Bisexuals, pressure to be one way or the other?

The only time I've ever experienced the particular brand of biphobia you're talking about it was from a gay man xD

Take that how you will, but he went with the typical "You've got to be one or the other" idea. I just ignored it because I don't really care enough one way or the other to be bothered by little things

Yeah Bisexuals have their own problems to deal with from people who are ignorant. It's just a thing that happens.

 

The most common one I hear from people is "Why don't you just date the opposite sex", and occasionally them going on to explain that at least that way I wouldn't have to deal with being gay. People just get hung up on that.

Now they don't mention it because they can't decide how it works In their eyes I'd be gay with a man, in mine I'd be gay with a girl. So they tend to leave it be now...so in a way, I win!

 

You hear a lot of things in comment sections, both on straight-aimed and LGBT-aimed sites, I try not to let it get to me but it's hard sometimes.

On sites like EC where there are many gay people as well as bisexual people, I also feel as if I have to focus on the gay side of my sexuality; sometimes it would be nice to talk to only bisexual people who wouldn't care if I discussed same-sex or opposite-sex issues depending on when they arose. Similarly with straights I find it hard to talk about same-sex stuff.

In the same way also feel pressure to be 'more gay' with other LGBT people and more straight with het people. I sometimes find it awkward to talk about het/gay crushes as well.

I get what you mean with your comment though

 

It's gotta be tough. I think you definitely have to have a greater sense of self when you're bisexual. And let your acceptance and happiness come from within. It's difficult for people to understand. Especially because you guys get a really really bad wrap.. I like to think that there are bisexuals and bi curious people. And the sooner bisexuals can make the distinction between that..the sooner it'll be for everyone to grasp the concept. Bisexuality is a lot more synonymous with sex than it is the emotional aspects of who you love.. I know for me as a gay guy, sometimes I'm envious, sometimes it makes me jealous, other times it makes me kinda sick.. just depends on the head case I'm dealing with. When I've talked to legitimate bi guys, ones that are in tune with their emotions, I thought that I could definitely settle with a bisexual guy. After all, it is the more masculine traits that attract me. The problem is that I have a lot of history with bi curious guys.. and the thought of a guy leaving me for a girl is soul crushing... I try to avoid those heartbreaks at all costs.. and unrequited loves. I think it's important for you guys to rely on one another, and also, work on explaining your feelings to others and not getting upset when it comes off as a challenge. It's just difficult for others to find the empathy required to talk with you. And I can imagine it was likely that way for gay men in the beginning. I think once same sex interests are really excepted, bisexuality will be the main focal point.

 

I don't know much about bisexuality so pardon my ignorance.

How does it work? Are there days when you feel more attracted to women than men? Then other days when you feel more attracted to men than women?

I definitely think there must be a lot of internal pressure for bisexuals. It must be confusing.

Being gay I just know that I'm mostly attracted to guys. It's simple for me and in that way much easier for me than a bisexual who has to deal with discrimination from straight and gay people. It must feel like you don't belong anywhere sometimes.

 

I had the same thing with thinking I was lesbian when I met my girlfriend. I was so caught up with her that I never thought about guys or anyone and I mistook that as being lesbian.

I've had a lot of ignorant comments directed towards me when I tell them I'm bi and they say I can "choose" i have "more choice" etc etc.

I obviously don't speak for everyone, but for myself. I identify with bisexuality because I'm both physically, emotionally and mentally capable of falling in love with both genders. I don't ever purposely decide to get into a relationship, it has always been about if there was a right person at the right time at the right place.

I also don't give it much thought. I love who I love, and who that was in my previous relationship to my current, and unfortunately if I there is a next has no correlation. It's the person and connection I have above any gender identity or physical anatomy.

 

I definitely felt this pressure at one point or another. Most people just assume I'm gay, which I really don't have too much of a problem with considering I'm mainly attracted to girls. However, I am still attracted to guys, and a lot of people don't understand that. I wanted to just be a lesbian for some time to make things easier, but I quickly realized that wasn't going to happen.

Honestly, I just wanted to be one or the other because of all the stereotypes people have against bisexuals. They made me wonder if I was truly bi. However, I'm comfortable with my orientation at this point, and wouldn't want anything to change.

 

I have never experienced that but I definitely know that many people do believe that being bisexual is just that persons way of not confronting their true feelings. I've seen it on this website and on many others but for me, I definitely think that bisexual is a thing. I am bisexual and I too go through periods where I am either only attracted to guys or only attracted to girls. I don't look at myself as being gay when I go through those periods.

 

I am bisexual (maybe possibly more lesbian) but I find being bi really confusing. I has "gay" days and "straight" days. When I'm bored/lonely I seem to fantasize a lot about being with a woman, I also get really possessive of my close girl friends. Then there's guys like my husband who give me butterflies, make me giddy and school girl happy.

I also find that my sexuality is kind of influenced - like if I watch regular tv (with straight characters) or if I'm around straight people I feel more straight. If I'm on this site or watching lbgt shows; I feel more gay.

 

Personally, I tend to swing around depending on my mood. I think that people's disapproval comes from the idea that being in a relationship with one person is kind of difficult when you are attracted to both sexes, which I would tend to agree with, actually

 

Interesting, I always wondered how that felt. Being only partially out and a small part of myself bisexual (that I don't usually acknowledge, I prefer to identify as gay), I do feel that way sometimes. That 10% of me that is attracted to women goes up when I'm hanging out with the guys, my straight friends. When I'm around gays I'm 100% gay. I think that's really interesting.

 

Lately I've been thinking way more about guys .... Maybe just because I work with a couple really hot guys? I dunno .... Telling anyone where I worked would be a pretty big risk though .... Very homophobic atmosphere ... These hot guys though .... I'm guessing they could be bi .... Or at least bi curious ... Really hard to know for sure though ... They'd say straight if asked I'm sure ... And then sometimes ... I'm just mostly thinking about women .... It's kind of weird ....

 

I feel the pressure, of course, but I was concerned that not only does it come from the heterosexual community (as expected), but also from the homosexual one (which I honestly CANNOT understand). We are supposed to be together in this, or at least to be supportive or each other.

But not every member of the LGBT community is like that, which really worries me, to be honest. United we stand, divided we fall, right? So why we are divided? Speaker´s. Of course I KNOW WHY heterosexuals and homosexuals don´t like us. But seriously... things are NOT JUST black and white. People in general always complain about other people´s misunderstanding (sometimes deliberate), they complain that the society sees everything in B & W, but they do too! I say lots of them, not all of them. In everything in the world, there is always A SPECTRUM. It´s like with e.g. skin colors - some people are white, some people are black. But theer are also Asians (aka yellow people), Indians (Red people)... that´s a lot of colors! Another example: mental health. You don´t have JUST sane and insane people. Who is, after all, completely sane or completely crazy? Most people are not, they oscillate somewhere in between. Which means there is a grey area. Generally speaking, there are LOTS of things that are unexplored in this world. We don´t know about the existence of 97 percent of stuff that exists (I read; dunno if it´s true, take it with a grain of salt). I mean, it DOES exist, but we don´t know about it or we don´t see it.

So why bisexuality could not exist? Most people who say that it does not exist still rely on studies from the forties or fifties (which speak only of two sexual orientations). But they dunno about the possible invalidity of such studies because they think it´s all nowaday research. People believe what they are said, they pass it from grandfather to father to son, and suddenly it becomes the only acceptable truth. Besides, people like fast and easy-to-understand conclusions because they don´t want to be bothered with analyzing things. It is easier that way. I personally believe to Freud and Kinsey who say there is a whole spectrum of sexual orientations, not just two polar opposites (it would be unhealthy for the population, I guess). I know that these gentlemen and their studies (especially Freud´s) could be now taken for outdated, but so are ALL original theories about sexuality on which we now base our latter discoveries, right?

Journalists and scientists rarely come up with brand new and never-heard-of ideas, especially when it comes to human sexuality. All those studies that we use these days are based on those old ones. The ones that e.g. say that there are only 4 percents of homosexuals. Oh, COME ON! We now know that there must be much more of them. Everybody dares to discredit these old and now invalid theories, and that is RIGHT. YET almost everybody believes that there are no bisexuals, as people used to believe in the forties, fifties. Haven´t we got anywhere? I mean, it´s already 2014! Of course there MUST BE some kind of a SPECTRUM to human sexuality. Things are not just black and white. So I believe in us, bisexuals. Naturally - because I am one of them. But I HATE that I have to "validate" myself to all people; not just to heteros but to homos as well. That is really annoying. So yeah, I really DO feel the pressure, and it is quite "mighty".

 

Watching shows or whatever never seems to affect my sexuality, but it does affect my personality and mannerisms.

I've been on a Buffy the Vampire Slayer obsession lately. At one point I found myself feely loopy and mimicking Drusilla's mannerisms, and then a few days later I felt snarky and sarcastic like Cordelia.

 

Actually, one of my best friends thinks that you have to choose one or the other. She doesn't get how I can like both. But yes, sometimes I feel pressured to choose one side or the other. Not sure why, but I do. It could be because most of my friends are girls, and trying to explain why I'm not interested in them is complicated when people still think I like girls. I don't really know. It might honestly make it easier to explain stuff, and to find a relationship, but I don't really know how I'd feel just limiting myself to one sex or the other, when I'm open to being with both.

 

My cousin told me I gotta choose between men or women.... welll... might be easy.. I was with a woman sexually recently and cant see myself with a guy anymore.. but anyway.. I think there are lots of people who say bisexuality is same as bicurious... not true.

 

No, don´t let them do you the judging if you don´t want it. Stay in the grey area if you wish! They have no right to direct or coach your sexuality. How dare they! Don´t listen to them, stay who you are. You should not choose a site... for God´s sake, this is NOT WAR! You can be and do anything you want and like. End of story.