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Is it just time to accept that I am gay or could I be both?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Olls91, Feb 16, 2014.

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  1. Olls91

    Olls91
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    So I know I like men sexually through and through, kissing and sex and all in between. I've been with 9 guys over 3 years one being just the other night a 40 year old it felt great but I felt guilt after. I have been with 2 women in the past but it felt like something was missing. I get on well with women I love them I think they are pretty but guys are hot, I was aroused by just sitting next to the guy the other night. I feel guilty about not being with women. The evidence is right there yet I can't accept I can't say the words without adding things like might be or possibly i.e I am possibly gay.Why cant I accept it, is it time to accept it?:dry:
     
    #1 Olls91, Feb 16, 2014
  2. hichat

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    If you can't accept you're gay now then you may need some time to do that. Not everyone can accept themselves being gay immediately. As long as you don't resist you'll accept it sooner than you think. It's the best way since there's no way you can change your sexuality.
     
    #2 hichat, Feb 16, 2014
  3. Olls91

    Olls91
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    I just find it hard to despite everything.
     
    #3 Olls91, Feb 16, 2014
  4. anon12

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    maybe it would be easier to start by just accepting yourself as not straight
     
    #4 anon12, Feb 16, 2014
  5. Olls91

    Olls91
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    I have tried that but it just feels like I need to accept it properly
     
    #5 Olls91, Feb 16, 2014
  6. hichat

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    Don't force yourself. I took more than 10 years to accept the fact so don't worry you don't think you can now but you will eventually. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 hichat, Feb 16, 2014
  7. Olls91

    Olls91
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    Im 22 should have by now ive been with 9 guys!!
     
    #7 Olls91, Feb 16, 2014
  8. hichat

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    When did you find out that you're gay? If it's not too then you'll probably need more time but everyone needs different time length to accept themselves. You should try to relax by getting advices and chatting with gay people. You can chat with me if you want.
    Anyway I got to go now, if you want to chat you can leave a message at my wall. :slight_smile: See ya
     
    #8 hichat, Feb 16, 2014
  9. Olls91

    Olls91
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    Cheers I guess I knew proper when I was 18 first year of uni. I guess I know im gay I just keep second guessing myself
     
    #9 Olls91, Feb 16, 2014
  10. AKTodd

    AKTodd
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    You mention feeling guilt about not being with women.

    What are you feeling guilty about?

    What reason do you have in your mind for feeling guilty about not being with women?

    I would suggest that if you can address/resolve the issue of your feelings of guilt, that will go a long way toward helping you accept yourself.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
    #10 AKTodd, Feb 16, 2014
  11. Olls91

    Olls91
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    When I was growing up I based self esteem on success with women and blocked gay thoughts. I just keep going back for hookups with men these days. My past doesnt fit with my present if you knowcwhat I mean?
     
    #11 Olls91, Feb 16, 2014
  12. Chip

    Chip
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    Very often, before gay men can accept ourelves, we go through a very intense period of denial. During that time, we can be in relationships with women, we can convince ourselves we're straight, we can even get married and have kids. None of that makes us straight.

    There's a tremendous amount of shame for most of us that surrounds being gay. It's created by messages from media, society, culture, and particularly, by organized religion. And that can be an extremely effective lock on the closet door, and even when the door starts to open, we use it to keep ourselves from fully embracing who we are through various "bargaining" ("OK, i like guys, but I can like girls too" when there's no real interest in women, for example.)

    And shame is, of course, directly linked to self esteem issues, so your earlier esteem problems are again, pretty common among closeted gay guys.

    Based on what you've said, it doesn't sound like there's much real attraction to women, but a lot of attraction to men. But it seems like that's really uncomfortable for you to talk about.

    What would it be like to discuss the idea of being gay, what it would be like to own that, and what you feel in doing so?
     
    #12 Chip, Feb 16, 2014
  13. Olls91

    Olls91
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    I have discussed it alot its just the leap of faith now
     
    #13 Olls91, Feb 17, 2014
  14. Chip

    Chip
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    Maybe you can talk about the leap itself... what your fears are, if you're conflicted, what is feeling conflicted, concerns about how people will react, and so forth. That may help you prepare yourself.
     
    #14 Chip, Feb 17, 2014
  15. Olls91

    Olls91
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    Im out to everyone problem is I cant seem to accept that I am gay myself.
     
    #15 Olls91, Feb 17, 2014
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