:help: Hello everybody, this is my first post here. I am currently very confused about my sexuality, and I want to know who I am. Sorry for the long(ish) read. I try to keep positive, so hopefully it won't be too hard. In public, I have always acted heterosexual and interested in women, even dating one once. My friends talk to me about girls. A couple times people have asked me if I was gay, which I denied, so I guess they (may) have been good at guessing :lol:. Keep in mind this was before I began to question my sexuality. I didn't really start to question who I am until a few weeks ago. I know there was always been signs, but I just figured it was a quirk of who I "was", a heterosexual male. These signs include 1) all of my fantasies involve males. A few years ago, they would involve about half-and-half male/female, but as time has progressed, only male ones have remained. 3) I'm having trouble picturing myself in a relationship with a female. While I see how have sexual relations with one may be carnally satisfying, I cannot see myself in a romantic relationship at the moment. 4) I almost never check out girls, but only guys. One thing in particular is a question I avoid. It is something like "rate the 5 hottest girls in our class." The issue with this was I would never know who to pick, and would build my answers from other people's answers. I could distinguish between attractive and ugly, but on the higher end of the spectrum, I had trouble ranking individuals. I could probably have answered the question "who are the hottest 5 guys" though. A few months ago, I first realized something was a bit different, and began to label myself mentally as bisexual, however, more recently, I have noticed my declining interesting in women. A couple of weeks ago I began to wonder if I may be gay, and the thought both makes sense as a possibility to me and scares me. I have no idea what it is like to be gay, and have never thought of myself this way before. The thought has dominated my consciousness, and I really want other opinions and to know who I am, even though that may take some time. Another interesting thing is that I also have trouble picturing myself in a relationship with a man. I mean, I can imagine it happening and maybe even loving another guy, but I can't construct his face or what he would look like. I seem not to be interested in women, but rather selectively interested in men as well. I'm not sure how coming out would go for me. My mom is religious, but not very, and I believe she is "misinformed" about homosexuals. I believe that my dad would be shocked, but wouldn't really care. I have relatives that I know would support me, at least, but I don't see them often. Throughout the last year, I have considered myself everywhere on the spectrum of sexuality, and am thus very confused. Please give me advice about how to move forward. I'm looking for stores, advice, and anyone who can relate, because I don't know who am. Thanks for anything and everything.
You sound exactly like you are going through what I went through. I can only speak from my own position but you sound in the transitional phase that I found myself in, I went through straight porn, bi porn then to gay porn before watching my own preferences follow that route, through school I liked girls, then both, now just men. Everyone in school who was gay was camp, loved the Spice Girls, liked drama or some such which did not help me as I can't imagine anything worse than those things. This is not me trying to be straight acting or some rubbish, I found this really difficult to me as I thought Gay = Camp, I'm not camp so how can I be gay? It is not until I got later in life that I realise that there are gay people who are not camp, like engineering or some equally as 'straight' topic. I also went through a stage of 'living with a bloke? How? No way' to wishing nothing more than being able to have kids, having someone to come home to after work etc. I think the only thing you can do is let time elapse, your thinking will probably change. Suspecting you are gay is a hugely confusing time and if you are like me then you go through the initial stages of not wanting to be gay and pushing the whole topic to the back of my mind. It has taken me about ten years from doubt being straight > fully gay, no one should be pressuring you to resolve your life overnight and don't let you pressure yourself into thinking that you must sort out your sexuality immediately.
Welcome! Your story sounds incredibly similar to mine. I went through literally everything you described. I dated a girl; people asked if I was gay; I always checked out guys; most of my fantasies were about guys; I had problems seeing myself in a relationship with a guy; etc. I definitely can relate to you though. I never thought that I could be gay especially because I wasn't very stereotypical. For now, my advice is to just focus on how you feel rather than trying to label yourself. When I first came out to a few of my friends, I just said, "I like guys." I honestly didn't know if I liked girls or not. I have now figured out that I don't like girls and only faked it to try to seem normal. Labeling yourself can make it harder at first because usually you will compare yourself with the stereotype of the group if that makes sense. About your comment about not knowing "how to be gay," there isn't really any specific way. Some gay guys are very masculine; some are very feminine. There isn't really any particular "lifestyle." Being gay just means that you find guys sexually attractive instead of girls. Also, with time and acceptance, you become more open to the idea of having a relationship with a guy. When I first realized I liked guys, I wasn't comfortable with the thought of dating one. With time, I have been able to get over how society teaches us to think and realize that being in a relationship with a guy is perfectly fine and just what I want.
