later on! C
glad to know it gets better. Its just weird being in my twenties being very sexual and experienced when it comes to men. but women I feel like a deer in the headlights. samezies YES YES YES. i know its not the wrong thing to persue women but i feel kinda scared about it at the same time. I think i am just afraid of being a newbie. I know I look at a hetero guy differently if i know its a virgin. So I expect that women will look at em the same way. I know some will be okay about it but I am afraid of stepping on toes in the mean time. Trust me I have already have some good stories about making a fool of myself trying to hit on ladies.
First off, don't feel bad for not kissing a girl yet. You're just starting to come out, and how can anybody expect you to have kissed another girl when nobody knows about your sexuality? It's not something you have to prove by kissing someone. Same thing goes for lesbian sex; you don't have to know everything about it, just that you're willing to do it at some point. When it comes to flirting though, the best advice I can give is to not over think it. A lot of times, I've found flirting with guys and flirting with girls to be exactly the same. There's no specific way to flirt with a girl. Just do what you feel is right. And if you encounter any gay women who judge you for not dating a girl before, they're not worth your time. It can take a bit of time to get adjusted, but once you've become more comfortable with your sexuality and expressing it, things will get easier.
Eleanor, Do you find a lot of gay or bi women to be judgy of newbies? Also how long would you say its takes to get adjusted. Thx, Kdiz PS- I find it super cool that you are 16 and seem to already have this figured out!
Personally, I haven't met anyone in my age group who is scared of newbies. If anything, they judge more on the person's character. Whether or not someone has experience with dating other girls doesn't factor into it. It might be slightly different depending on women your age, but if any girl is open-minded, she won't care. It's also not like anyone can tell you haven't dated another girl unless you tell them. Carry yourself confidently, and they'll think you have more experience than they do! When it comes to becoming adjusted, it all just depends. With the right group of people, it can be really quick. I know I didn't fully accept my sexuality until I had not only come out to a good portion of my friends, but found my school's drama club. If you have a group of people who can teach you to be confident and proud, it shouldn't take that long. And thanks! :icon_bigg
