okay, I’ll make this short as I possibly can. I’m confused about my sexuality. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought ever since I turned 17. Anyways, let me start from the very beginning…Ever since I was little, I wasn’t interested in boy stuff, like sports and such, I was more about hanging with girls and chit-chating. But I never had a knack for boys then at all. I think the first time I’ve ever had a gay thought was when I was 10 years old or so. As odd as it sounds, I actually dreamt about getting married to another boy and I felt SO HAPPY. It surprises me how I could have thought up of such a dream as I had no idea of what the word “gay” even meant then. So a couple of years went by and I found myself in the 7th grade. Most of my friends had started to look at nude photos of women on the internet, but I had no interest in that stuff at all. I remember asking one of my friends if there were nude photos of men on there and he told me that yeah, there were. Well that sparked up my interest Fast forward to 10th grade and surprise surprise, I had started to watch gay porn. I didn’t even consider watching straight or lesbian porn or any of the other ‘normal dude’ stuff; I went to gay porn full steam ahead. Seeing men naked and do stuff became a major turn on for me, it made me go crazy (and still does, but not as on the same level as before) But when it came to me considering if I was actually gay, I would just brush it off and think “nah, it’s just a phase.” Now I’m in my senior year of highschool and I’ve started developing actual feelings for guys. I mean, I’ll look at a guy in class and think he’s cute and would feel shy when he talks to me and stuff. I’ve also done a fair share of fantasizing, y’know like boys doing things to me… *blushes* It seems from what I wrote so far that me being gay is a no-brainer but the thing is, I just can’t see myself being with a guy, The thought of having a boyfriend just grosses me out (sorry). To be honest, I’d rather be in a relationship with a girl. But having sex with a girl? God no. I’ve heard of the term ‘heteroromantic-homosexual’ (or whatever it’s called) but it sounds like another whole load of confusion to be frank (again, sorry). I just want you guys to give me your opinion on what my sexuality might possibly be. I know I know, only I can decide that but opinions wouldn’t hurt. Thanks, love you guys.
I had the such a very similar "discovery" experience, and like you also were freaked out by the idea of having a boyfriend. But now, having come out to so many friends over these past years I now WANT a boyfriend with whom I can brag and go to socials etc. I once entertained the idea of having a girlfriend/woman but then I weighed up the odds about my personal sexual preference and I dont want to do that to a person who wont understand it/feel it/support it. So I chose to go guy all the way. Goo luck bud and Love!
