I am 24 years old, and I was wondering if there is any way it's possible that I thought I was straight my whole life, only to seriously question it now. There are a few reasons I am coming to this now: 1. Until about four years ago, I had not been around many lesbians, or at least any who were open about it. I have noticed, since moving to a much larger town with much more diversity, that when I meet a woman who is or could be a lesbian, I crave her attention and acceptance. 2. I have had sex with men, but I have never really enjoyed the actual act. Just the beginning things, and about 90% of the time I was drunk. 3. I have never been in a relationship with a man. 4. I have been attracted to women as far back as I can remember, but I never took it seriously. I am also attracted to men, but the sex thing is confusing to me. I worry that I have been lying to myself my whole life, but how can I know for sure what's real? I am afraid that having an abnormal childhood has made me crave normalcy where I can find it, and the thought of being a lesbian kind of terrifies me. Maybe I'm just overreacting. Any helpful thoughts would be appreciated. ---------- Post added 16th Feb 2014 at 11:16 PM ---------- I should clarify- the terror comes from my whole view of my life turning upside down. And when I mention wanting normalcy, I mean society's definition of normal. As in hetero.
It's easy to find yourself suddenly questioning your orientation, especially when not being exposed to much outside hetero relationships. Given your description, you should ask yourself why you want the woman's attention, how you view yourself being with another woman. It would help to seek a therapist to work some of your history out, but I would also like to clarify that, no matter what sex you like, you still define yourself, not your sexuality.
Hey is it just this one girl you crave attention from? Or have you ever felt this before? If you imagine yourself with a girl how does that make you feel?