Hello EC, I'm in something of a bisexual or fluctuating situation. Or rather, my attractions are split symmetrically but with each sex having mismatched pieces. In a room of girls and guys, I'm definitely more interested in checking out the guys. But in a get-to-know-you-through-conversation situation, I'm more interested in girls. I'm more sexually aroused by guys, but have never had the same falling-in-love feelings for any guy that I've had for girls in the past. It's like I'm homo-sexual but hetero-romantic. But even then, it's more like bisexual(homosexual preference)-biromantic(heteroromantic preference). So it's very... confusing, to use a buzzword. I've only told my two closest friends about my not-straight leanings, and they're okay with it, but I'm wondering if I should or even need to tell anyone else, especially not my very-conservative, traditionalist parents. The real problem is, in spite of all the pain and depression that I had to overcome discovering I'm not straight, I can envision myself loving, dating, marrying, and having sex with a woman and doing the whole traditional thing and being happy. If I were to do that, I wouldn't need to even really consider the whole gay thing anymore. I could go hetero-exclusive and be just fine, emotionally, for the most part, and no one would need to know. The complication comes in when I consider that all those years of battling to deal with the idea that I'm gay would seem to have been for nothing, and I'd potentially be living a half-truth for the rest of my life. I'd be happy, but it would be at the cost of denial and forgetfulness. I'm wondering if anyone else is dealing with this same problem or if it's possibly a common problem among people who still consider themselves capable of identifying as pseudo-straight. Bueller?
Even if you do settle down with a woman and find yourself happy, it'll probably still be a good idea to be honest about your orientation. It'll make you feel better about yourself.
First, your thought that it's possible to be a heteroromantic, gay-leaning bisexual is definitely true. Second, I would not advise you to just turn off your gayness. Even if you get with a woman, I would argue you have the ethical duty to pave the way for others by admitting your attraction to men, too. As bisexuals, some of us have the ability to hide, and we need to resist the temptation to do so. We cannot ever turn our backs on our brothers and sisters.
This is exactly me. dude thought i was the only one. good to know that i'm not but i do think that you should be open with your partner if no one else regardless of gender.
I think if you hide something that is that big a part of you, it will not be good for you. I'm also not sure where I stand and I don't ever remember being in love with a woman the way I have with men, and certainly not women more than men. But just denying it and saying it doesn't really matter because I could theoretically just be with the opposite sex hasn't worked out very well for me and I don't recommend it.
I don't believe I'm hiding just because I don't think my sexual preferences are really anyone's business but my own (and my partner's, of course), although I very much appreciate anyone who can help me sort them out. That being said, I'll fully admit that there is a fear and anticipation that comes with the idea of being open about it. But back to the other hand again, even if there was no risk whatsoever with being openly not straight, I still don't think I'd do it. It's not anyone's business right now because I'm scared. It'd still be almost no one's if I wasn't. Maybe my mind will change about that later, but I'm not there, yet. I hope you all don't think I'm some kind of traitor for that. Yes! Not alone! I'm so glad. But dang, dude, why couldn't we have just been straight-up, flamin' gay? So much simpler. ---------- Post added 17th Feb 2014 at 07:50 PM ---------- I can attest to that, which is why I'm struggling with the idea of hiding it at all. I don't want to hide it, but neither do I want to forever change how all my current friends and family see me. There seems to be an issue where a person comes out and suddenly they're defined first by their sexuality and then by everything else. I don't want that, because I believe I'm more than who I choose to love. Not to say this isn't a big part of myself, but I don't think it's the biggest. Or maybe I'm just in denial. Still working this out. Thank you all for your replies so far! It's wonderful to have the opportunity to finally voice these thoughts somewhere. I'm very grateful.
[/QUOTE]"Yes! Not alone! I'm so glad. But dang, dude, why couldn't we have just been straight-up, flamin' gay? So much simpler."[/QUOTE] I use to think the same thing all the time! At least we would know and not struggle with not only accepting but understanding. I can honestly say that it was much more difficult to understand my sexuality than to accept it. Now i look at it as having more options to date! Also we have the ability to be attracted to women so you can still have the "traditional family" if you desired! Also got a feeling we are going to get along great!
Wow such a powerful statement. It's true, bisexuals can hide and never resurface. And it's so much easier that way. But you shouldn't have to hide half of yourself. And although you can date and enjoy girls, being bisexual gives you the best of both worlds. There are a lot of interesting, smart, breathtakingly handsome guys that are worth your time.
Ha, yeah! It took a long time for me to accept it (even longer to even realize or acknowledge it), but I don't think I've figured it out, yet. I'll probably be uncovering new stuff for a while to come. The problem with expanded dating options is finding potential partners who're good with it. I'm kind of in Mormon central so all the girls want returned missionaries and all the guys want to be married in the LDS temple even in spite of any gay leanings they may have. 'Sall good, though. I'm where I need to be, for now. And if you like writing and anime, I can't help but agree we'll probably get along swell. ---------- Post added 17th Feb 2014 at 10:57 PM ---------- Ah, don't I know it... now if only they weren't so dang straight.....
I really think you should open your mind to the possibility of dating and seeking deeper connections with men. Sexual attraction generally goes hand in hand with romantic attraction, and often works best when in harmony. I'm not saying you should stop seeing women, but it could be possible that your aversion to homosexuality in general is preventing you from envisioning yourself in an intimate relationship with a man. This is quite common with people who are just coming out of the closet or haven't come to terms with their sexuality.
