So let me begin by saying that I have identified as gay for about 2 years now. (I'm 16). When I was younger I have always felt different from other children, especially boys, they were chasing after girls and I wasn't really chasing after anyone. Boys were hanging with boys, and I was hanging with girls. I did think some boys were cute and I imagined being with them but as a girl. I even thought of myself being a girl in my younger years. I know that it seems strange now, even to me. However, I never thought into it as a little kid. My first big crush on a boy that I noticed was in 5th-6th grade on a boy named Aaron. Many girls liked him and so did I (I sat by him in homeroom). However, I didn't think of it possibly meaning that I was gay, because I didn't really know what it ment to be gay. I crushed hard on a few other boys as well throughout middle school. Then came high school.. I joined Theatre and made new friends (mostly girls). One night when I was on Facebook I was chatting to this gay kid from my middle school (he was in 8th grade, I in 9th) and he asked if I was gay, I told him bi but prefer guys. And it was kind of releaving cause I felt like I could like what I like. Then I realized I was gay not bi cause I didn't like girls the way in like guys. So I told a few friends and they were all accepting. That next school year, I told my parents and they seemed ok with it. Going back to school I started wearing tighter jeans and preppy clothes, I guess I wanted people to know I was gay and proud. I also got my 1st boyfriend that year and he made me feel safe, secure and loved, and I loved him, or thought I did. He was also the one that I lost my virginity to. We broke up after 3 months, for a dumb reason, but I'm happy now that we did (he's a douche). It took me a long time to get over him though. >.< Now to this school year (3rd year in high school), I'm still dressing preppy and also still in theatre but I've been confused about who I am and where I want my life to go. I feel like I've been attracted to (very few) girls in my life and wonder what it would be like to date them, or sleep with them, but I don't feel comfortable at all with the idea of doing either of those things really. I've had very few (small) crushes on my female friends, but nothing serious. Maybe it's me just admiring their beauty, cause I 'feel it' for guys, not girls. Also, I've felt like I shouldn't dress preppy like I have been or wear tight skinny jeans, I feel like I should be more 'manly/straight-looking'. I also feel like I could be a versatile then just bottom. I don't like the idea of me dating/marrying a girl bedsides the act of me having full rights and having children, and the 'normal' life. The point is, I feel like I am confused, about who I am and who I should be.
"I am confused, about who I am and who I should be" First of all, you must to be yourself. Don't care about stereotypes. Can I ask you why you're confused? It seems you don't like girls...
Well, you don't necessarily have to be attracted to girls to wonder what it'd be like to date a girl or sleep with a girl. You might just be a bit curious about it and open with yourself about that. So I wouldn't let that alter how you feel about your sexuality. As for the clothing and stuff, ignore all of that, wear what you want to wear. Maybe some days you want to dress this way, and some days you want to dress that way. Clothing style isn't related to sexuality, so wear whatever you want, whatever makes you happy, and don't let that make you question your sexuality, because that's not going to affect it
From what you're describing, it sounds more like your interest in girls is as "best friends" rather than romantic/sexual interest. And for a lot of gay guys, that's really common. In fact, someone published study looking at Myspace profiles (back when that was popular) and was able to predict with a high degree of accuracy whether or not a guy was gay based on several factors on their profiles, one of which was a very high number of female friends and few male friends. (Obviously this study was looking at men who had their sexual orientation listed.) So... unless you're feeling actual sexual attraction to the girls, it seems more likely that you're gay, or toward the gay end of the spectrum. The questioning is normal, and there's nothing wrong with following your feelings, if you've got some attraction to a girl, and seeing what it might be like to be in a relationship with a girl... as long as you clearly disclose to the girl up front that you're questioning and aren't sure if you're gay or straight. It wouldn't be OK to have sex and use someone to "test the waters."
Pretty and beautiful only about the look? Or there is something of sexual about it? I don't like boys but sometimes when I see a very pretty guy (especially if he's feminine) I could like him, but this doen't mean I want to have sex with him.
You're physically attracted to girls (hence the pretty and beautiful) (you want to dress more manly cause you're thinking about the girls it seems.) you are sexually and romantically attracted to guys... id say stop questioning that you're gay. (plus I agree with what the admin says) You are coming form a very traumatic experience of relationship (which I sense you don't wana talk about)... This relationship left you drifting and questioning, what next. Its sounds like you're just like everyone else, searching for love. Someone once told me that if you want love, stop searching for it and it will find you. Regardless of your clothing, your hair or personality, it will find you. Now stop burdening yourself with confusion... hehehe. Hope you understand what I'm trying to say. Oh nd nice pro pic
B e yourself ignore the faggot poofter bullshit that comes your way and if youre bui sexual,so be it keep away from kids under 18,and if you find some people wont let up,inform the police and enquire about other methods you can use,martial arts or ask about the possibility of carrying something that goes bang to your local police community liason officer,dont just buy a gun,rules vary from country to country,etc good luck from a guy with a nice old dyke for a mum and two daughters of 4 that are gay.
