I'm a 16 year old guy, and for a couple of years now I've always had a niggling thought that I might not be straight, but I always used to just push it to the back of my mind and ignore it. About 6 months ago I started to seriously consider the possibility that I might be gay or bi when I realised that I used to fancy one of my male friends. Now, if I see a guy that I find attractive that thought immediately comes into my head, whereas I have to consider whether or not a girl is attractive. Even then I never really feel personally attracted to the girl, it's more an acknowledgment that people would find them attractive. I'm now beginning to think that it's likely that I'm gay or maybe bi, but the thing that's stopping me from accepting and coming to terms with it is the fact that I never feel sexually attracted to anyone, male or female - I can imagine myself being intimate with them and perhaps kissing them, but never anything more than that. When I think about being intimate with a guy it feels more right for me compared with thinking about it with a girl, but the thought of being intimate with a girl doesn't repel me in any way either, it just doesn't feel as right. Is this a common thing for people in my position, or is there another explanation for what I'm experiencing? Does this sound like any of the orientations? Any help or thoughts would be great!
This IS common. You're starting to grow into your sexuality and all the other body changes that happen during puberty. Trust me you aren't feeling anything different then anyone else is. Don't put too much thought into it. Not being able to picture yourself having sex isn't unnatural it's normal, it's new. You'll get there trust me.
Well, look, the first thing you need to realize is that we aren't programmed off a list of possible defaults. Which means any reverse engineering is needless worry. You are who you are, and you've done a great job of describing yourself. That description is really all you need: you are a guy who isn't sexually attracted to any particular person, but who is romantically attracted to your male friend. Great! Go with that. Maybe your friend has compatible feelings about you! You can figure out the sexual part as it comes up -- just be empathetic and honest with your partner, and don't rush into anything faster than you both really want to, and you'll be fine.
Thanks for your help - it's good to know that what I'm experiencing isn't unusual! So where do I go from here...do I wait until my sexual side comes through so that I know for certain what I'm looking for, or what? Based on what I said before about attraction and imagining myself feeling intimate, who would you say I should be looking for? I'm at the stage where I kinda want a relationship, but I don't know where to start looking, or if I should even have one if I don't have sexual feelings like that!
It is very normal and common (speaking from experience). Take it one step at a time and do not ever force yourself into a corner or direction. (*hug*)
Thanks for that! So for everyone those that it's common from their own experience, how did you work it out? Did you just realise one day, or what? And what did you do up until you worked it out?
