I have always been in relationships with women (last one 8 years) and I'm definitely more sexually and emotionally attracted to them, but have always felt bisexual (80-90% women, 10-20% men) but without the need or want to experiment with men. About a month ago I had an overwhelming urge to tell people I was gay, this came over me suddenly. This feeling lasted about a week before it got to much and I had to tell people. I started by telling my girlfriend and her family who we were living with at the time, then immediately went around to my parents and told them as well my brother and sister. I told everyone I was confused about my sexuality not that I was gay. I obviously moved out and back to my parents but me and my girlfriend (who has been amazing and so supportive, as has everyone I told) have kept in regular contact, talking, going out places together etc. Ever since I told people it feels like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The trouble I'm having is I'm almost certain I'm bisexual not gay but I'm worried that the feeling which meant I had to tell everyone will return. I would love it if me and my girlfriend could work through this as we had a fantastic relationship but I'm scared these feeling will return and I don't want to hurt her again. There's one other thing she told me last night that she slept with someone else at weekend which she is free to do as we aren't together at the minute but it's left me feeling confused and gutted. Any advice anyone could give me would be greatly appreciated.
Is there nobody who can offer me any advice? Since I posted yesterday we have decided to have a week of not contacting each other in the hope that we will both understand exactly what we want.
as a 26 year old bisexual guy I share some of your concerns.. I've had the same girlfriend for 9 years almost..countless times in our relationship I thought I was gay.. But that would mean i want more than sex with guys.. Meh..not really for me I think.. I am slowly becoming more of a fan of the penis..but we'll see.. Point is just hang in there and be yourself
So , i know that it is hard , but try to make it simple . What do you like about women , what do you like about men ( emmotionaly and sexually ) ? Try to point what you like , and then you see what is more viable for you on a relationship . I considering that what society says ( that being gay is not right bla bla bla ) is all wrong and doesn't make sense , when i said viable , i said viable for YOU , not for eyes of others ! Any other question , just ask that i am gonna reply .
I have never really been sexually or emotionally attracted to any man in particular when I think about being with another man it's never in a emotional way just physical and I never really think of any one in particular. But when I fantisze about women my thoughts are quite clear on what I'd like to do with them. I'm quite content in the fact that I'm bisexual and more or less always have been within myself. I have a tendency to over think everything though and when I get an idea in my head it seems to just dominate all other thinking. Ideally I would really love to work it out with my girlfriend and she accepts me as bisexual, she also said if I need to go and experiment she will support me but I don't think that's what I want as my love for her is far more important to me than sleeping about. ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2014 at 01:20 AM ---------- I have a very strong group of male friends who I spend a lot of time with playing football (soccer) going the pub and I enjoy there company but I have never felt emotionally or sexually attracted to any of them. Have a few female friends outside of my girlfriend who when I spend time with them I'm quite flirtatious towards them. Feel like it's hard to articulate my feelings because I have never been so honest and open about them.
So , if your attraction on men are very small , i would think that you're straight . I am not saying that you can't be a bit attracted to men if you prefere more women . You said that you overthink . This is one thing that I do . If you see what i have to say about me , you gonna see that everything indicates that i am gay , and i agree with it , but i overthink and get lost , but if i could make everything more simple , i would just consedeer myself as gay and thats it . But one thing here : For exemple , i could say that i am bi , because i have emmotional attraction on women ( even if on guys is bigger for me , i feel it a bit about some girls ) , but if i had a relationship with a girl would be a disaster , because i have no sexual attraction on women and i still have alot more emotion attraction on boys . So , i say that i am gay , because i would only have relationships with boys . But if you have a considerable phisical attraction on guys is another thing ! Try to find what you like physicaly in men/women . If you have it , no problem , you are sexually bissexual and emmotionaly straight . But , as everyone says , who needs a label ? Think what would be better for you and what you really like on a relationship , than you can know what you prefeer . As before , anything , just ask , here 4 u
Thank you so much for your advice. The sexually bisexual and emotionally straight certainly seems like what I feel in my head but I never really thought of it like that. I spoke to a friend of mine (female) who is gay when I first started to freak out about it and she knew that she was gay and much of what she was saying, just didn't relate to me. In this week that I have apart from my gf I'm just gonna try and relax, keep myself busy and not overthink things and see where I stand after that.
No problem . So , i used to overthing ALOT more in the past ( about everything ), but then i started to stop overthinking , and i think it may help you , what i devaloped in my mind : Avoid the things that come in your mind by doing another thing , like , watch tv , work etc , does not work . I tried to do this for 2 years ( i am not saying about sexuallity , i am saying overthinking about everything , like , if someone would stay mad with me , if i would be robbed , if i would get sick ) , and what felt was that i was worried about everything and i was just doing things feeling bad . So , i realized that everything is possible . Like , keep in your mind that even if you try , you will never know what will happen 100% , so my advice : Keep in your mind that everything is possible and you can't avoid it , so just do the possible to make your life better , but do not use all this time to do it , because you will never be able to , so live and be happy ! Good luck ! As before , anything , just ask !
