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Completely confused and depressed

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by theunknownman, Feb 17, 2014.

  1. theunknownman

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    Hi

    Well I am completely into the blue about what my identity should be.
    I am a guy who does in fact like woman I did fantasize about them a lot in the past and I had several crushes (also one girl which meant like the world to me). I also had sex with some girls and did enjoy it (with girls I kinda liked I came like in 12 seconds or something Lol.). Sometimes I didn't because some weren't that attractive. Well what remains now is ever since my brother made a joke about me being gay the thought of it won't leave my mind. I started developing certain feelings which I can't place. Ever since when I look to certain guys which I can label as good-looking I get a shy kind of feeling and feel really weird. I don't know how to put it. Is this attractiveness or am I just forcing myself into having this weird feelings (well my cheeks seem to itch like it forms some kind of weird smile). I also start to notice some features about guys which make me feel even more weird. An example would be a guy would have like female lips and I would think about it and feel weird about that. I started watching "hot" men on tumblr and would notice that all of these guys look kinda gay to me and this also triggers this weird feeling. In the meanwhile I still look at woman and at times feel attracted to them. Well if attractiveness means getting a boner while looking at a girl's ass or just merely touching them means being attracted that is. Still this feeling is haunting me and it's starting to play with my mind. I even confinced myself I was gay and I eventually thought I was into a friend of mine. It was really strange since it really felt I was into him and I started to get jealous that he had a girlfriend. Also the way certain guy fragrances smell make me feel weird (the smell of the parfume makes me look different at certain people). I do want to believe I could be gay but when I do I start to look at guy's and try to imagine myself having sex with them or french kissing them and I just can't get aroused. There were sometimes I did get aroused but it felt nothing like the intense orgasm I get when I look at let's say lesbian porn.

    In the meanwhile I haven't developed any feelings for a girl but I think that is mainly because I do not have any girls to talk to. I am afraid I might be gay so I mainly avoid them and I just be by myself all the time. I just cant understand what this weird feeling is because it doesn't feel like a feeling that I would describe as enjoyable. The intense happiness I had when I kissed certain girls are not to be forgotten. I felt like I could conquer the world and I think that happens when you kiss someone you love.

    There are way more things happening to further describe what I'm facing but I can't come up with that at this moment. Hope someone can get some clarification about what the hell i'm dealing with. It's really depressing and makes me fed up with life.
     
  2. theunknownman

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    So nobody has an opinion about this? I know it's a long read but it is really bothering me...
     
  3. doc

    doc
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    Hey, - hang in there. You are young and exploring. Don't try to label yourself as one-or-the-other because - a.) there are more than just those two extremes and, b.) you don't need to know right now. Keep questioning and exploring - that's my advice. Be safe and respectful. Try to find what you like in sex. Look for love.
    hope this helps:slight_smile:
     
  4. anon12

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    it seems the reason for this whole questioning phase is due to what someone else (your brother) thinks. there have a been a decent amount of people who post here with the same reason. someone told them they're gay, either as a joke or with a possible hint of seriousness, and it causes the person to go into a complete state of anxiety.

    while it's possible you could be gay, i doubt it. from the sounds of it, you like women. now, i nor anyone else here can tell you that for sure because we are not inside your head.

    my advice, be honest with yourself. don't let other peoples perceptions dictate your answer. you might find that this whole thing might not be an issue on being gay or straight but rather, how you are perceived in real life by other people.

    In the same sense, your brother could have called you fat and while you know your not fat, knowing that your brother (or others around you) see you as that, causes anxiety.

    hope that helped.
     
  5. SwimScotty

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'd say you're straight. Really, it sounds like what brought this on was the joke from your brother, and that's sent you into a tailspin. From what you've said, you don't seem to be sexually attracted to guys at all. Just because you think of a guy as good-looking doesn't mean you're gay. And not being able to talk to girls also does not make you gay. I'd say just let things run their course. Eventually you'll figure out where you fall, but for now, don't focus too much on it. If you've just started questioning, trying to immediately nail down your sexuality will just stress you out even more, and it could push you to do some things that could have negative repercussions (such as experimenting with the wrong person).