Hi, so I began medication about a week ago and ever since then, I've been happier (slightly) and have a much clearer head. But at the same time, as I think more and more about myself and my life goals, I tend to think that maybe men and babies aren't quite for me. It's even gotten to the point where I would even consider myself bisexual, but I can't get myself to commit to the title. Now, this is quite radical a decision for someone like me, and I don't want to blame the medication on something like this because I'm not. I'm just wondering if it could have made it easier for me to realize who I really am? Like, it cleared my messed up mind and made me look at everything (even girls) a little differently? And honestly, I've even been thinking about going to a lesbian bar because I suddenly crave women. And in regards to my 'issues,' I've only had bad relationships with men. My father was never in the picture, and most of my relatives are complete bastards about everything and anything. Growing up, I was tomboyish, like completely. I was often mistaken for a boy. So, naturally, I began to get treated like one - even by my semi-hateful family. I remember them degrading me because I was a girl that acted like a boy. I grew up and never had any relationships. I fooled around with boys a bit, but I never trusted any to get into a relationship with them. My family began making fun of me - viciously - calling me gay, laughing about my lack of dates, always telling me to look when an attractive girl passed, and it embarrassed me. I felt dirty and ashamed. And by then, I had already stopped dressing boyish and more like an androgynous person (but still quite girlish.) In August, my cousin and I got into an argument and he beat me. He viciously beat me down to the ground and I was curled up, crying and nobody helped me. My family told me I deserved it because I shouldn't be acting like a man if I couldn't take the lumps. (I wasn't acting like a man. I was being me.) So here I am now, ashamed to talk to anyone I know, confused and attracted to women. My mother is a very loving and supportive woman, but I just don't have the guts to tell or talk to her. So, what do you guys think I should do? I want to give in and be 'myself' but terror has pretty much got me stuck in one place. and I'm sorry for so much text, I tend to ramble. :icon_redf
Was you're mother letting you're cousin beat the crap out of you? :0 being able to talk to someone is what this site is for. How old are you? Are you able to move out to somewhere more accepting? If you want to chat we can chat on my wall. I'm sorry that you're family's like that. It's truly sad how some people are judge mental, ignorant, jerks.
Wow, that sounds like a terrible situation, I'm so sorry . I'm slightly confused. Your family is horrible, but your mother is supportive? What kind of age are you? Feel free to message me and talk
Im really sorry for your situation and your home life ....Ive been beaten up before and I know it hurts (emotionally and physically). All I can tell you is disregard your family, the hateful things they say and the way they treat you! You don't deserve that. I wont say there horrible people because I don't know them but I will say there doing horrible things that could hurt you psychologically and your relationship with them seems unhealthy, if your able to move out (if your of age) and move in with another family member or friend, I would suggest you do so and rebuild your relationship with your family afar....If you cant, Tell them that you don't like the way they treat (if you haven't already) -because you need to make them aware that how they're treating hurts you- If they continue such harsh mental abuse I then suggest you MIGHT want to get some outside help *cough couch*(not a fan of social sevices or cps) but if you don't feel its necessary to get others envolved I completely understand. * The worlds cruel sometimes and sometimes you gotta take care of yourself, even when people push you down, you get back up... and be stronger! And when they push you back down, get up and be even more STRONGER! and continue to do so intill your so strong no one can push you down again!
That's unfortunate to hear. I hate people like that. I really do. Some people are so blind to the cruelty they express towards one another. It makes the most angry when someone is willing to turn on their own family in such a dark manner. What your cousin did is non excusable. It's a shame that your family would defend his grotesque actions, and you should never have to deal with such a hateful group of people. I don't know your age so I'm going to diverge off into two sub groups. 1.) If you're a legal adult than you need to just get out of that environment. That's all there is too it. If you can leave of your own accord than please do so. Don't stay in a place that makes your life hell. There is no reason for you to stay and as such you need to get out of their as soon as you possibly can. I hope that you have a friend that you can stick with, but if not you'll have to figure out a way to be dependent on yourself because you really can't stay in such a bad situation. 2.) If you're still a minor. Well in this instance you have two options. A.) You can look up what the laws are in your area for 'divorcing your parents' which is basically being granted the right to be considered an adult despite being a minor. I don't know if every place does this. I don't even really know where you're from. If you can do this it would allow you to move out and live on your own somewhere. B.) Talk to someone. If you are being physically harmed by a member of your family and your parents aren't doing anything about it you need to talk to someone. There is no excuse for that behavior and the fast you can get away the better. I know that Social Services and Child Protective Services have a bad habit of sucking, but it's worth the chance to get away from a physically and emotionally abusive environment.
No, I probably should have mentioned that sooner. My mother wasn't present when we fought, so she didn't find out till later, and at that point fighting about it wasn't worth it, so I told her to just forget about it. The damage was already done. I'm twenty-one, so I'm definitely old enough to move out, but financially I'm stuck. Living in New York is so expensive, and for now, I'm stuck right where I am. Thank you. You're very kind. My mother is a very supporting woman, but she has her own life, and unfortunately, I should be old enough to take care of myself. She doesn't really know the extend of the treatment I've received from my family members. Honestly, I try to keep my distance from them, but it's very difficult. I would never tell them that their gay bashing and jokes directed at me are hurtful, because they'll just keep doing it and make it worse for me. I'm an adult, but they still treat me like a worthless child. And I would move away, but again, my financial situation forbids it. :/ In regards to how my family reacted to my cousin beating me, honestly I wasn't all that surprised. Two of the men in my family (who I often come in contact with) are abusive, in more ways than one. They think that a boy becomes a man when he can overpower and control a woman, so my cousin beating me was pretty much one of his major steps into manhood. (as twisted as that sounds) Unfortunately, I have a limited amount of places I can go, and only for a limited time. I can't find permanent housing until I become financially stable (which I'm far from), so essentially, I'm stuck here. Every day I tell myself there are people worse off and that I should just be glad to have a roof over my head for now, but every time I turn around, I have to come in contact with them, and I just feel like I'm endlessly being tortured. But thank you for your kind words and advice - all of you. Talking about it really helps.
You are dissociating. Cramming a bunch of issues into your subconscious. Females are terrible about this flaw. You said u where afraid to talk to someone. Actually u have no one to talk to. You are losing your security figures. This thinking might get you into the playground everyday at school, but will destroy u in life. Your going to have to pull those issues out and deal with them once and for all, or the only way u will be able to mingle with society is thru medication.
:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap I AGREE WITH THIS PERSON 100% take frkn frk advice into consideration please
I ... have no clue how to deal with my issues. Other than running from them, I really don't know what to do.
Grab every inch of strength in your body and *how we say in the south* Grab the bull by the horns and just deal with it! ************************************ You've gotten many suggestions from many people. And as an adult you have to do whats best for you whatever you think that may be... But were you are rite now in life Is an OPTION- There are many ways you can handle this situation and I suggest you pick the best and safest way. What ever you choose?
Have you ever thought of getting out of New York somehow, where the cost of living is lower? No one deserves to have to deal with people like that. It disgusts me that they still exist.
That's just wrong. It's every kind of wrong :tantrum: It makes me angry just thinking about people behaving in such a disgusting filthy manner. Sometimes I just hate people, they can be so evil in some situations. You're right in the fact that some people do have it worse, but that DOES NOT discredit what you are going through. Just because other people have it worse doesn't give anyone an excuse to be any kind of abusive towards another person. I know that options seem limited, but I'd suggest taking advantage of the internet. Look and see if there are any Shelters in your area. I hear that a lot of places have places of refuge for women suffering at the hands of abuse to go and feel safe, and they'll help you get back on your feet. I don't know if you area has one in particular, but it never hurts to go and search. If you're lucky maybe you can find one that will take you in and give you a place to be safe from such horrible people. Please take care of yourself. Every person matters, even if they don't feel that way themselves. If you can get away, then run. Run as fast as you can because you deserve better than this.
I have, but it would still have to be put off for quite some time. I have little to no money to just pick up and leave, and I still have things here I just can't leave behind. I wish it was so simple. Thank you so much. I'll look into some shelters and maybe even some support groups, because honestly, I'm not sure if I can handle this myself forever. But, I'd just like to thank you all again for your support and advice.
You are very welcome. We're always around if you need anything Don't let people ever take advantage of you. You deserve to be cared for as much as anyone else. Go get the help you need, and start working towards a better tomorrow. It's there for you if you have the courage to reach for it ^^
I don't think the medication is to blame for you're sexuality just letting you think clearer about it.
Certain medications can cause increased libido, though, which might make you more aware of what's already there. Since you said you "suddenly crave women", this could be part of what's going on.
