Hello all :icon_bigg Im a 20something guy and have been confused about my sexuality for about 10years. I'm a very laid back, easy going and non judgemental guy and have never let it bother me before but recently I had some conversations with some 'friends' which upset me and got me thinking more deeply about who I am... As some background... I've always been attracted to women and have been in relationships with girls/women since I was about 15, many of them good long-term relationships - I've been with my current partner for 4years now and we're very much in love. I have never had a crush on a man, I have never had sexual feelings or desires towards another man, and I'm not attracted to men physically, ie. a good looking man doesn't turn me on if you know what I mean. However, as well as being into straight porn, I have also always been turned on by watching gay, bi and transsexual porn. I imagine myself as both top and bottom positions even though I'm never 'attracted' to the men I'm watching. I have always enjoyed using toys too and use them as part of sex play with my partner. I could go on but I don't know how explicit I'm allowed to get on here... I'm sure you get the idea though :lol: Anyway, I'm sure you can appreciate how this has always been a bit of a confusion and contradiction for me, but being the laid back guy I mentioned at the top its never really bothered me - or crucially any of my female partners. Recently however I was out for a drink with some uni friends, male and female, two of whom are out gay guys, and you've probably guessed where this is going... the conversation got on to the usual sex chat and who has the best partners, the most fun etc. My 100% straight mates gave the usual bravado responses 'I could never go with a guy etc', all lighthearted banter, but then I foolishly mentioned my liking of gay/trans porn :eusa_doh: which was received with a few jibes and laughs from most, but the one gay guy saw it as an opportunity to lay into me, admittedly this was after a few drinks, but he proceeded to ask a lot of personal questions and just wouldn't let it go, eventually telling me I'm a gay guy in denial, living a lie, a disgrace, and worse! ...and with real venom!:icon_sad: Sorry this is so long... Anyway, I really shouldn't let it bother me, the guy was an idiot, but its been on my mind ever since. I'm now confused about my confusion!... is there such a thing as subconscious denial? ...am I bi? ...am I a straight guy who likes gay porn? ...have I been gay all along?! Would really appreciate some advice
Well I couldn't really tell you what you are. Only you know that for sure. I'm guessing if you enjoy gay/trans porn than you're probably at the very least attracted on a sexual level. This doesn't really mean too much though. If you enjoy the company of women, you enjoy the company of women. If you can't imagine yourself with a man than odds are you are straight. If you can imagine yourself being with a man than you're probably bi. Liking toys doesn't say much about you either. Straight people can like toys just as much as anyone else. Ultimately only you know.
Kind of sad that your friend got so pissed. You'd think that he, of all people, would know to not force things onto anyone. Beyond that, Simple Thoughts covered just about anything which needed to be.
I have to agree. It was a bit dickish of him to be that way. Could be worse though the only gay people I even know around here are biphobic xD
Thanks for the replys guys, and yeah I totally get what you are saying. I think I was just a bit shaken up by that guys attempt to dismantle my sexual thoughts and label me - he was basically a bully and I can obviously recognise that, but its really planted a seed now that's got me wondering. I think if I was pushed to give myself a label I'd say I'm bi. I say this as I've always really been turned on by gay/trans porn - but then I've always equally been turned on by straight/lesbian porn also. The confusion arises because of the attraction thing... although I can fantasise about sex with men and transgenders, I've never had that gut physical attraction to men like I do with women. I feel like I should act on these sexual desires but its difficult if I don't get the attraction. I'm not trying to force myself to have a gay experience, lol, I suppose I'm just trying to work out why and how these desires have always been there? ---------- Post added 10th Feb 2014 at 08:39 PM ---------- Haha, I've just done the Kinsey test mentioned in the other thread, scored a 3... guess that's settled then, lol!
Well honestly you're sounding a little bit on the pansexual side to me. Though from the way you speak it seems like you're hetero-romantic ( only attracted to women romantically ). It seems like your attraction to men and trans doesn't go much further than sexual. I could be mistaken though. ( oh btw Pansexual is Bisexual with the addition of trans attraction. At least that's a simple way of explaining it. ) Yeah don't let other people push you around. Gay/straight/ect...a bully is a bully, and you can't let them get to you. It's a good thing though that you've come to ask yourself these questions. Now that they are out in the open you can work them out for yourself and have a sense of absolution about who you are. The best I can say for you is just work things at your own pace. If you decide you never want to try anything with a male or someone trans than don't. If you ultimately decide you would than just take your time and do it in a way that makes you feel at ease. There is no reason or need for you to push things.
Oh that's unfortunate and I'm glad I could be of assistance. If you need anything else feel free to keep posting here or toss a message my way ^.^
No worries To reply more fully - think Ive opened the floodgates now lol!... Id say I could easilly be attracted to a trans person possibly to the same extent as a woman - but not to a man. This is again confusing because its nothing to do with the actual physical sexuality of the other person, and its also nothing to do with femininity - ie I dont think I could be attracted to a feminine gay man - but I could easilly be (and have been) attracted to an androgenous tomboy girl! :lol: Its all very fluid and once my endorphins take over I suppose anything is possible! Wish I could just get it all straight in my mind, if youll pardon the pun!
It's all fine. Time is key here. With a little bit of time, and an open mind to possibility you'll find where you feel most comfortable ^.^
Just wanted to say thanks again for your advice and thoughts ...just spent the last hour looking up all different terms and info regarding sexual/romantic orientation - really interesting and revealing... First off, its ironic that this whole thing came about because of my apethy re sexual labels and my offence taken with that guy in the bar labelling me - and yet researching some of these labels and terms has lead me to a much greater understanding of how my brain is wired So although I still think this is possibly ever-evolving, after reading a lot of info on this Id say Im definitely Heteroromantic, and Im definitely Pansexual. Its funny that the labels themselves are less important to me than the definitions, but I do feel a bit more relaxed about it all for now :icon_wink
I'm happy to hear you were looking into things. I'm even happier to hear that you've found out more about yourself, and you have a clearer understanding of yourself as a person. It's always nice to know that people can find content in themselves. I wish you all the best ^^
