Please help! Am I lesbian?

Not knowing your preference from a younger age isn't that unusual - we have some posters here who've only figured it out in their 30s or 40s. Looking back, they can see the signs, but they always ignored or repressed it before.

 

It's possible to close off an aspect of your sexuality for many years without you ever being aware of it. I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian church where being gay was just about the worst sin possible and I repressed it to the point where I got married, had 4 kids, and struggled for over ten years before I came out this year at the age of 37. So yes. It's quite possible to not know at a younger age. You should take some time and try to figure yourself out. You shouldn't feel like you have to rush though, be safe. Find someone to talk to, here at E.C., a friend you can trust, even a counselor could help you sort through some of what you're going through. But you need to find what will make you happy.

 

You are not alone! I can relate to much of what you said in your post..."hindsight girl attractions"...intimacy with men...lesbian fiction...I started to question my sexuality in my late 20's and still do today at 35. I too found myself attracted to a coach-like person who was a lesbian. The feelings were so intense, I was like, wholly crap, could I be a lesbian?! I sought guidance, joined groups and explored this new side of myself. The journey was both magical and confusing at the same time. My only regret is that I didn't take the time to explore it more (I am now in a committed relationship with a man who I love, but am questioning if I will be "in love" fully). I truly feel that for some of us there is a spectrum of same sex attraction. We all fall on different parts of it. With that said, take the time to explore your feelings. Take it slow and reflect on your feelings. In the end, it's about finding that connection that will be able to last a lifetime. It may be with a woman or a man...but you will never know if you don't explore it fully:smilewave

 

You are not alone in reading fanfiction and having that make you question your sexuality! That is part of what happened to me also. (Also I used to look at lesbian erotic novels in the store but never bought one.)

And while I do think I have been sexually attracted to men and enjoyed some aspects of sex, I have never enjoyed intercourse either, which I always put down to other reasons but now I wonder.

Anyway now I really regret not exploring this while I was younger, so I think it's good not to ignore these feelings. I totally understand being scared, but it's good to have support.

 

Hey I didn't work out I was gay until my mid twenties so you are definitely not alone.

If you think about being intimate with a girl how does that make you feel?

 

Absolutely how you imagine things and real life can be two totally different things, not that I'm saying in real life it would be bad.

What is your biggest fear or the biggest thing stoping you saying to yourself yes I am definitely gay?

 

I totally get that. I felt totally stupid and embarrassed when I first questioned whether I was gay. I was like people are going to think I'm stupid and that it's not true, I mean how could I not have have realised until now. The thing is sometimes these things aren't as obvious as you think they would be.

Let's say you came out as gay. What is the worst that could happen in your mind, what is your worst case scenario?

 

Like everyone has Said you are not alone not knowing your sexuality at a young age I've only realised and I'm 28 so don't worry about it.

 

Well I spent a bit of time on EC which helped me feel less like I was the only person in the world that felt like I did. It was all so new and strange but kind of exciting some talking to people on EC helped me ease myself in gently by being able to reveal only as much of myself as I wanted knowing I could delete my profile at any time and that part of my life would disappear completely. Not that I ever actually wanted to do that. Over time I felt a bit more comfortable with the fact I was probably gay. I then got to the point that I felt like I had to tell someone in real life so I carefully chose a couple of friends. At that point I was pretty certain I was gay without being 100%. I think from there the more I spoke about it and the more I told people the more real it got and the more right it felt. Then I met my girlfriend and I never looked back.

When I first joined EC people always used to write that you would know when you were ready to come out and I used to think it was rubbish, I mean how was I ever going to feel different one day. However over time I did feel different and one day I was just ready. The only way I can kind of describe it is that there are two forces that work against each other the first is your desire to tell people and the second is your fear of coming out. To start with you have no desire to tell anyone and a massive fear over people finding out. Over time the fear decreases slowly, I wouldn't say it disappears not to start with and at the same time your desire to tell people increases. I believe that you feel ready to come out when your desire to tell someone overtakes your fear of telling someone.

It definitely gets easier though.

 

I can relate. I just came out after trying to reject the idea that I was gay for many years. I've finally accepted it.

The thought of being intimate with a girl excites me (in many ways lol) too, but since I just came out, I haven't been in a relationship with one yet. But I can only see my future with a girl.
I think if it makes you happy thinking about it, you're most likely gay.
But then again I have a friend who thought she was bi, got intimate with a girl and didn't like it...so you never know (which makes me sad because I have a crush on her badly haha.)

 

Just as everyone else has said you are definitely not alone in this...I didn't really start questioning my sexuality until recently, I am 38. I have had these feelings in the past, during my teens and twenties, but I seemed to have pushed them as far back as I could. Trying to suppress them is not happening any longer, so I am trying to deal with it. I am now in a full term relationship with a male, but when it comes to intercourse I am not truly satisfied at all and I wondered why for years. I am working on moving forward and discovering who I am fully. So don't feel as if you're alone in not figuring it out earlier, or if you are alone in any of this, because you're not. Just take your time in working on figuring out who you are and what you want. I don't think I can give you concrete advice due to being so new to this myself, but I have found it very helpful in discussing my feelings here on EC. It has been a great help for me. I have received some really great advice and conversation. And don't worry about how much you type...type away lol:lol:. Well welcome to the EC family and I wish you all the luck in the world, while on your journey to self discovery. (*hug*)

 

This is the most supportive discussion ever, I appreciate having you guys on the forum!