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I don't know myself anymore . PLEASE help :(

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Iamlost, Feb 15, 2014.

  1. Iamlost

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    [17yo]I always knew myself as gay , in all my life i had boy crushes and never had an atracction on girls , but when i started to search about what is gay , why people are gay , etc etc etc , i found out that the main thing is do what you feel like , do not try to use your past or anything to decide who you are , becuase things about sexual orientation may change .
    Ok , first of all , i have no problem for being gay , i don't care what people think about it , i have no religion , i dont have any homophobic thing about it and my parents and friends are supportive , my only problem is MYSELF . Idk , i always loved men but after that much research idk , i started to do not know if i like it anymore . It is a strange feeling , i still like men , but idk , it is someway different now . I don't know if these researches made me belive that i can change any time my sexuallity that i started to do not belive in my past ( that i liked boys ) , i really don't know whats going on .
    I am gonna be kinda specific or even erotic in here , sorry , but i think that it is necessary to say : About men , i always liked the chest , the face shape with beard , muscles , ... and i never liked the girly thing about women , never liked women chest ( like , never found it attractive ) , i am kinda disgusted about vaginas , .... ) . I still ffeel this , but before everything , it was different , i knew who i was , today i kinda ignore what i am feeling becuase i think that idk , i think that my feelins are nothing , i really don't know whats is going on and why it is happening .
    I still like men but idk , i still do not liking women ( i kinda like more but i like men much more ) , but as i said 1 million times , idk what is happening , i like men , but at the same time i ignore my feelings someway .
    Help , PLEEEASE :tears:
    If you have questions about it just say that i can explain something better .
     
  2. silverhalo

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    Hey I think you know you are gay but that in your quest to find answers you have been overthinking and analyzing everything. You know you like guys and not girls so go with it. If it changes in the future (which I doubt it will) then worry about that then. I was worried before I came out that maybe I had it wrong and it can be confusing. Are you out to anybody?
     
  3. Iamlost

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    Thanks for the awnser ! I came out to my mom and to my best friend when i was 13yo . Then i came out to my dad , sister , other friends last 3 months . They were a supportive about it and my sister got happy that i was gay and not straight xD .
    I know since 3yo ( 3 , not 13 ) that i am gay . I didnt know what that feeing or even what sex was till 9 but i always got attracted to boys . But , when i decided to come out ( end of 2014 ) i started to search things to see if i realy was gay , and i was , but every time i see something about it , it says that what you liked in the past isnt 100% constant . It made me feel insecure , today i woke up thinking that i started to like girls , and like , i dont ! As i said , i were always attracted to guys and my mind refuses to accept it somehow that tries to make me do not feel attraction to it ! I never was homophobic , i am not disgusted emotionaly about guys ( i prefeer it ) , so i dont know whats going on , looks that i am slowly do not liking both sexs , but idk , it is small , as i said , i still have attraction to the same things as always . I think that what i read made up my mind a bit and i need to think more about it , idk .
    As always , thanks 4 the awnser , if u had the same or alike thing tell me pls !

    ---------- Post added 16th Feb 2014 at 10:02 AM ----------

    And what you said helped btw , i am gonna try to clear my mind and find what i really like .
     
    #3 Iamlost, Feb 16, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2014
  4. sam the man

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    Yeah, I also think you are still gay. What the other posters online said is quite right- what you were isn't necessarily what you are- but it does sound like you know who you are right now. You sound certain that you like guys and that that's what makes you happy- which is great! You have a good idea of what currently brings you happiness, so for the time being just follow that. Like silverhalo, I think you're overanalysing. I doubt this'll change, but if it does, same applies- follow whatever makes you happy.
     
  5. Iamlost

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    Its pretty hard to know because i think that my "attraction to men" is slowing disappearing T-T , idk what is happening to me , it is strange lol . I still have it but i cant point it well as when i was younger . Before , when i saw a man it was like "omg he is so hot mgogmmgomg" , now is like "ye , he is hot ( and i still getting kinda horny about it ) , but i am not sure if i like it" . About women i started to devalop some kind of "i may like it" thing . Idk if this is real , if i tought something that never happened , if i changed , i ... don't ... know :c
     
  6. sam the man

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    Well it's not necessarily that you're losing the attraction. You seem to me to be still attracted to men, but is it possible that you're just going through a dip in libido/drive? Happens to us all, doesn't make our attractions any less valid, just a little less intense. You don't have to have that reaction to every guy :grin:. You might just be feeling a little less excitement than before because things are settling down for you, you're more used to the feeling of attraction, or even because this thing about possibly liking girls is giving you the blues. That doesn't mean you're not gay, only that you're not as easily excited as you were before, which is fine.

    Can you discern what the feelings you have towards women are? Are they purely platonic/admiration or something more?
     
  7. Iamlost

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    Okay , thanks for the awnser sam :slight_smile: . So , fist of all , i don't want to be sexist here , i am just pointing what MOST women do , i am not saying that all are like that , and one more thing , i've never dated a guy or a girl to say it , it is just how i think that things are "watching" people , but anyways ...

    I like emotionally about women :
    1-The fact that they care alot about the partner (This is a good and a bad thing at the same moment : they care alot in a way that doesnt makes me feel "safe" , but at the same moment looks that is someone that cares alot for me ) [This is the only thing , and isn't THAT important thing , because there is a bad one about it ]

    I don't like emotionally about women :
    1- They make everything complex and likes to fight about everything . This pisses me out , seriously , guys are too simple and girls likes to always have the reason about everything with no reason ( as i said , i am talking about most of them , my best friend ( girl ) is the opposite of it xD )
    2- They are girly . This is one of the big reasons that i always tought that i am gay . I do not feel any attraction to it . It doesn't makes me feel well in a relationship , as the same ways that i don't like it on girls , i don't like on some gay boys ( that's what i only would date a masculine one , and one thing , i said DATE , i didn't say that i have something against affeminate boys ) .

    I don't like emotionally about men :
    1-Hmmm ... i can tell that took me some time to point what i don't like about men xD , i don't like how society looks at gay relationship , but is a thing that will disappear soon , first day dating a man , pooof! , gets used to and can tell "fuck it" to everybody !

    I like emotionally about men :
    1-They make me feel safe . I can't explain it well , but i like that "warmness" that it makes me feel from their eyes and body ( okay , it looks kinda pathetic but i feel it u-u )
    2- They are masculine . I like masculinity in a saxual and emotional way , so yeah ...
    3 - There isn't the man and the girl in the realationship ( some of them ) , things are in someway equal. This is a thing that is very precipitated, there might be this "positioning" , but this positioning , as in the relationship and from other people eyes , is smaller than in a straight one

    Sexually

    I think that isn't necessary to say what "parts" i like and don't , i don't care about saying , i just think this would bring an erotic sense to the thread that i don't see why i would , i would say numbers about how many things i like and i don't , but if u wnat to know what it is just say that i point it ! What isn't erotic i will point and what is i will use just a number .

    Men
    Like : The face face shape with beard [1] , The way that they look with their eyes [2] , [3] , [4] , [5] , [6] , Short hair [7] , Muscles[8]
    Don't like : .... idk haha

    Women
    Like : Eyes [1] , [2] , [3] ( all these both have and i pref on men )
    Don't like : Breast[1] , [2] , [3] , [4] , [5]

    ------------

    As before , anything that you want to know about me , just say :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: . And mwhat you said makes sense , i feel the same thign as before , but not that "heavy" way . Maybe be because my life atm is kinda stessful ... and sry 4 my english x)
    Thanks !
     
    #7 Iamlost, Feb 17, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2014
  8. sam the man

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    Ok, so obviously I can't see inside your head :grin: so ultimately I can't know everything about your feelings to people. But, based on what you've written, I would say you're definitely more interested in guys than girls. With girls emotionally you came across to me as fairly apathetic- you can appreciate them emotionally on a certain level but you're not too fussed with pursuing a relationship with them; with guys, I can see there's much more of a "pull" there. You can see yourself with a guy much more clearly than with a woman I imagine?

    Sexually... not sure I got the numbers system, sorry (is it a points system?). Anyways, I also got the impression you prefer guys. I'm sure you can acknowledge that a girl is pretty or would be considered hot by people, but that's simply being able to appreciate beauty, which is a good thing. Lots of straight guys, as much as they're deathly afraid of admitting it, can identify a good-looking guy that walks past; in a similar way, gay guys can know when a girl is good-looking. The main thing is whether you imagine yourself with that person and feel a yearning for them or whether you're simply appreciating their aesthetic appeal from afar. It's the difference between seeing a girl and saying "hmm, she seems quite pretty" or "DAYUM, she is hot! I wish I was with her!" possibly whilst doing a double-take and in some cases nearly walking into a lamppost :slight_smile:. I probably could've put that much better, but it seems to me that in your case the second case is what you feel for guys, while for girls it's the first one. You know when a girl is good-looking, but it's not enough to make you want to act on it like it is with guys.

    So it seems to me like you definitely have an attraction to guys and it's stronger than your attraction to girls. The main problem I think is just this slump in drive which you're going through. Stress can do a lot of things to you as I'm sure you've heard, so it might be because you're stressed that you're feeling less "driven" than before. So my advice would be to first off try and clear your head and find a way past this stress, even if it doesn't answer your question. If nothing else it's worth getting rid of the stress for health.

    P.S. you don't need to apologise so much. Everyone has preferences, and as long as your preferences don't affect your judgment or treatment of people, you're well within your rights to have some. Plus your english is fairly good, I can follow it :slight_smile:
     
  9. Iamlost

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    Thanks alot Sam !!! Sorry for the late awnser :x . Yeah , i think that i figured out what was that "i think that i am losing to feel atracttion on boys" ! I was thinking like this : "hmm , nice , this guy is hot , but what is feeling attraction , why do i feel it on boys and do not on girls , and how do i know that i don't feel it on girs , i don't know how it is to judge , doesn't make sense feeling on boys and feeling on girls , i should feel on both " .
    Yeah , its kinda dumb i think , because if i think about a second , if this were true , there woudn't be sexuallity , everyone would be bi . We like different things , we were generated with particular characteristics .

    Thanks again sam ! You're being better than my psychologist , everyone in EC helped me alot :slight_smile: , im just going now on my psychiatrist ( because some medicine that i use ) , but psychologist is being kinda pointless when i have support of all of you !

    Cheers !!
     
    #9 Iamlost, Feb 18, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2014