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unsure what I am

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by three birds bm, Feb 12, 2014.

  1. three birds bm

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    I have been questioning what my sexuality is for quite a while. However I question it at different times thorough out the year. Typically I question sexuality in the winter and then forget about it for the majority of the year. I would like to believe that I am straight but my mind continues to tell me otherwise. Here's a little background of why I question my sexuality.
    All through out my childhood I always had crushes on girls. I wanted to marry one girl when I was four. However I began to question my sexuality around 8th grade after viewing gay porn. I started looking at porn when I was in 7th grade and it was at first to girls. I loved looking at boobs. However after a while I looked at transsexual porn and then to gay porn. While I was looking at gay porn o typically only liked the ones that either the position was doggy style and the guy was girly. This lasted for about 2 months until I googled why do I watch gay porn. The answers I found shocked me and said that I was gay. This sent me into depression because I never liked guys. I eventually got out of the depression and stop worrying whether I was gay or straight and continued on with my life. I had multiple crushes on girls until I got a girlfriend. I always wanted to kiss a girl and I get erections from simply being touched or holding hands. I have had a girlfriend now for 2 years and I love her. We have sex all the time and i love being with her. I cant picture life without her in it. Howver this is where my questionjng starts again. I look back tk when i viewed gay porn and got off from it. Then my mind tells me that i am gay and just in denial and i never liked my girlfriend. This is what freaks me out. I fear of getting married only to find out that I am gay and my life has been a lie. i have never have had a crush on a guy and have never wanted to kiss a guy. I just dont want to hurt my girlfriend and end up being gay. I just am confused becsude i was turned on by gay porn. But now when i look at it it doesnt do the same as it use to to me. Any advice would be awesome! Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  2. sam the man

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
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    A few people
    Hey there.

    Reading your post I wouldn't say you're gay. A lot of people jump to conclusions about watching gay porn and are eager to label someone who does as gay, but really it's not that simple and porn doesn't actually count for that much. If you do watch and enjoy gay porn, then ok- maybe you're not *100%* straight and maybe there is an attraction on some level, however faint. But it doesn't automatically make you gay. Some things to think about on that:
    1) Porn doesn't always match up with your sexual orientation. Read around on EC or the web and there are gay guys who watch lesbian porn, lesbians who watch gay porn, and a whole lot in between. Basically, people can watch things in porn that they might not even consider in real life.
    2) You can get aroused in porn for a number of reasons other than the people in it. It could be the taboo nature of the porn, or the dynamics of the sex, or a fetish of yours, or just the fact that it's two people who are getting it on :slight_smile: so yeah it's not always the fact that you're attracted to the people per se.
    3) It's possible that you've just got tired of the porn you were watching and were trying something new. It happens sometimes.

    So I'm just saying take your porn viewing habits with a pinch of salt. The thing with porn is it doesn't always match up neatly to your orientation and to an extent it can be misleading in that way. I'm not saying don't use it, if you enjoy it go for it, but just don't be as quick as the other people on the forums you read to think it makes you gay, because that's not necessarily true.

    Some better indicators would be what happens in your head and in real life. Think about who catches your eye in the street, or who you fantasise about more frequently, or who you can see yourself being with. Basically how real people of each gender make you feel. Those are much better indicators of your sexuality, and tbh it sounds like you know where you stand on that! You love being around girls, you like being with them, you like doing things with them and you feel fulfilled by them. Conversely, guys have never made you feel that way. That to me says you're more straight than anything else, if you were gay you would most probably feel a romantic and sexual pull towards guys in real life as well, but it sounds like girls do that for you. So, with the porn, you might have a slight sexual attraction to guys, but it doesn't really extend to anything beyond that and it's not significant enough for you to want to act on it. I don't think you're gay from what I've read.

    Whatever the outcomes, best thing is just to not let it get to you. It's easy to overanalyse this stuff, but just let things come naturally when they will and keep and open mind; if you like a guy, go for it! And if you like a girl, go for it! Just don't try and overthink it because from experience doing that raises far more questions than it answers, so just letting the answer come to you rather than trying to take yourself to it is the best approach imo.

    Good luck!
     
  3. Moogie

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi! :slight_smile:

    I don't really think that you are homosexual, more like heteroexual with a slight attraction towards the same gender. You probably could get involved into a homosexual relationship, but it seems that creating a serious relationship with a man would probably be out of your range. You are actually longing a relationship with a woman, not man, what is pretty important for your sexual orientation. Obviusly, i can't tell you that you are defienitly not homosexual, since you are the only one who can defienitly know that. Chances are that you are bisexual, but being homosexual doesn't seem likely, at least for me. I would still go with saying that you are heterosexual, though.

    I would also advise you to have a honest conversation with your girlfriend, esspecialy since you think it is something serious. You seem really dedicated, what is a good sign either :wink:

    I would also advise you taking the Kinsey Test. Don't take it too seriously, it gets the answer wrong more than often, but it can be helpful some of the times. I would give you a link for this:
    Kinsey Scale Test

    Good luck! :wink: