1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I think I like my bi friend (girl) but I'm dating a guy..

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ConfusedGirl221, Feb 17, 2014.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. ConfusedGirl221

    ConfusedGirl221
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2014
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Victoria, Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    So this is the first time I've ever posted on a forum or anything and I'm looking for some advice, because I'm just so damned confused!

    I am 22 and currently dating a guy (for the last 5 months). Before we got together I was in a 4 year relationship with a different guy. I have kissed girls before but nothing further.
    For the last 3 or 4 years I have been trying to deal with my 'strange' attraction to women - although I no longer see it as strange and think I must be bisexual or bi curious or something.

    My dilemma is this -
    The only person I've ever confided in regarding my bi thoughts etc (other than you guys right now!) is my new bfs housemate (she is bisexual herself).
    Since I spoke to her about it, I have been crushing on her so bad!! I thought she was attractive before I even knew she was bi and now that we've talked about it all a lot she seems so much more irresistible.

    I fantasize about her, and make up reasons to text her or talk to her.

    I haven't told her that I like her, and my boyfriend doesn't even know about my bi feelings!!
    I don't know if she likes me in that way or not.

    Should I end my relationship to explore? Should I explore a little behind his back before I ruin our relationship?? I detest cheating but I just feel so unsure and trapped.
    I'm worried that if anything goes bad with the bf I won't be able to see her anymore, since they live together.

    What do I do???
     
    #1 ConfusedGirl221, Feb 17, 2014
  2. Pret Allez

    Pret Allez
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Well, here's what I think. Bisexuality is an awesome, awesome orientation. I love it so much. But it's fraught with ethical difficulties. Some of us want it all. (I know I do.)

    What I would do in your position is talk to your boyfriend about it and see what he thinks. I would like to think if I were in a relationship, I would open up to let my multisexual partner do what she or he desired on the side from time to time.

    As much as I hate Dan Savage, one of the things he's right about is that monogamy is bullshit. People who have desires that are unfulfilled in a sexual relationship either cheat or become unhappy. If I were you, I would think "how much do I want to get with this woman?" If the answer is a lot, then he should be open to it. If he's not, then I think that shows a bit too much of a controlling attitude, and I wouldn't want to be with him myself.

    But those are just my thoughts...
     
    #2 Pret Allez, Feb 17, 2014
  3. ConfusedGirl221

    ConfusedGirl221
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2014
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Victoria, Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thank you for your reply!

    Unfortunately I don't think it's something I can actually discuss with him.
    And it's so much harder when it feels like he's really into me, I don't feel like I have the same level of attraction to him :frowning2:

    I was thinking about talking to her first and gauging how she feels?
    Cuz if she's not into me at all I guess that would kinda change things!

    ---------- Post added 18th Feb 2014 at 09:59 AM ----------

    And in response to how much do I want to get with this woman - definitely a lot.
    I think about her every day and every night.
     
    #3 ConfusedGirl221, Feb 17, 2014
  4. Pret Allez

    Pret Allez
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Well, I think that's your answer right there. If you are more into her than him, and if she gives you the option to be with her, I think I'd take Option 2.
     
    #4 Pret Allez, Feb 17, 2014
  5. ConfusedGirl221

    ConfusedGirl221
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2014
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Victoria, Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    True!
    I guess I'm just a little scared because I've never actually done anything with a woman other than kiss, and haven't had this emotional attachment either.
     
    #5 ConfusedGirl221, Feb 17, 2014
  6. Pret Allez

    Pret Allez
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So? You seem to really like her. The first time I hooked up with a guy, I hadn't done anything, including kissing. Experience is not a metric of sexual orientation, otherwise, how would we know before our first time? :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Pret Allez, Feb 17, 2014
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)